Comments on: Single Mom S.O.S. – Explaining a Break Up http://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/ Single Mom Dating? Real advice from a real single mom. Mon, 21 May 2012 18:45:47 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: surviving breakuphttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-61812 surviving breakup Thu, 10 May 2012 14:38:49 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-61812 I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your site is really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back in the future. Many thanks I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your site is really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back in the future. Many thanks

]]> By: Man of my Dreams to Man of my Nightmareshttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-60297 Man of my Dreams to Man of my Nightmares Thu, 03 May 2012 15:01:11 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-60297 My son's father has been non-exsistent in my son's short 2 1/2 years of life. Its been so hard & one thing that has had me upset is that I would never have someone to share his amazing moments & milestones with, who looks at him with a genuine look of proud amazement, the way I look at him & feel when he does something amazingm. Then I met a man who has never been married & has no children. He is handsome, smart, hardworking & at my age, he is a needle in a haystack. To make things even better, he was awesome with my son & my son adored him. He looked at him the same way I do! I was so happy. Of course, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is and it was. I found out he was having an emotional affair with an older woman & after I confronted him, he told me he wanted to be with me and it would end with her. Less than a week later, curiousity was eating me alive so I checked his cell phone. I feel bad for doing that but guess what? He was still corresponding with her, sending flirty texts like asking if she wanted to go parking. I am crushed & to make matters worse (if that is possible) he doesn't think he did anything wrong, says the texts were a joke & innocent. Obviously he is not trustworthy & although I really thought he was perfect in everyway, unfortunately he is a liar. The worst part about all of this is that my son adored him. He will talk about him & ask about him. I know that in time, he will forget but it doesn't make me feel any better since my son thought the world of him. Why would a man do this to anyone but especially a single mom. There is nothing I can say to a 2 year old that he would understand. All he knows is that the great guy he used to see everyday & play with is gone. What a hard lesson I have learned. As a single mom, I have decided not to date anymore....a trustworthy, honest man is almost impossible to find and I definitely want to raise one! My son’s father has been non-exsistent in my son’s short 2 1/2 years of life. Its been so hard & one thing that has had me upset is that I would never have someone to share his amazing moments & milestones with, who looks at him with a genuine look of proud amazement, the way I look at him & feel when he does something amazingm. Then I met a man who has never been married & has no children. He is handsome, smart, hardworking & at my age, he is a needle in a haystack. To make things even better, he was awesome with my son & my son adored him. He looked at him the same way I do! I was so happy. Of course, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is and it was. I found out he was having an emotional affair with an older woman & after I confronted him, he told me he wanted to be with me and it would end with her. Less than a week later, curiousity was eating me alive so I checked his cell phone. I feel bad for doing that but guess what? He was still corresponding with her, sending flirty texts like asking if she wanted to go parking. I am crushed & to make matters worse (if that is possible) he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, says the texts were a joke & innocent. Obviously he is not trustworthy & although I really thought he was perfect in everyway, unfortunately he is a liar. The worst part about all of this is that my son adored him. He will talk about him & ask about him. I know that in time, he will forget but it doesn’t make me feel any better since my son thought the world of him. Why would a man do this to anyone but especially a single mom. There is nothing I can say to a 2 year old that he would understand. All he knows is that the great guy he used to see everyday & play with is gone. What a hard lesson I have learned. As a single mom, I have decided not to date anymore….a trustworthy, honest man is almost impossible to find and I definitely want to raise one!

