Do men really care if you’re a single mom?

by mssinglemama on January 17, 2008

Not unless you do.

The question should be “Do you think men really care if you’re a single mom?” If the answer is no – you’re good to go. If not … keep reading.

When I started to date again, 5 months after my husband and I separated, I could imagine the end result – a sweet husband, a sweet father. But how would I get there? How would a man not run away screaming after spending more than one day with my feisty little baby? What if he saw me change a poopy diaper? What if Benjamin threw food in his face? And how would I even find the time to date him?

I didn’t think any man could actually handle that. But in reality – it was me.

I couldn’t imagine them entering our lives…so I never let any of them get in. I was pushing them away. More importantly, my desperation was pushing them away.

In the end it was a man who made me see the light.

This past summer I had a fun fling. He was super sweet and completely smitten with me. It was only because he was “safe and non-threatening” that I was able to let him see everything – me changing diapers, me covered in messy baby food, me cleaning the house, me being with my son.

In the end we broke up mutually and we’re still friends – he was a great guy! The lesson he left me with … men can fall in love with single moms – and just like always – when a man falls for a woman, they fall hard.  And that whole kid thing? It’s icing on the cake.

This is all true if you’ve got a good one. The jerks will fall away and some may hurt you in the process but over time you’ll be better at spotting them

Have you pushed men away? Do you still feel desirable?

Related posts:

  1. One side effect of being a dating single mama…my baby is trying to make out with me.
  2. When Do You Tell Him You’re a Single Mom?
  3. Can single moms really “fall in love”?
  4. The Single Mom Dating Conundrum.
  5. Single Mom Night Out

{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

katie January 17, 2008 at 3:58 am

Ditto!
I am very selective of whom I let enter our lives. I don’t tolerate crap that I would have put up with when I was younger. The fact is that being a single mom takes so much time and energy there really isn’t much “extra” left for dating so he better be “worth” getting a babysitter otherwise I’d rather be sharing popcorn and watching Scooby Doo with my children.

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Ms. Single Mama January 17, 2008 at 1:35 pm

Katie – thanks for pointing out the baby sitter factor. I don’t want to say I wasted a lot of money on bad dates – but it sure feels like it when you get home late at night – and then you’re tired for the next day trying to catch up on lack of sleep. The best thing about my man – he actually offers to watch Benjamin for me so I can go out with the girls or run errands! Now – that’s amazing. Not trying to brag – just trying to illustrate how great some men can be to single moms. They’re out there…that’s for sure.

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healingmom January 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm

The man I have been seeing for the last 6 months has put up with a lot of drama, but not because of my son; because of my ex. My ex is a train wreck and has caused many problems in my & my son’s lives. Like you, I am lucky. My boyfriend is wonderful…the man of my dreams. My ex is the man of my nightmares. Literally. I worry about my ex coming between us more than my son. My son and my bf get along great, and my son loves that he has kids his age because he has always been an only child. I sometimes wonder if my bf will bail or not want to have something long term bacause of my ex. It’s infuriating that my ex wrecked my life in the past, sometimes in the present, and, now, maybe in the future. : (

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mssinglemama January 18, 2008 at 5:08 pm

Healing Mom – I didn’t even think about that potential factor! Horrible. I think anyone who really loves you will stick with it – and help you figure out a way to rein your ex in – if not for you – but for your son’s sake. Good luck!

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Nicole January 25, 2008 at 4:43 am

Do you ever get those moments where you’re just like: “Oh.. wow.. I never even thought of that. I think that might describe me.” ?

Yeah… the first big paragraph after your list: Reality Check.
Ouch.
lol
I hate when that little dose of reality comes from someone other than myself lol

Great post. :)

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mssinglemama January 25, 2008 at 12:22 pm

Yep Nicole – it’s the one thing we do without even realizing it – we don’t even give them a chance. But realizing it is the first step toward correcting it.

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Max L. July 24, 2008 at 12:34 am

Hello,

I actually am the guy dating the single mother. I never thought i would fall for a girl that came with a child, but his name is Ry Ry (Ryland) and he really helped fill some holes in my life along with his mom Brittni.

i guess my point is, if the girl is worth it, then the guy will love the kid just as much, we have been hanging out as just friends for 6 months, and just the other night we finally held hands and talked a little bit deeper.

i am falling for a single mom
it can happen to any mom.

