Will he call? On asking men out…flat out.

by mssinglemama on February 1, 2008

phone.jpgRachel Sarah (Single Mom Seeking), has had quite a few very, very interesting posts this week. She was wondering if she should seek out a date for Valentine’s Day. It’s been a year of pure singleness for Rachel after a painful break up.

I suggested she ask a man out. Why not? We single moms have to take matters into our own hands and when it comes to dating – that means picking up men. Seriously – asking them out, flat out.

So – she followed my advice and the advice of all of her readers – and did it. She asked a guy out! Now she’s waiting to see if he’ll call…get the details here...very exciting stuff! And read my comments in her posts for more on how this method has worked for me in the past.

Have you ever done it? I have always advocated this … as you can read in some of my former posts. Why? Because men rarely ask women out. And if we do it – we are automatically a million times sexier because we are “confident, assertive” women who want them. They just love it. Once you realize the power you have when it comes to men you’ll be forever changed. Besides – it’s just fun.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrea February 1, 2008 at 11:40 pm

ms single mama,
i would first of all like to say, i. love. you. i read your blog on a regular basis and am officially de-lurking. sorry it took me so long.

now, i am commenting on this particular entry because i, like rachel, just asked a guy out this week. well, i gave him my phone number. on wednesday. now, will he call????

i do admire you because i know you are a big proponent of this whole make the first move thing. i am very bad at it. but things have worked out for you so far, with your amazing boyfriend and all, so i’m thinking i could definitely learn from you!!!

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mssinglemama February 2, 2008 at 1:05 am

Wow Andrea! Thank you…you just made my night! Seriously…so flattering. How did you ask him out? More details please. But if you’d rather not share…if he hasn’t called yet don’t freak out. He might be busy or getting up the nerve to call you – or just thinking about it. Men are scared of us too – we have to remember that. He might be just getting over a serious relationship or maybe his mom is coming into town this weekend.

If he doesn’t call at least you know that he’s not interested and you don’t have to waste another second daydreaming about him. If we don’t try at all than we never know.

I know it’s hard…I’ve definitely been rejected by men but when you haven’t even dated them it’s easier to get over. Sure, it stings…but the odds of “scoring” a guy are definitely higher if you are pro-active about it. You also gain confidence and get better at it in time. And the best part – you are in control of choosing who you want to date. It’s empowering and liberating.

Please, please keep me posted and if he doesn’t call – ask out another one! Woo hoo! Isn’t dating fun sometimes?

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Ahmad February 4, 2015 at 1:23 pm

Kewl you should come up with that. Exentlecl!

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Andrea February 2, 2008 at 3:12 am

ugh, he works at the restaurant next door to my work. for three weeks now he’s put extra chicken on my wrap, left his post to come talk to me even when there was no real need for his presence, sometimes if he was busy he would wave, but i always got SOMETHING. my presence never went unnoticed or unacknowledged, you know? so wednesday morning i ordered a bottle of water through the drive thru, scribbled down my phone number while waiting for my card back, and handed it to him after he handed me my receipt. so ridiculous but it was kind of a spur of the moment decision, and he seemed surprised but not altogether unhappy. i am pretty much very confused right now, because i really did not think i was reading things wrong, i kinda got a feeling, you know?

i am really not good at this dating thing. i got married when i was 18 and divorced when i was 22. that was two years ago. i have been single this whole time, just concentrating on making life better for myself and my children.

i love your advice to just ask out another one if he doesn’t call. actually i’m thinking i WON’T ask out another one! i will keep you posted. don’t think this blog isn’t getting read, because i for one love it, and have sent a couple of my single mom friends here a number of times. i love how optimistic you always are!

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mssinglemama February 2, 2008 at 4:04 am

Wow…you are really brave! Just like Rachel’s scenario. So you handed it to him? Did you say anything as you handed it to him?

You and Rachel both asked out men completely cold and it is very, very risky b/c you don’t know anything about them – you don’t know if they are taken or if they’re commitment phobes…just keep that in mind. It’s risky b/c if they don’t call you naturally assume they’re rejecting you – when in fact, there’s probably some good reason you just don’t know about. I just hope to god it doesn’t keep you from doing it again. That would be a small trajedy.

Having never really dated in your adult life you’re kind of learning everything from scratch – the one best piece of advice I can give you is – don’t take anything too seriously. Try to have as much fun as you can and just go with the flow.

Hmmm…I’m thinking I need to elaborate more on this in a new post. My single mama bud and I are also going to interview some guys (with a camera) on the idea of being asked out by women. We’ll do the footwork for you and you can just watch and learn … we’ll be learning too and probably getting all of their phone numbers! Ha!

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Andrea February 2, 2008 at 5:53 am

um, just “here”. then “okay, bye!” ugh i am so lame. i was soooooo nervous i was afraid i wouldn’t remember how to drive.

i guess when i’m done being discouraged i will admit that it is kind of fun, this whole dating thing. but grrr. frustrating too, very frustrating. and sometimes i wonder why i even bother because i am not exactly unhappy with my life. everything i have i have done for myself, so why do i feel the need to complicate things?

i’ll be watching for that video. oh, and the possiblity that he has a girlfriend has crossed my mind, but i’d rather not think about that. haha.

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Chris February 3, 2015 at 1:19 am

making the mistake last for 23 years has left me vrliuatly scared and scarred.I am trying to keep on the online dating sites. I have gained more confidence since I have been listening to your advise and encouragement. Thank you. Like I said I do not know what I want. I guess a friend to share life with. Simple? So is that what I should say on the online dating sites? Is that too scary for a guy to hear? To cliche?I will go back on and try try and try again ..be dating every week keep on trucking as they used to say!Best wishes,Lin

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mssinglemama February 2, 2008 at 3:31 pm

It was fun! It would be even more fun if he calls…yes, but now you know you have the courage to do that and next time you’re actually talking to a guy and feeling that spark you should just ask him in the moment. Sometimes that’s easier. Usually I like to have something to invite them to – like a party or a coffee date…or (since you’re young like me this line would fly) – “my friends and I are going to a great bar on Friday night if you want to come – should be lots of fun.”

Even if you don’t have plans you can quickly throw them together later. Then you’re out with your friends, all gussied up and in the mood to meet guys – so if he’s a no show – no biggie – you’ll meet more.

And – as far as wondering why even bother – I’m right there with you. But when a guy lights a fire in your belly, what are you going to do? It can complicate things which is why I avoid the jerks like the plague. How do you tell if they’re jerks? Not so easy. That’s why it’s up to you to think with your head during the first few months of dating someone new – it’s easy to fall – but make sure you’ve got your head on straight and not losing that happiness you’ve built for yourself. Make sense?

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