]]> By: Boyfriend Breakuphttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-52448 Boyfriend Breakup Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:05:53 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-52448 The speedy alternative for help with boyfriend breakup and get him back The speedy alternative for help with boyfriend breakup and get him back

]]> By: Chrishttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-31174 Chris Thu, 15 Sep 2011 23:19:47 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-31174 I'm finding myself at a loss here. I wanted to start a family with my gf, of one year, so badly at first. It just seems that the only real time we spend together now is on making plans for me to watch her 2 y.o. son, or us watching him together. We went out at first, we seemed to share the same interest, we haven't even really fought. But now we barely speak on anything important, we don't go out, and I wonder if I'm being unfair just for thinking on how much we still have in common. All the work we put into trying to make things work at first have gone into making the child happy, which makes her happy, and I feel no better than a baby sitter. I know communication is key, but how does one seek to save a relationship when the mere mention of what I am feeling may end what I wish to save? I don't want to be a bad guy and I know she has so much on her shoulders, but I don't think she can see the weight this places on me and how unused to it I am. This being my first real relationship in my 30 years of life, I am unaccustomed as to how I should talk about my feelings when they run this deep. I did try explaining it once but she laughed it off, because I thought it out and made a bullet point list of what I wanted to address so I wouldn't forget what I wanted to convey. I feel more closed off then ever and even as I write this I don't know why I'm trying to save it. I have read a number of articles on dating a single mom but I haven't found one yet that addresses what I'm facing. I thought I was supposed to be the one that was closed off. Instead, she is the first person I opened up to and I feel like I'm talking to a wall. Hence me writing this to you. I’m finding myself at a loss here. I wanted to start a family with my gf, of one year, so badly at first. It just seems that the only real time we spend together now is on making plans for me to watch her 2 y.o. son, or us watching him together. We went out at first, we seemed to share the same interest, we haven’t even really fought. But now we barely speak on anything important, we don’t go out, and I wonder if I’m being unfair just for thinking on how much we still have in common.

All the work we put into trying to make things work at first have gone into making the child happy, which makes her happy, and I feel no better than a baby sitter. I know communication is key, but how does one seek to save a relationship when the mere mention of what I am feeling may end what I wish to save?
I don’t want to be a bad guy and I know she has so much on her shoulders, but I don’t think she can see the weight this places on me and how unused to it I am. This being my first real relationship in my 30 years of life, I am unaccustomed as to how I should talk about my feelings when they run this deep.
I did try explaining it once but she laughed it off, because I thought it out and made a bullet point list of what I wanted to address so I wouldn’t forget what I wanted to convey. I feel more closed off then ever and even as I write this I don’t know why I’m trying to save it. I have read a number of articles on dating a single mom but I haven’t found one yet that addresses what I’m facing.
I thought I was supposed to be the one that was closed off. Instead, she is the first person I opened up to and I feel like I’m talking to a wall. Hence me writing this to you.

