Comments on: One step back…two steps forward?

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 00:31:20 +0000

And very insightful thoughts…thanks Jenny! I think I’m on a path of self-discovery here…trying to figure out the answers to all of these questions. I do see “objectively” that my driven nature is not the norm, but I guess my ideal partner would have similar goals. He has the goals – the desire to succeed it’s just his lifestyle – being so young, his head is just in a completely different place. Baby’s awake!! Gotta run…sigh.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:53:38 +0000

On the subject of goals, I must say I’m glad to see you’re letting up a bit on the boyfriend. Indeed, one thing to consider in all this is, how do you define “clear goals and ambitions” and what does it say to you about someone?

I mean, objectively I’m sure you know that not everyone is driven or motivated in the same way you are, and you know that not everyone values the same things in exactly the same way as you do. So, imo, it’s not really a question of “can I be with someone w/o clear goals, etc.” Instead, it’s a question of “can I be with someone who has different values, different indicators of achievement and success, etc.”

Regarding the question of “can I date someone who I have doubts I will actually marry?” I think this is a question often brought on by the social conditioning we undergo as we mature. Basically, if we’re not pair-bonded & sexually exclusive for life, we tend to think we should be and that there’s something potentially wrong with us if we don’t want those things.

I think to answer that question well means making a serious attempt at separating the social conditioning talk from the speech our spirit makes when we consider what we need to truly flourish in our own lives. For many people, what they need to flourish aligns with what society wants us to do. Hurray for them. But it’s not that way for everyone.

I don’t know if it’s that way for you — I know certainly that it’s not that way for me. But I only knew that when I made a conscious effort to consider what I needed independent of what my culture demanded of me.

Anyway, just some thoughts…

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 02:35:16 +0000

Thanks Sara! Things are still bothering me – I must admit. I’ll keep you all posted. I guess the real question for me is – can I date someone who I have doubts I will actually marry? Can any of us? When there are children involved, everything changes. And minus the kid factor? Am I the kind of woman who can be with someone who doesn’t have clear goals and ambitions? All of these questions are definitely ringing in my head right now. So … as always, time will tell.

By: sara

sara — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 23:45:43 +0000

When I read your post about you breaking up I felt so bad, and thought you were taking it pretty good. I would have been sad….angry …..devastated…..only since you seemed so happy about this guy. I would not have been wanting to go out…..then you mentioned he was in college and that you had been pressuring him about goals. If a guy is mature and working hard and considerate, but at his age does not have things figured out would i be ok with it? Yes, I put myself in his position when I was his age I didn’t have a clue let alone be with a single dad on top of my busy schedule. He sounds like a gem and maybe just having realistic expectations will help out. Both of you may want something different later, but just stick around to see especially if you are happy. Now if something keeps bothering you deep inside later on you can address it. Well I am just saying since like the post above mentioned I am just a bit jealous lol I am trying the yahoo pers. like you recommended let’s see if I am brave enough to just get in there.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:02:44 +0000

Oh I’m still here! And no, the picture isn’t actually me, I just loved it!

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 18:31:57 +0000

Yeah, you’re right. Mommy’s happiness leads to baby’s happiness. Good to hear from you Andrea! Was wondering where you went! I LOVE your Avatar picture – is that you? So cool.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 04:16:47 +0000

I think that you should do what makes you happy. You always think of your son first; whatever makes you happy makes you better for him.

I think I’m really jealous of you too.

By: drizitche

drizitche — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 19:33:37 +0000

drizitche.wordpress.com

~ Driz

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 13:48:28 +0000

Driz – what’s your blog addy – your link isn’t working???

By: mssinglemama

mssinglemama — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 11:22:07 +0000

Sounds very interesting Driz – I’ll definitely check it out. Excited to see it. Society does make it tough for women to be ultra-feminine. We can’t be too feminine in the work place – but we should be at home. Lots of mixed messages and it is tough.