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mssinglemama July 24, 2008 at 12:38 am

Max. This comment is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing! And yes, it can and does happen every day. You might need to read my blog though now that you’re really falling … we are tough nuts to crack but well worth it.

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Nick Stanham May 8, 2010 at 6:50 am

I have dated 4 single mothers, I have had no problems with the children, but found the actual Mothers themselves as selfish, controlling, users only interested in what you can do for them, not interested in a relationship at all. As a result I will not date single mothers anymore. It is not fair on the children, and although we stay in contact, It really hurts to have to leave them behind.

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littlevoice September 3, 2010 at 1:51 am

well blow me Mr Nicolas John Stanham just you hang on one cotton pickin moment there! lol I was gobsmacked to see you say a thing like that how very dare you! lol, I was always there for you even though my life was in turmoil with what my ex was doing with you no who, you know that! it saddens me to think you saw our relatioship that way, it was you who sent me notes telling me to leave then after you saw me crying for days come into the livingroom and smile at me saying I could stay! and dont forget all the nasty e-mails you sent while we were together I kept them all in a file until you saw them and trashed them lol, why would you say I was selfish? I did love you more than anything but I am ok now i am at last over you (sorry), all I needed was closure as I hadn’t really had that, you organised everything while I was in Rochdale. I had never had the chance to get over you, you were in my life long after the split, it was pretty tough there for a while, I think it was because you were the first guy to make a fuss of me, you now know what its like to be a puppet for the one who was supose to love you and how isolated you are because you can’t scream out they would hear you and punish you, i am sorry you had that with Racheal, I just know you where like a breath of fresh air to me in the begining and I never wanted it to end, but it did and yes I dont mind telling you I would have gone on loving you from the sidelines forever I think, but thats because I had forgotten what it was really like, it wasn’t your fault really you where ill, you couldn’t love me or anyone at that time we should have taken more time before the big move really it was like the more you tried to push me away the more I had to prove to you I wasn’t going anywhere, Its sad really, I always told you I would always be there for you, and I was that wasn’t the act of a selfish person.
I am sorry for the shock you must have had when I told you I still loved you lol I shocked myself i can tell you! infact its is very high up on my top 10 most cringing moments in my life list lol, I can see now its the thought of you I hung on to and what we had, there hasnt been any other full relationship since you, I tried a first date a couple of times but I couldn’t stop thinking about you but thats my fault not yours, I still smile fondly when I think of our first meeting how I kept saying sorry to you for smoking in front of you lol. it did me good to see you response to my pledge of undying love lol I can at last say it ok i don’t love you and I am now free of you, not in a bad way.
Try to remember the good times we had, they were the best of times to me, please don’t tarnish it with the selfish tag, I loved you wholeheartedly and honestly.
and you will always be a warm fussy glow in my life, which is a good thing and hey I introduced you to hot toddies remember if I was so bloody selfish as you say i was the brandy would have been locked up in my chamber! you wouldn’t have had a sniff of it! lol
we have been through the mill haven’t we, we are true survivors we are living proof that we can move on and fight another day, I wish you well and all good things you can cram into you netto shopping bag!, I’m glad I found you here, its amazing how domestic violence made me cross paths with you again, it was pretty spooky how much of our lives shared so much of the same, anyway I’m going now I was glad I could do this you can sack the bodyguards lol, take care matey and good luck Nick be happy! xx

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Nick Stanham November 22, 2010 at 1:28 pm

And the above comment from “little voice” proves my point entirely. Utter rubbish.

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Nick Stanham November 25, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Actually, I take back what I said about single mothers, (Not about Diane James aka littlevoice anyone that stalks you online for 7 years is just psycho) I have met the woman of my dreams, The problem isn’t single mothers, I was just meeting the wrong women who’s purpose in life is to leech off as many people as possible, I take back everything I have ever thought about them, If they’re called Diane James, Rachael Tucker or indeed Gayle Gardener then I would advise anyone to steer clear. Do what I did, take time-out for yourself, then when you’re ready, your true love will come to you.

