Comments on: Married people are weird (for the most part).

By: Tricia Wanjala

Tricia Wanjala — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:00:59 +0000

Hey I think your blog is really interesting and I read it from time to time. I am happily married with a gorgeous little girl who is adorable like your little Ben. I know I may sound condescending but I do admire and appreciate you strong single sisters out there and I do believe that everyone deserves to be happy, single or married. Life is what you make it. When you have a belief system (my husband and I follow the Bible's principles of love and respect being the core of a happy marriage) that you both follow, it's easier to weather the storms and enjoy the sunny days. I wish you all the best.:) More information on happy family life for single parents or married couples can be found on my favorite web site <http://www.watchtower.org>

By: Livingalmostlarge

Livingalmostlarge — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 03:13:39 +0000

I’m married and happily so. I’ve been living with my DH for almost 9 years (moved in together 2000) and we still don’t have kids. I am planning on having kids one day, but there is no rush.

So why get married? Because honestly it’s hard to be alone. It can be lonely, says MANY of my single friends including the single 31 year old guy that lives with us. He would love to meet someone but hasn’t yet.

As for females? Well according to my 2 best friends both single, they would like to be able to share parenting responsibilities. It’s tough being a single parent.

Remember you became a single parent after having a child, you didn’t concieve a child while single. I think that makes a huge difference.

Also I have many friends who are still single in their 30s, could be because of where I live, and most are young professionals. But they are desperately seeking someone. They would love to have someone to go to the movies, dinner, raise a family with. And they aren’t ready to pay a surrogate to have a child or adopt as a single man or single woman. Maybe if they aren’t married in another 10 years.

As a child of a single parent much like your son, I never knew my father. I have no pictures of him, NADA. I have meet him less than 5x in my life. I met him in January 2007 at my grandfather’s funeral for the first time I can actually remember. I did not recognize him at all. CLUELESS. I shook his hand and said hello.

I respect my mom’s choice, but she admits that remarrying and having help raise a child was a lot easier than being a single parent. You don’t realize the extra help, having someone to help bounce ideas off of. Having someone else rush your child to the doctorm, etc.

By: Wendy Liu

Wendy Liu — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:22:49 +0000

Don’t forget about the stupid wedding industry. Unfortunately many women want to get married just as an excuse to have a lavish ceremony and a huge rock on their finger. Just check out all the celeb megazines.

I’m a happily married woman myself and I recognise that my life is not perfect and it’s my responsibility to make myself happy.

By: Mia

Mia — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 02:36:53 +0000

Wow. Reading a lot of this stuff is rather depressing, negative, and just plain based on personal experience that lacks a lot of effort.

What many people need to realize is that love is a CHOICE. It is not automatic, it’s not ingrained, nor is it something that just pops out of the sky and falls into your lap. You CHOOSE to love your spouse, your children, your parents, etc. Heck, I don’t need to love anyone, and I could choose not to love anyone– but I make the conscious choice to love someone and to maintain that regardless of how bad things get. Granted there are going to be times where loving someone is hard as hell and you just wanna pop them one and snuff their lights out– but you continue to choose to love them and adjust and make yourself available and work at maintaining a reciprocal relationship happen.

You have to choose to want to be romantic and passionate with your partner. You have to choose to want to put the work into maintaining a healthy relationship.

I’m not saying getting married is for everyone, or being single is for everyone either. But honestly, if everyone else is keeping their nose out of your business, married or not, keep your nose out of their business too. I don’t care if married people mystify you or not– how they are working out their happiness or unhappiness is their business.

By: Charles Rivers

Charles Rivers — Fri, 23 May 2008 13:48:24 +0000

I would suggest to you that you too have a desire for marriage. But I would also seek to venture that you have a larger desire to avoid the pain of a coupling. The pain is not your coupling, but what you witnessed in your youthful past. I would also say that is what helped to end any close relationships you have with males. You may read this in my hard-back book, “Married without Baggage.”

Sincerely,
Charles Rivers
National Relationship Author

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:16:59 +0000

I LOVE this post.
I’m 25, single and I have no kids and I often think this!
I’m just not ready when everyone else (my family, friends) want me to be.

I want to live my life, first! Is that so wrong!

GREAT POST!

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:36:38 +0000

Pappatoons…and you two are definitely one of those rare and truly blissfully married couples. I know a handful and spot them every now and again…and that is exactly what I’m looking for – which is why I’m not married yet. : ) And just like you said, if one comes along – wonderful but I won’t settle. One divorce is plenty.

Thanks for sharing your story! Very good advice…

By: puppatoons

puppatoons — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 14:49:59 +0000

I think I’m the alien here.:)
My goal was never to “get married”. I was fine with going through life maybe dating someone occasionally, but “the ring”couldn’t have been farther from my thoughts.I just had too many other things taking up my time. All my friends got married before I did, and I was okay with that. But I thought, “if the right guy does come along, I’m going to try my best to get things right and not rush into anything.” My parents had both been married four times each, so I was determined not to repeat their mistakes.Sex was not part of my dating regime, to keep my head clearer about it all, and I didn’t want to have to worry about “the morning after” etc.My friends thought, again, athat I was some sort of alien,LOL..but hey, it paid off.
I met my husband at work and dated him for a year. He proposed, and I said, “Just to make sure were are the right ones for each other, let’s have a long engagement”. He agreed. We were engaged a year and a half.We have been married ten years and people compliment us on how romantic we still are with each other. Our interests are almost parallel.We’ve had small disagreements, but never a fight. Never raised our voices to each other. We’ve been married ten years. We decided that we wanted to keep things the way they are and so children are not in the picture.I understand that my plan certainly would have worked for very few people out there, but it really did land me with the right person. So yes, I know I’m an oddball, but I’m a happy little oddball.:)

By: Felicia Kidd

Felicia Kidd — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:28:09 +0000

Well I don’t think that all married people are weird. I just think that being married to the right person, having that partner in life is a good thing. Being married to your best friend, lover and companion can make life actually sweet and content. I am single parent age 36 and never been married and if I could find that right man for me and get married, I think I would be more happier. I don’t believe in sleeping around so being married and getting that intimacy from my partner would be wonderful.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 19:54:48 +0000

In response to mommypie’s statement about “the only acceptable (safe) solution in most women’s minds is marriage,” I just wanted to add:

The Alternatives to Marriage Project at unmarried.org is a nonprofit org advocating for people who choose to remain single (with or without children).

It’s a really good resource, not only for learning about the myriad issues that readily affect singles (e.g., taxes, healthcare, etc.), but also for learning about how other people manage to have healthy, stable, loving long-term relationships without tying them up in government paper.

That said, I agree with mommypie: marriage is still the only “safe” option in our current society. Still, doing your own thing relationship-wise can work, too, and I think that’s important to know. Definitely softens the harshness of the landscape created by cultural messages of “marry or die pitifully.”