Yes. My “amazing” boyfriend actually just dumped me … over the phone. Things had been rocky since a night earlier this week when we had a heavy chat about his lack of ambition or clear life goals. “Clearly,” I said, “this is something I have to think about - as a single mom. I can’t just be with someone, have them in contact with my child, etc … if I don’t even know if I could potentially have a future with them.” Translation = I don’t know if I can be with someone who doesn’t have their life relatively in order. I am also an extremely driven person and would like someone who is equally driven.
That didn’t sit well with him. And his responses didn’t sit well with me. An unresolvable issue. I’m 28, have a great career and my life is on track. He is 23, in college and has no idea what he wants to do with his. So - do I wait to see how he turns out, or call it like I see it? For the rest of the week our phone conversations were stifled by a heavy thought - should we be together?
But…I at least expected some more discussion, maybe a chance to lay back and have a good time together. Maybe a last chance to have sex? Wishful thinking. Instead, after a rotten day of him ignoring my phone calls he finally calls me back.
“I feel like I’m unhappily married and I don’t think I want it to continue.”
What? Plus the line sounded recited. My brain temporarily explodes and then re-corrects itself. This man who I have given myself to - loved - and above all, completely trusted for nearly four months is dumping me.
“And how long have you been feeling ‘unhappily married’?” I ask.
“About a week.” Huh. God - he really is 23. I should have expected this. The fact that a guy told me he felt unhappily married - when he has NO idea what that even means is actually comical.
I will spare you the details of the rest of the conversation. It was nasty. I said a few things I shouldn’t have…but I figured it might resonate better so he wouldn’t do this to another unsuspecting woman in the future.
So people seriously do this? They just dump each other cold - just like that? After this much time and this much intimacy? This is quite a world we live in.
I shed a few tears (almost) more like a few moments of being choked up and then I looked at Benjamin.
And we had fun - and by fun I mean some major fun. I actually figured out a new way to make him laugh so hard he can’t stop. (The method nvolves exaggerated open mouth funny face with “ooooohhh” sound and then slapping huge kiss on neck, face or belly). Very funny. At the end of the day, I remind myself, at least I have this amazing, beautiful little guy who will always love me no matter what.
And then I got incredibly excited thinking about all of the fun I’m going to have being single again. I called my friend Delcina and told her the news. She and I actually used to tear up the town (and the men) before I was even married. Needless to say she wasn’t disappointed, “I’m sad he hurt you - but damn, girl I am SO excited to go out!” I am too.
All of this talk lately about picking men up has had me missing it.
I know - you probably all think I’m crazy - maybe I am - but there is seriously nothing better than being completely free - because you never know who is around the corner. And at least this ended before it got too serious. My single mom friend Abby had a much longer relationship end recently and that’s tough. (She’s on a date as we speak by the way - and yes, she asked him out).
Maybe it doesn’t feel hard because…maybe I never really loved him. I don’t know. I do know it was wonderful to have a nice, sweet boyfriend while it lasted. But, I think from now on I’m going to stick with men my own age or older. No more young guys. They’re just too naive and they can’t possibly appreciate what they have because they have no frame of reference.
I wish Kris the best, I really do. He was always such a sweet heart to Benjamin and he did teach me one very important lesson - that men can fall in love with single moms, even if they’re super young, studly nerds…but I hope he learns how to properly dump someone.
So I’m back in the game! And I have a sneaking suspicion this blog is about to get much, much more interesting.
[Photo: Kris and I on New Year's Eve - I'm wasted in this picture. Hee hee. When I used my editor to block out his face it said - click and drag to remove "blemish." Ha! It was fun.]