]]> By: Lhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-30516 L Fri, 02 Sep 2011 02:06:44 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-30516 Thank you all for this thread, tonight I typed "broken hearted single mom" into Google and this site is what came up... I have a six and a half year old daughter whose father has never been involved in her life or paid a dime in child support (long story). I've never really known how to choose the right guys, and am just now figuring out a list of criteria to go by in future decisions... I was just left by a man I was with for six months - I kept it a secret as long as I could from my daughter - but she found out about two months ago and is, of course, attached now. She doesn't know yet that we've broken up - it was just "official" two days ago and she was watching cartoons on the couch while we were upstairs having "the talk". This comes nine months after a two year relationship I thought would be "the one" - but ended because he wouldn't move forward in any way and basically wanted to have all the benefits of a family and none of the responsibilities. I'm trying now to figure out how to keep this from happening again, to save my daughter the experience of seeing men take what they want and leave. The earlier statement about seeing a mom for who she really is and leaving because of it gives me pause... I never changed the way I discipline my daughter in a relationship - but in the last month or two of the recent relationship my daughter had lots of sleepovers and playdates with friends so I could make time for my boyfriend. She never complained - she asked me to set them up! The boyfriend did make a comment here or there, though, and maybe he thought it was too much time apart? I don't know... Ultimately I have to accept that my daughter and I may be a family of two for a very long time - but that's better than watching her confusion and sadness... I've made every decision that has brought us to this place. It's my fault for not being able to be attracted to the right guys and picking the emotionally unavailable ones that are really, in actuality, doing the best they can just as I am. Thank you all for this thread, tonight I typed “broken hearted single mom” into Google and this site is what came up…
I have a six and a half year old daughter whose father has never been involved in her life or paid a dime in child support (long story). I’ve never really known how to choose the right guys, and am just now figuring out a list of criteria to go by in future decisions…
I was just left by a man I was with for six months – I kept it a secret as long as I could from my daughter – but she found out about two months ago and is, of course, attached now. She doesn’t know yet that we’ve broken up – it was just “official” two days ago and she was watching cartoons on the couch while we were upstairs having “the talk”.
This comes nine months after a two year relationship I thought would be “the one” – but ended because he wouldn’t move forward in any way and basically wanted to have all the benefits of a family and none of the responsibilities.
I’m trying now to figure out how to keep this from happening again, to save my daughter the experience of seeing men take what they want and leave.
The earlier statement about seeing a mom for who she really is and leaving because of it gives me pause… I never changed the way I discipline my daughter in a relationship – but in the last month or two of the recent relationship my daughter had lots of sleepovers and playdates with friends so I could make time for my boyfriend. She never complained – she asked me to set them up! The boyfriend did make a comment here or there, though, and maybe he thought it was too much time apart? I don’t know…
Ultimately I have to accept that my daughter and I may be a family of two for a very long time – but that’s better than watching her confusion and sadness… I’ve made every decision that has brought us to this place. It’s my fault for not being able to be attracted to the right guys and picking the emotionally unavailable ones that are really, in actuality, doing the best they can just as I am.

]]> By: Peterhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28391 Peter Fri, 05 Aug 2011 05:49:21 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28391 Hi Cecelia, I think that is horrible for a person to do that to another person. Me being a guy I would say that he only cared about his needs and didn't even take in consideration how uncomfortable he is making his daughter by bringing her there. Yes we all may want that attention from the opposite sex but he needs to grow up and realize what he is doing to his kids. Not only is it hard for the kids to see their parents not together but to drag your daughter to a new girls place is totally wrong, but the other girl should of told him to spend and share that quality time with his daughter, and to get involved with the 10 yr. old. For him to take only one child and basically not acknowledge the other child is totally horrible, and is sending very bad messages to the child. Unfortunately guys can be real immature, and as being a guy myself I am sorry that you are dealt with a real tool like him, I wish you the best of luck! Hi Cecelia, I think that is horrible for a person to do that to another person. Me being a guy I would say that he only cared about his needs and didn’t even take in consideration how uncomfortable he is making his daughter by bringing her there. Yes we all may want that attention from the opposite sex but he needs to grow up and realize what he is doing to his kids. Not only is it hard for the kids to see their parents not together but to drag your daughter to a new girls place is totally wrong, but the other girl should of told him to spend and share that quality time with his daughter, and to get involved with the 10 yr. old. For him to take only one child and basically not acknowledge the other child is totally horrible, and is sending very bad messages to the child. Unfortunately guys can be real immature, and as being a guy myself I am sorry that you are dealt with a real tool like him, I wish you the best of luck!

]]> By: Peterhttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28388 Peter Fri, 05 Aug 2011 04:48:18 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28388 Hi everyone, i'm in need of some advice, I am 28 years old, I just found out that my sons mom has been intensely flirting with two othe guys while i am working 50-60 hrs. a week, going to school full time and in the reserves. This is the second time she has showed me that she can't be trusted, but now we have a son that is five years old, and I know that if I move out it will crush his heart, but i can't keep letting things like this go on. I provide everything for the house and she is supposed to be taking care of our son. I am trying to do the right thing here but I have no clue of what to say or do for him to understand that I will always be there for him and that I love him vey much, but the pain that this girl keeps giving me is just taking a huge toll on me, if anyone has any advice I am all ears, thank you! Hi everyone, i’m in need of some advice, I am 28 years old, I just found out that my sons mom has been intensely flirting with two othe guys while i am working 50-60 hrs. a week, going to school full time and in the reserves. This is the second time she has showed me that she can’t be trusted, but now we have a son that is five years old, and I know that if I move out it will crush his heart, but i can’t keep letting things like this go on. I provide everything for the house and she is supposed to be taking care of our son. I am trying to do the right thing here but I have no clue of what to say or do for him to understand that I will always be there for him and that I love him vey much, but the pain that this girl keeps giving me is just taking a huge toll on me, if anyone has any advice I am all ears, thank you!

