There is a book called “Emotionally Unavailable” that is great for at least understanding why some people are as broken as they are, especially if you are feeling like it was your fault that the relationship went awry. There is a lot of good information in there either way though.

I had one relationship that ended nearly amicably. The others were pretty harsh, but in each case I have been the one to end it. There never is a good time or a good way…or maybe I just don’t have the knack, but when it gets to the point that for one reason or another I am not attracted to the person any more and I don’t see a future with them, I tell them my feelings and I tell them that we need to end the relationship. In each case they were the only person I was involved with, my attention was all on them, but it just wasn’t working out. I didn’t leave anyone to pursue someone else, they just were not the right people. Regardless, they are usually pretty angry about it and I hear from them and their friends (which never know the whole story mind you).

There was one woman that I adored from the moment I first started talking to her, and I still do (even though we don’t talk anymore). We dated twice, the first time for nine months, the second for eighteen. Both breakups were hard, but she lied, cheated, and manipulated me both times…The problem was that I didn’t realize all of that until the end the second time. I thought the first time was all my fault because I didn’t make enough money, was paying off a large debt from my marriage, not getting any child support (and still don’t), and continuing my education. I still don’t know the whole story, never will, but I know enough to stay away from her no matter what I feel from now on.

I”m learning to find the balance between what I need to do for my son, what I need to do for me, what I need to do for my girlfriend, and what I need to do for my friends, family, etc. It isn’t easy.

My first, out-of-the-gate gig in the early post separation days ended up being a freak show. I had only been separated a month or so, and I probably was not ready to date. But, it seemed like a better idea that staying home and crying into my son’s baby blanket.

I agreed to meet a man that I met online at a restaurant. He was tall, handsome and charming, and he swept me off of my feet. He was really romantic and he made me feel like a desirable woman again. We had wine, we danced, we alked, and well, you know…How could a girl resist?

Here’s where it gets good…
After a few dates, he asked me if I’d be interested in a threesome. I said, “No, sorry, that’s really not my bag.”

Then just like classic Jekyll and Hyde, he changed into a freak. He began to berate and demoralize me. Soon, I had to block him from e-mailing me., but before I did he told me, “Yeah…I’ve met and bedded at least 100 women from ‘fillintheblank.com.’ It was like taking candy…”

Ouch! I totally got played…Then I totally went to the OB/Gyn for a full STD panel.

Live & learn the hard way. That’s how I like it. Or, how I USED to like it…

I think wondering how/if it will end may be a human condition that, after just one difficult parting, haunts many of us.

Random Esquire – hoo rah! You’re an honest man. Few and far between. But when you date a single mom… there’s another card I didn’t mention in this post – saying good bye to the children involved. I don’t even know how I will handle this in the future…b/c mine is still so young.

In this case – the guy used the “see ya later” approach combined with the “I still love you” approach and didn’t even say good bye to her daughter – after 11 months. Ugghh…sigh. And yes, Jenny, good she found out now and not later.

But this is something us single moms can’t forget…ever…if it ends…how will it end? Does he really love my children too? So complicated. Hence this blog and the reason behind it…trying to sort it all out.

I mean, what’s to like about this type of situation? When you’re dumped, you’re essentially being fired from the job of Significant Other. It takes a certain kind of person to either fire or weather being fired with grace and frankly, most of us (men and women alike) aren’t that kind of person. When we’re dumped we go nuts. And when we dump someone, we just want to go away, quickly.

Cowardly, spineless, whatever. Avoiding pain is a powerful instinct, just as the desire to pair-bond is. Apparently, that’s all this dumper-guy can do, act on instinct. Better to know that now, I say.