Toddlers are CRAZY!!!

by mssinglemama on February 1, 2008

mytoddler.jpgMy little baby has evolved into a full fledged toddler and these little monsters are totally nuts…

Is this seriously how it’s going to be for the next two years? Seriously? This is pure insanity. How do moms do it? Especially when they have an extremely independent one like mine.

In the Ms. Single Mama household, it usually goes something like this:

Fill in activity with either a) liquid spitting b) throwing objects c) hitting me in the face d) messing with my new iMac e) or any event involving anything he doesn’t want to do.

Benjamin starts “no, no” activity.

Me: Please stop that Benjamin, we don’t (fill in activity).

Benjamin: SCREAAMMMMM “No!” “No!” – throws himself on floor.

That’s about it. Then it continues to spiral until he eventually calms down. Repeat entire scenario approximately 5-10 minutes later. Sigh.

The most effective method so far has been ignoring the behavior all together and if I can’t ignore it and have to say “no” – then I ignore the meltdown that ensues. This has been going on for about a week now – this super, intense screaming fit thing. His daycare people say he’s just fine and acting like his normal self. So I know it’s just between us two. I also think he’s going through a bit of separation anxiety.

Ugh. Sigh. Motherhood is SO hard. And there are so many pressures to be a good mother. My mommy friends are great. They reassure me that this is normal and that I better hang on tight because it’s going to be quite a ride. It’s just so rough already. And when it’s just you – the sole parent – I would guess we’re more likely to snap and lose our cool than coupled parents who have the luxury of taking turns.

I’ve been looking for a book on single parenting methods but can’t find one. Any suggestions?

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Dawn February 1, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Ohhh I so can relate! Sunrise is 25 months and driving me INSANE. It is funny because some of the mother people I know think that I overexaggerate about it…but what they dont get, is that doing it alone makes it all the much harder. There is noone to help while you take a break. Heck I dont know what a break is.

I dont have any suggestions on books..but just wanted to let you know, that you are not alone, and I can relate.

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mssinglemama February 1, 2008 at 3:23 pm

Thank you Dawn! I know – I just surfed on Amazon for single parenting books and one looked hopeful but then says the author’s biggest tip is finding Christ to help you. Ummm…great. If that’s the best tip I’m in trouble. : ) Thanks again for the encouragement. This morning was a bit better … looking forward to an entire weekend without an illness to just chill with him and work on some of these issues.

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Jenny February 1, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Hmmm…unfortunately, I don’t have any suggestions on books. I hesitate to say more than what your mom friends have already suggested since “holding on tight” is really what it comes down to. I would add, though, that the 2s are when you start holding on tight….personally, I don’t think the grip really loosens until they’re out of high school. The boundary testing is only just getting started.

I will also add that, because this is the start of boundary testing, how you manifest your authority as the behavioral gatekeeper, so to speak, is as important as what you say in that role. I mean, it’s all well and good for kids to explore and tear things apart and throw fits. But I think moms at this stage have to be stronger than their kids in terms of energy — they have to be the stern rock against which their kids’ tidal waves can break, imho.

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Crazy Computer Dad February 1, 2008 at 4:16 pm

Mine is ten, and he still does it. Exactly like you said. Most kids grow out of it so most likely your’s will. We all get over stressed and freak out at these things sometimes. I know stay at home moms that freak out too. Combine working and the rush rush world of single parenting and there are days, like today, where my brain is mush, my eyes don’t even focus right ( I can’t really read what I am typing here) , stress oozing out of my pores, and when my son comes home he thinks I’m his personal chef and sole entertainment source. He is going to his grandparents this weekend for a much needed break, but I already can’t wait for summer when he goes to his mom’s. It’s easier then because she calls me yelling and screaming like it is my fault or something….and I can quietly laugh while calmly walking her through the fix-it process….and then I can talk to my son like nothing is wrong because it isn’t my responsibility to punish or correct. 🙂 One time he lit off a fire extinguisher at his mom’s work…..I got to say “That had to be cool!!!!! What was it like?” His mom….was really mad at me. So doing it totally alone through the year is hard, but he and I both survive it somehow.

I don’t know of any books that come to mind either. I just got Dating for Dads Without Parenting Poorly. Looking for tips there to be a good father while making sure I am good to myself as well. If I find any good tips I’ll let you know.

Dawn,
I really feel for you too. Just being able to talk to another person at an adult level that is right there with you dealing with the problem has got to be easier than just you and your child. I wish sometimes I could just say “I need to go take a hot shower, can you deal with this while I decompress a little?” People that don’t know my son try to give me advice….they just don’t understand the issues and can’t believe that I’ve already tried all of their solutions and none of them work….

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singlemomseeking February 1, 2008 at 7:10 pm

First, you’re a great mama (we’ll address your dating advice in another post…Ha ha).

My favorite book is: “Positive Discipline for Single Parents.”

In no way am I saying that your guy needs discipline. He’s a toddler! He’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing.

But what I love about this book is that it encourages us to listen to our children (even when it’s so hard!) and help them figure out more positive ways to express their feelings. (Instead of, say, banging their heads on the floor, which my girl used to try at age two.)

In the meantime, maybe you can grab two pillows — and both of you can scream into them?… Or you two can race around the yard?

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Brianna January 18, 2012 at 1:23 am

I feel the same way I have twins that are two and so often daydream of how luxurious it’d be to be able to tag someone else in every once in a while! The pressure of being the best mom for your babies is so stressful, and on your own you feel like you’re not allowed show any weakness or they sniff it out! Good to know other Mamas feel this way too!

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Sheba Wiersema October 18, 2013 at 1:37 am

My dream retirement locale is Portugal! I have go through that it is THE place to retire in Europe due to a decreased than average cost of living , a large coastline (so it’s a lot easier to live close to your ocean), and less citizenship/visa red tape.

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