]]> By: Ceceliahttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28053 Cecelia Tue, 26 Jul 2011 09:32:32 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-28053 um all this sounds so familiar to me. 4 weeks ago i findout that my partner of over 5 years was cheating on me with his best friends ex who had just had a baby 5 weeks earlier and split with him a few days before they hooked up. We have a 3 n a half year old together and a 10 year old from a previous relationship. We are sorting custody of the 3 n half year old he doesn't want anything to do with the 10 year old. I am finding it hard as i can't understand how someone u thought who loved you can do something like this to his family. Let alone use your child to tell you what he is doing, then the fact he was dragn our daughter to the girlfriends first weekend he had her all day and the next time he stays with your child at the new girlfriends and after 5 weeks of them being together they are moving in together. The effects on our 3 n half year are not great, wants to sleep with the door wide open always the first night back home wakes up screaming, she seems very insecure and much more. To me it just shows me what type of person he was and is now. Why do people do this to kids, i can deal with my own pain but do not like to see my children in pain or miss treated. And when it comes to custody they have all the rights in the world and you just have to go along with it. You are told you are meant to do your best by your child but it should be both parents doing this, not just one who has to pick up all the pieces of your broken children just because your ex isn't think about anyone but himself! um all this sounds so familiar to me. 4 weeks ago i findout that my partner of over 5 years was cheating on me with his best friends ex who had just had a baby 5 weeks earlier and split with him a few days before they hooked up. We have a 3 n a half year old together and a 10 year old from a previous relationship. We are sorting custody of the 3 n half year old he doesn’t want anything to do with the 10 year old. I am finding it hard as i can’t understand how someone u thought who loved you can do something like this to his family. Let alone use your child to tell you what he is doing, then the fact he was dragn our daughter to the girlfriends first weekend he had her all day and the next time he stays with your child at the new girlfriends and after 5 weeks of them being together they are moving in together. The effects on our 3 n half year are not great, wants to sleep with the door wide open always the first night back home wakes up screaming, she seems very insecure and much more. To me it just shows me what type of person he was and is now. Why do people do this to kids, i can deal with my own pain but do not like to see my children in pain or miss treated. And when it comes to custody they have all the rights in the world and you just have to go along with it. You are told you are meant to do your best by your child but it should be both parents doing this, not just one who has to pick up all the pieces of your broken children just because your ex isn’t think about anyone but himself!