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littlevoice December 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm

WOW! all those mental single mothers eh ! lmao 1 0r 2 maybe but 4 ( you missed jen remember the one who stubbed cigarettes out on you who’s name is crossed out on your upper arm, but I learned its really you who does that) now that is a little odd, I am not a stalker either just yet another way to get the woman of your dreams by making her feel sorry for you and want to look after you just like the rest of us past stalkery mentally ones, I hope you have at last found the woman of your dreams take your time finding out, I hope you mean it this time for her sake, I hope you dont get board and cruel like you have with us all, you have take parts of my past and used them as your own (you werent 15 you told me 21!) and thats all i am going to say on that. you have to start being honest with people Nick at times you where the bestest thing since sliced bread but when you hit rock bottom you know what your like, please please dont make the same mistakes again, no more stubbing cigarettes out on your arm, no more cruel letters, hold on to this one and look after her, all I have ever wanted was the very best for you, you can name me as bad or as a stalker but you know deep down I’m not either, you need to try harder and not let the relationship stagnate where you only see cruelty as a way out, just remember it was me who left you, be happy and stop this bad women crusade and please dont blame the children for your pitfalls, and for christ sake dont send all your love to a very tipsy ex girlfriend its not cool, be happy mate and let your partner be too I hope she never has to see the cruel side of you, good luck to you both.

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Nick December 22, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Wow, well ok, erm clearly you have the wrong Nick Stanham here.

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notnick thankgod November 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Nick looks the type that milks uses and abuses then acts the saint! also seems fixated on using single mothers and how nasty to name them on here! shows his true nature so beware is my advice. hope you get better soon nic you poor sod!

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Youre not fooling anyone November 28, 2010 at 11:21 am

I wouldn’t worry Nick, Clearly one of those that you “named & shamed”.

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Nick Stanham December 28, 2010 at 5:50 am

Yeah it’s Diane again, to be honest, I can’t be bothered any more, just proves my point, don’t you think?

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Nick Stanham November 28, 2010 at 11:09 am

Ha! how can you use a single mother? LMAO

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littlevoice February 19, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Awww Nick there you go again………geeezzee do I need to spell things out for you…..dont you ever listen……ok here goes now take note! I have only commented here using both my chat name and my real name, the other posts must be from the other women of your dreams lol I am not ashamed about anything I have done in my life, even the tiny bit I had with you, you can post anything you like, harp on about our epic two and a half years lmao, and act like i’m besotted with you, (just for the record i’m not), define stalking? to stalk you would mean I follow you, ring you camp outside your door send gifts sing to you in the street etc. It was you who contacted me! you asked to be added to my facebook and it was you who sent me photoes of your dog lmao, the only thing I have contacted you with was to help you with one of the other women of your dreams of the time, all the lies you tell will catchup with you like your rape lets chat about that shall we I WAS 15 you told me you were 21 I even went and told your parents for you for christ sake! you take a little bit of our (your women of your dreams) lives and claim it as your own so we/they seemed to have things in common with you, you even told me your girlfriend before me burned you with cigerettes! all lies you burned yourself in front of me!, (maybe your new woman of your dreams could have a chat with your mum so she can see who’s telling the truth? mmmm) this will be the last post I leave on here, anything else left on this blog will be one of your other dreamboats, but please anyone wanting to contact me regarding Nick good or bad please e-mail me at exhar@hotmail.com we could have lots to chat about. there is no shame in what we did we all thought we were women of his dreams at the time, (is the new woman of his dreams a sweatpea?)
sadly Nick you are blocked, ok so my last word to you Nick is….. try and be yourself this time try showing the real you, it will be the first time you’ve done that and you never know she might just like you, stop hiding behind us all and be a man…….. bye bye

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Nick Stanham February 20, 2011 at 4:58 pm

You really need help Diane, funny how your kids feel the same way about you. Perhaps you are the only perfect one in the world. But thanks for proving my point clearly.

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ed June 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Most guys will tell you that single mothers are not worth the time. However I’d say that any guy that says that is probably not worth your time.

