How to escape a bad date.

by mssinglemama on February 14, 2008

benjamincooking.jpgI call Benjamin’s daycare at least once a day to check on him. Is this weird? Am I one of the only parents who calls…or does everyone call? I can’t help it. I have to call every day. And when I pick him up and drop him off… I linger, talking it up with the daycare ladies. Why? Because we’re talking about Benjamin.

It’s dawned on me recently (funny how things like this dawn on you two years in) that I have no one to talk to about Benjamin. There is no one else who knows my son as intimately as I do.* These ladies are the closest thing I’ve got.

When I call I get the stats on his day. “He’s been asleep for an hour, he ate nearly all of his lunch and that’s about it, he’s doing just great!” But even though it’s the same conversation every day – nearly verbatim – I keep calling.I pick him up and we go on and on about all of his quirky little habits and cute new words or phrases. And since he started daycare this past fall I’ve noticed something – they’re all falling in love with him. He’s just such an amazing little guy – who wouldn’t? And when they told me one morning, “Benjamin is one of our favorites now!” I was SO excited. “Thank God,” I thought, “because other than me – you’re it.”

* Benjamin’s father has him for 36 hours a week and never calls in between. That aside, he does love his son deeply. And he may know Benjamin intimately…but our conversations are brief and few and far between.
benjamincooking.jpgI call Benjamin’s daycare at least once a day to check on him. Is this weird? Am I one of the only parents who calls…or does everyone call? I can’t help it. I have to call every day. And when I pick him up and drop him off… I linger, talking it up with the daycare ladies. Why? Because we’re talking about Benjamin.

It’s dawned on me recently (funny how things like this dawn on you two years in) that I have no one to talk to about Benjamin. There is no one else who knows my son as intimately as I do.* These ladies are the closest thing I’ve got.

When I call I get the stats on his day. “He’s been asleep for an hour, he ate nearly all of his lunch and that’s about it, he’s doing just great!” But even though it’s the same conversation every day – nearly verbatim – I keep calling.I pick him up and we go on and on about all of his quirky little habits and cute new words or phrases. And since he started daycare this past fall I’ve noticed something – they’re all falling in love with him. He’s just such an amazing little guy – who wouldn’t? And when they told me one morning, “Benjamin is one of our favorites now!” I was SO excited. “Thank God,” I thought, “because other than me – you’re it.”

* Benjamin’s father has him for 36 hours a week and never calls in between. That aside, he does love his son deeply. And he may know Benjamin intimately…but our conversations are brief and few and far between.
benjamincooking.jpgI call Benjamin’s daycare at least once a day to check on him. Is this weird? Am I one of the only parents who calls…or does everyone call? I can’t help it. I have to call every day. And when I pick him up and drop him off… I linger, talking it up with the daycare ladies. Why? Because we’re talking about Benjamin.

It’s dawned on me recently (funny how things like this dawn on you two years in) that I have no one to talk to about Benjamin. There is no one else who knows my son as intimately as I do.* These ladies are the closest thing I’ve got.

When I call I get the stats on his day. “He’s been asleep for an hour, he ate nearly all of his lunch and that’s about it, he’s doing just great!” But even though it’s the same conversation every day – nearly verbatim – I keep calling.I pick him up and we go on and on about all of his quirky little habits and cute new words or phrases. And since he started daycare this past fall I’ve noticed something – they’re all falling in love with him. He’s just such an amazing little guy – who wouldn’t? And when they told me one morning, “Benjamin is one of our favorites now!” I was SO excited. “Thank God,” I thought, “because other than me – you’re it.”

* Benjamin’s father has him for 36 hours a week and never calls in between. That aside, he does love his son deeply. And he may know Benjamin intimately…but our conversations are brief and few and far between.
My best friend and fellow single mama, Abby, went out on a date with a guy she found on Yahoo Personals. The date was a dud. A total flop, in fact. His voice was perturbing and as Abby put it, “there was something weird about his lips.” Ha!