]]> By: Jennihttp://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-27577 Jenni Mon, 20 Jun 2011 15:18:37 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-27577 I hear you all on this one. My BF and I were at the 18 month point and dont get me wrong, we had some issues, but one day after a fight he tells me he wants to move out. It took 2 weeks while he looked for a place and 5 days after the break up he meets this girl and they start dating while he is still living there. Needless to say he moved out shortly thereafter, but my 4 year old and 8 year old are at a loss as to how he was there one week taking them to daycare and playing with them, and the next he is telling me don't contact him and he doesn't want to hear from any of us. It hurt hearing my son tell my daughter this weekend for fathers day that he doesn't have a daddy anymore b/c *** moved out and doesn't love him. Now of course I am trying to be careful who I hang out with bc I have a guy friend that is just a friend but my son asked immidiatly, "is he going to be your new BF and my daddy?" Guys just don't understand what this does to kids..and he was the one that first told me he loved me, wanted to live with me, wanted to buy a house..ect. I hear you all on this one. My BF and I were at the 18 month point and dont get me wrong, we had some issues, but one day after a fight he tells me he wants to move out. It took 2 weeks while he looked for a place and 5 days after the break up he meets this girl and they start dating while he is still living there. Needless to say he moved out shortly thereafter, but my 4 year old and 8 year old are at a loss as to how he was there one week taking them to daycare and playing with them, and the next he is telling me don’t contact him and he doesn’t want to hear from any of us. It hurt hearing my son tell my daughter this weekend for fathers day that he doesn’t have a daddy anymore b/c *** moved out and doesn’t love him. Now of course I am trying to be careful who I hang out with bc I have a guy friend that is just a friend but my son asked immidiatly, “is he going to be your new BF and my daddy?” Guys just don’t understand what this does to kids..and he was the one that first told me he loved me, wanted to live with me, wanted to buy a house..ect.

]]> By: Single Mom Needing Answers!http://mssinglemama.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-26730 Single Mom Needing Answers! Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:04:18 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2008/01/23/telling-the-kids/#comment-26730 I am a single mom and have been since his dad and I divorced when he was 7 months old. My son is 5 now. When my son was three I started dating a really nice guy, not my "type" at all because let's face it....my "type" didn't work out so good. Things progressed gradually but ultimately I felt very smothered and choked in the relationship and it long term was not going to work out for me. I thought about breaking up with the bf for about a year before I did. I broke it off with him just two days ago. The bf wound up moving in with my son and I about a year ago -- not because we made a concsious decision to move in together -- just because he was spending more and more time there and it evolved to him spending every night there. Because my son did not see the bf every night and every morning though, my son never put two and two together that the bf lived with us. My son and the bf were good friends, my son loved him. They would play video games together, he would make my son breakfast, take him to disney. He was a good role model. The bf was an all around really nice guy. I just really wasn't in love with him and I just couldn't live a lie anymore just because my son had a role model for now and because I had some help. So long story short, I broke it off and now I need to tell my son. I don't know how to do it. I have resolved the guilt because although the bf is a good role model for a 5 year old, his personality type would not have been a good role model for my son as he grew up and the relationship between the two would have never evolved to much more than video games, legos and changing the oil in the car. I know I made the right decision in the long run for all of us but I just don't know how to tell my son. If anyone can give me some advice on breaking the news to a 5 year old about a break up I would appreciate the help. It's been two days and he hasn't asked for him yet. I am a single mom and have been since his dad and I divorced when he was 7 months old. My son is 5 now. When my son was three I started dating a really nice guy, not my “type” at all because let’s face it….my “type” didn’t work out so good. Things progressed gradually but ultimately I felt very smothered and choked in the relationship and it long term was not going to work out for me. I thought about breaking up with the bf for about a year before I did. I broke it off with him just two days ago. The bf wound up moving in with my son and I about a year ago — not because we made a concsious decision to move in together — just because he was spending more and more time there and it evolved to him spending every night there. Because my son did not see the bf every night and every morning though, my son never put two and two together that the bf lived with us. My son and the bf were good friends, my son loved him. They would play video games together, he would make my son breakfast, take him to disney. He was a good role model. The bf was an all around really nice guy. I just really wasn’t in love with him and I just couldn’t live a lie anymore just because my son had a role model for now and because I had some help. So long story short, I broke it off and now I need to tell my son. I don’t know how to do it. I have resolved the guilt because although the bf is a good role model for a 5 year old, his personality type would not have been a good role model for my son as he grew up and the relationship between the two would have never evolved to much more than video games, legos and changing the oil in the car. I know I made the right decision in the long run for all of us but I just don’t know how to tell my son. If anyone can give me some advice on breaking the news to a 5 year old about a break up I would appreciate the help. It’s been two days and he hasn’t asked for him yet.

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