One of the hardest parts for the guy is the constant communication with the father of the child. No matter haw logical it all seems it will drive men crazy to know that you are so much as talking to somebody you slept with before. This puts a toll on the relationship. We know you have feelings for the other guy, we know he is hot/sexy/insert word here for you to sleep with….. and then you go and talk to him. It’s devastating for our ego…which tells us to remove the other male from our lives.

For guys there are definite burdens to a mother with child which some may be willing to over come others will not.

Plus there is the single mother who is generally very very picky about whom their child has contact with and especially who is allowed to sleep under the same roof.

I’d say that the pickiness of the single mother along with the male fear of dating/getting involved with a single mother reduces the dating pool significantly and makes the dating thing very difficult for single mothers.

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Nick Stanham June 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I would disagree ed, I am certainly not against single mothers, we all are entitled to a past, It’s just the ones I have met are extremely selfish, lazy, and only interested in how much you can expand their income.
I know that all single parents are not like this as I am very good friends with many. Unfortunately I’m a lot more choosy nowadays.

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CHRIS September 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I’ve been dating a beautiful single mom with two beautiful girls whom I love to death! We’ve been together for 8 months now and everything seems really great. But I have an issue dealing with the fact of being the 2nd man in their lives. Sometimes my believes of having a family with kids whom are yours and not having some other guy in your life causes conflicts in my relationship. I really want to make this work. But dnt seem to find the answer yet. Idk if its the philosophy I have my believes of what a family should be etc. I am open for advices.

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Nick Stanham October 23, 2011 at 6:04 am

Hi Chris, you’ve hit the nail on the head with the reason why men don’t want to date single mothers. My advice sadly, is that it won’t get any better, it will only get worse. I was given that advice and wished I’d listened but I chose to stay.

I don’t know why relationships with single mothers end up with us males being the ‘doormat’ but it always seems to be the same. I guess you’re quite passive like me, and feel this is what you deserve. You deserve better, get your stuff together arrange to stay somewhere and never ever look back. Get yourself a nice single girl with no emotional baggage and live happily ever after.

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quiet observer January 28, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Another sign of a messed up society. If single because of death of spouse or a really bad marriage, that is understood. But a single mom by choice? That really sucks. I don’t EVER date a single mom, unless she is a widow, adoptive parent, or from an unfortunate divorce. The thought of having another man in my family is a big turn off.

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Nick Stanham February 12, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I would like to thank everyone who has sent me kind messages regarding the posts of littlevoice, through facebook etc. I hope it shows why men like me now longer date single mums.

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Mish July 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

I think that it is completely false that men will not date single women. I have had several men interested in dating me even though I have three children from a previous marriage. Perhaps if the father was an active part of their lives, things would be different. However, he lives in another country so I don’t have to worry about him interfering in our lives.

As for the comment of “expanding income.” I have NEVER asked for a man to pay for ANYTHING. From babysitters to movies to drinks at the bar – I have pretty much paid for myself most of the time. In fact, I have often been the one to pay for the man, too! The guy that I am now considering to dismiss completely is like that – I have fed him, given him back massages (after my own long day of work and children) and paid his way for him and HIS son on all kinds of things. What do I get in return? Mostly his nasty attitude. He is a real “drama king.” If his team loses, he grabs his baseball bat and puts a whole in the wall or his dresser. If I disagree with him, then he’ll call me names and tell me to “f*** off you f***ing drama queen b****…” and so forth. The guy started as a true catch and after a few short months turned into a nightmare. Even his own mother stated he has “a fire that burns a loooong time.” So, clearly it is not me but just the fact that he is mentally ill! It is no surprise that his ex-wife divorced him for another, kinder man and has custody of their son.

This leaves me to wonder… are there any decent, mentally balanced, self-supporting men left who aren’t just interested in what they can get from a woman already juggling children, work and life in general?

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erica July 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

hi there..

my name`s Erica. 24 years old. studying and working at the same time. i have a baby boy. been a years since me my ex separated. we`re not even married. i just hate why some men who are courting me stops to court whenever they learn that i got a son. i just don`t like and i hate how it affects me….

how would i deal with this…please any advice.

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erica July 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

and one thing more…my son is not with me. i just don`t really get it why men act like this. hurts me more if it`s the guy i think i`m starting to like.