So she runs to the bathroom and calls me.

“Okay. It’s horrible, call me back and give me an excuse to leave.”

“Seriously?” I ask, “Can’t you just tell him you’re not interested?”

“No! Call me. Now!” Then she hangs up the phone.

I hate doing this because I’m not a fan of lying to fellow singles. We’re all in this together. Plus something like this could mess with her dating karma. But, hey, she’s my best friend and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. So I call.

“Hello?” she answers sweetly. She’s back at the table now with Mr. Weird Lips.

“Hey,” I stumble a bit, “Uhh… Kris’ car broke down and there’s no one to watch Benjamin. I have to go pick him up…can you come watch him?” Yada. Yada. I utter a few more possible excuses for her to use and then we hang up. She immediately went home in time to tuck her daughter in for bed.

20 minutes later she’s free. Poor Mr. Weird Lips. I hope he finds the girl of his dreams.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

singlemomseeking February 15, 2008 at 7:12 am

Wait a sec, didn’t she talk to him on the phone first?… Hmmm.

Happy Heart Day to you Beautiful!!

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mssinglemama February 15, 2008 at 2:12 pm

Not sure…she usually does talk to them on the phone first – maybe they just chatted online…but yes…one lesson I’ve learned always talk on the phone first before an internet date…and as you taught me in your book (Single Mom Seeking – a must read!) – always book a coffee date when it’s with a stranger. Cuts the date to an hour and eliminates the need for an escape plan.

Thank you!!! You too Rachel! I hope you had a wonderful V-Day with Mae.

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Dan the Man February 20, 2008 at 7:44 am

One of the things I always advise when finding dates on the internet, is setting the expectation that the first date is never done alone, and for safety sake. This has a dual benefit. First, if the intended date feels that such a requirement is unnecessary and intrusive, the date does not happen. Only those with ulterior motives/plots argue that point, the ones who are truly interested in a possible relationship will agree to the wisdom immediately. The second benefit related to her need to get out of the bad date. If the chemistry is bad, the looks don’t quite sit right, the friend will know and there will be immediate support in backing out of the date immediately.

Understand, a lot of those out there who wish harm don’t look like creeps or freaks, in fact, some are just the opposite. They can have a winning, beautiful smile, a nice personality, and if you have to use the rest room, a roofie in the bottom of his blazer pocket. This is the guy who would complain about having a friend along, because he couldn’t spike that drink with the friend still at the table.

Stay safe, I guess is what I’m trying to say. Dating can be a brutal world, eliminating the evil from it as much as possible should be considered.

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mssinglemama February 20, 2008 at 12:41 pm

Thank you so much for posting this Dan…very, very good point. I don’t think I would ever set up an evening date for a first meeting without bringing some friends. Instead I have done coffee dates in the afternoon – on a lunch break when you don’t have much time. Keeps it short and sweet if there’s no chemistry.

Thanks again!

Reply

Dan the Man February 22, 2008 at 5:17 am

You’re very welcome! And by the way, I like your usual style, the coffee dates in the afternoon for brief time periods to check chemistry and stay in the safety of a public domain. Would you mind if I used that on my blog as an advice point? If you like, I can make sure you get 100% credit for it, I won’t commit Libel because I’d hate it if somebody did that to me. ^_^

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mssinglemama February 22, 2008 at 1:05 pm

Of course…but I learned that trick first from my mother when I called a guy I had met for two minutes at a bar (he was a friend of a friend). She said – “just do coffee, you can leave if it’s awful and everyone loves coffee!” Then I read the same advice in Rachel Sarah’s book, Single Mom Seeking. She has a lot of tips about online dating…so…there you go! All of our ideas originiate from somewhere don’t they? I’m not a worry wort about libel. This is a community of ideas, our country that is which is why it’s so great!

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Dan the Man February 23, 2008 at 9:42 am

Thanks. 🙂

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