I got dumped!!!

by mssinglemama on February 3, 2008

newyearseve.jpgYes. My “amazing” boyfriend actually just dumped me … over the phone. Things had been rocky since a night earlier this week when we had a heavy chat about his lack of ambition or clear life goals. “Clearly,” I said, “this is something I have to think about – as a single mom. I can’t just be with someone, have them in contact with my child, etc … if I don’t even know if I could potentially have a future with them.” Translation = I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn’t have their life relatively in order. I am also an extremely driven person and would like someone who is equally driven.

That didn’t sit well with him. And his responses didn’t sit well with me. An unresolvable issue. I’m 28, have a great career and my life is on track. He is 23, in college and has no idea what he wants to do with his. So – do I wait to see how he turns out, or call it like I see it? For the rest of the week our phone conversations were stifled by a heavy thought – should we be together?

But…I at least expected some more discussion, maybe a chance to lay back and have a good time together. Maybe a last chance to have sex? Wishful thinking. Instead, after a rotten day of him ignoring my phone calls he finally calls me back.

“I feel like I’m unhappily married and I don’t think I want it to continue.”

What? Plus the line sounded recited. My brain temporarily explodes and then re-corrects itself. This man who I have given myself to – loved – and above all, completely trusted for nearly four months is dumping me.

“And how long have you been feeling ‘unhappily married’?” I ask.

“About a week.” Huh. God – he really is 23. I should have expected this. The fact that a guy told me he felt unhappily married – when he has NO idea what that even means is actually comical.

I will spare you the details of the rest of the conversation. It was nasty. I said a few things I shouldn’t have…but I figured it might resonate better so he wouldn’t do this to another unsuspecting woman in the future.

So people seriously do this? They just dump each other cold – just like that? After this much time and this much intimacy? This is quite a world we live in.

I shed a few tears (almost) more like a few moments of being choked up and then I looked at Benjamin.

And we had fun – and by fun I mean some major fun. I actually figured out a new way to make him laugh so hard he can’t stop. (The method nvolves exaggerated open mouth funny face with “ooooohhh” sound and then slapping huge kiss on neck, face or belly). Very funny. At the end of the day, I remind myself, at least I have this amazing, beautiful little guy who will always love me no matter what.

And then I got incredibly excited thinking about all of the fun I’m going to have being single again. I called my friend Delcina and told her the news. She and I actually used to tear up the town (and the men) before I was even married. Needless to say she wasn’t disappointed, “I’m sad he hurt you – but damn, girl I am SO excited to go out!” I am too.

All of this talk lately about picking men up has had me missing it.

I know – you probably all think I’m crazy – maybe I am – but there is seriously nothing better than being completely free – because you never know who is around the corner. And at least this ended before it got too serious. My single mom friend Abby had a much longer relationship end recently and that’s tough. (She’s on a date as we speak by the way – and yes, she asked him out).

Maybe it doesn’t feel hard because…maybe I never really loved him. I don’t know. I do know it was wonderful to have a nice, sweet boyfriend while it lasted. But, I think from now on I’m going to stick with men my own age or older. No more young guys. They’re just too naive and they can’t possibly appreciate what they have because they have no frame of reference.

I wish Kris the best, I really do. He was always such a sweet heart to Benjamin and he did teach me one very important lesson – that men can fall in love with single moms, even if they’re super young, studly nerds…but I hope he learns how to properly dump someone.

So I’m back in the game! And I have a sneaking suspicion this blog is about to get much, much more interesting.

[Photo: Kris and I on New Year’s Eve – I’m wasted in this picture. Hee hee. When I used my editor to block out his face it said – click and drag to remove “blemish.” Ha! It was fun.]

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea February 3, 2008 at 8:13 am

You seem to be handling it so well. And why shouldn’t you? It’s his loss. Wait till he actually is unhappily married one day. Maybe he’ll think of you and all the fun you and Benjamin will most assuredly be having.

There is definitely something to be said about being free. Now get to dating so I can continue to learn from you!

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mssinglemama February 3, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Thanks Andrea! Actually…he called last night and insisted on coming over. It was a good thing. We had a very “proper good bye.” Our relationship was just too much for him to handle, given his crazy and unpredictable lifestyle. And in the end it was a nice, very nice, mutual decision. Bittersweet.

I will write more later tonight….so check back! And, yep, I’ll get right on that dating thing. : )

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Lauren February 3, 2008 at 6:49 pm

I just came across your blog yesterday, so I thought I’d pop in and leave a comment! I’m about to become a single mom in late March (or early April, depending on when this baby wants out), so it’s really interesting to see how other single moms are doing.

And sadly, breaking up over the phone is definitely a step up from the way my last boyfriend dumped me. He stopped calling me for about a week or so and then ended things over a Facebook message! (I would also like to add that I’m in college, and it seems like these quick breakups are the norm!)

I’m very interested to see how the dating goes for you!

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missvideos February 3, 2008 at 11:14 pm

Whilst of course, your life has to go on you too have to remember that your child is also growing up by the day. He needs some stability if his life just as you do too.

John

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mssinglemama February 4, 2008 at 2:32 am

Lauren – you’re right – he is in college after all…I’ve been there before, guess this is like a flashback. But all is well. You are so brave! I can’t believe you’re a single pregnant mom! You’re the first to comment on my blog and I really hope you keep us posted.

Miss Videos (John) – My child is being a raised by a single mother … his lifestyle will be different in that his mother is not with his father, and never was in his memory. Please feel free to read my post on introducing him to the kids – and the single mom dating conundrum. All I can tell you is that his health and happiness are #1 at all times – which is why being a single mom is one of the hardest jobs on Earth. Second only to hmmm…the Presidency? But a very, very valid point. Thank you.

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ana.biosis February 4, 2008 at 7:32 pm

Kuddos to you! Way to go! I’ll be in the cheering section living vicariously though you getting to be really single and dating again!

Don’t be sad…be glad you are wasting more time. And you know… you are his mother, you teach how to properly dump someone, otherwise make sure you tell next girl his MO. 😉

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singlemomseeking February 5, 2008 at 3:43 pm

At first, I was kind of shocked to read this. Reading about anyone’s life on a blog can be kind of one-dimensional, and now we get a fuller picture. Thanks for the truth. I appreciate it.

You do sound incredibly grounded and smart. Good for you.

Of course, I can’t help but ask: What have you told Benjamin?… Will Kris still be in his life? (As you know, I’ve been there.)

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