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Singlestayathomemom August 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Before my daughter was born i decided to get in a relationship with a young man that choose after 3yrs to leave our family to pursue his own goals*get out because he couldn’t cope with the responsibility* (my childs father also young and absent),Neither worked in anyway or helped with my child. They both complained and (contemplated) through our whole relationship. We moved on, life got better for My daughter and I, She Is happy and healthy so am I. I find men are still interested in taking the steps to get to know me (their are good decent men that have been through life, that are understanding and less bigoted) I have no interest in making me and my child go through the hardship of a relationship again.. I Have learned with experience not to treat or avoid someone based solely on presumptions. @Erica I can only wish you the best of luck, Remember that there are many men out there, It will be some time until you can find someone that is willing and mature enough to develop a relationship with you. @Nick I truly hope in time you wont be so close minded or judging of single mothers. And i hope for the sake of your future relationships you can learn to compromise and be less self indulged and Stop feeling this self-pity, Its just never healthy to be so stricken. I will not forgive them but choose to let it go of the past And care about my daughter and I. The past is the past, Don’t let it affect your future.

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Nick August 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Actually I think you are judging me rather unfairly. I neither exercise self indulgence or self pity. I am just more wary of who I date. I accept responsibility for picking my ex’s but when you date a single parent and it ends, you lose everything. This includes a roof over your head. I took some advice from a close friend to timeout and realise what kind of person I wanted. Rather than the problem being they were single mothers, it was the type of person they are. So, if I met someone and they said “I have. a child” It wouldn’t be a problem. But I’ve learned a lesson, I’m far more careful and will not put myself in a situation like I have done. Rather than pass judgement yourself on me, would you go with someone like your exes? Of course not.

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Caleb August 28, 2012 at 12:29 am

Hello,

I realize the comments in this thread have been pretty scattered. But I am basically responding to the original intent of this post.

I recently changed jobs and started working at a local credit union. I work with a girl that I had met a few months prior at the gym. We just started hanging out together as friends, and knowing she was a single mom I had offered to help her remodel her bathroom. We have been consistently hanging out, and I have been spending most of our time with her and Korde, her 11 month old son.

I never pictured myself being in a relationship with a single mom. I always had the idea of meeting someone, getting married, having kids 3 or 4 years later and everything being the way people expect. But it hasn’t been until recently that I started realizing how much I not only care about Jessica, but about how much I’ve started to care about Korde.

I just love how he is with him, an I love how responsible she is and how good of a role model she is to other mothers. Even older and married mothers. I love how devoted she is to Korde and how hard she works for she and him. I’ve had such bad experience with immature girls in the past, and like the post says, I love that she knows what she wants. I have been in love efore, and i have loved someone very deeply and know what to expect from it. And I’ve definitely started falling for Jessica lately. She is just amazing, and I love te responsibility and privilege to take care of them and do why I can for them, even though she has never asked me once for any help. And her having Korde really is just icing on the cake for me.

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mssinglemama August 30, 2012 at 10:41 am

This is lovely. Thank you for sharing, Caleb!

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mell May 24, 2013 at 12:40 pm

Hi..Im a single mother.divorced 5 yrs ago.never have issue with raising kids and quite independent.i know i hv good attitude, good heart. But most time when i found someone i love, seems like their family can’t really accept me..i feel really down and sad.i keep thinking why can’t they accept me and my kids.i like to hv someone by my side and give the best as i can.but Im afraid to fall in love.it really really really hurt my feelings when they hv to leave me just becoz their parents can’t accept me..i feel so sad..and cry alot.i smile in the day..pretend like Im a strong woman.but no one knows that i cry every nite thinking about it..wish i can find someone who can accept me and my kids.and keep me smiling again..

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Leslie July 8, 2013 at 4:06 pm

Personally, I’m done with the dating scene. No offense, but its not worth it.

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david January 20, 2014 at 4:22 pm

Yea they do. who wants that I mean seriously.

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Kez October 9, 2014 at 10:47 pm

Nick stanham is one of those people you just don’t date. Anyone who bags out and blames their exs for everything that went wrong is a spineless coward, especially publicly doing so. He is not taking responsibility for his own mistakes in life but would rather blame and put down other people. Poor new girl he is with.

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