Is marriage out of style?

by mssinglemama on January 3, 2008

When I was a little girl I never daydreamed about the white picket fence and the husband. In fact my daydreams didn’t include a man at all, they definitely didn’t include children. Instead I envisioned myself as a young, successful woman living in a white condo on the top of a skyscraper in New York City. Oh, and I had a maid. Ha. Yeah right.

And then I kissed a boy. Then I had sex with a boy. It was all downhill from there. My career aspirations never changed but looking back I realize I shouldn’t have let men distract me so easily. They distracted me from moving to bigger cities, from studying harder … they distracted me from living my life. The most recent … a French-Canadian who swept me off of my feet and then needed a green card. Rather than lose him, I married him. We had love. We had marriage. And a baby in a baby carriage. And then – thank God – we had a divorce.

So now I’m single again. Dating for me, as for most single mothers, is now completely different. The men don’t have the same effect on me. They’re now secondary to my child, my career and myself. Being in love doesn’t even feel the same. There is, as Kate Hudson has said recently, something so adult about dating now. You can’t afford to make another mistake so you tread very carefully out there and ultimately are more vulnerable.

Like most other single women and mothers in this country I am now completely independent – marriage just seems a bit unnecessary. Why do we have to get married? What’s the rush?

Now that I am officially in love with an amazing man…I find that I’m not even thinking about marriage. I’m thinking about our compatibility – if he would make a good father. So the burning question – do I even want to get married again? I think at this point – the answer is – yes, but not anytime soon. And by soon I mean – not any time in the next five years…it could even be longer. And I’m not alone.

I stumbled upon this fantastic article in the New York Times featuring a new web site devoted to singles, There are now more single Americans, making up over 25% of our population, then there ever have been before. People who are single by choice or circumstance. Check out the website. It’s a treasure.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Arm Jerker J. January 9, 2008 at 8:53 pm

Holy crap: We had the same dream!

” Instead I envisioned myself as a young, successful woman living in a white condo on the top of a skyscraper in New York City. Oh, and I had a maid.”

You looked lovely by the way. One thing: I guess because I’ve never been married, I want to experience it. Is that wrong? You have written a very good piece here…


mssinglemama January 10, 2008 at 3:18 am

That’s crazy! I’m sure we’re not the only women who dreamt the same thing. Women’s goals are changing … hence the higher age rate for marriage. Now we can support ourselves, even raise children by ourselves.

And no, of course it’s not wrong to want to experience marriage. It’s an amazing thing – devoting yourself to someone entirely. I just don’t feel the rush to experience it again anytime soon. I’ll tell you what though – if I ever do get married again I’m going to do it on a desert island. Weddings are a pain in the ass. And this time around – I’ll marry the right man. : )


Gayle January 13, 2008 at 3:00 pm

I’m right there with you. I love men and the concept of marriage, I like dating and having a partner. However, I love myself, my kid, and our Life too much right now to , and I’m very hesitant to

When I was married, my co-workers and I bitched & vented about the same marital crap. We shared tips & tricks for playing spousal games. One guy even talked about leaving, but won’t. He prefers to keep the drama because it’s safe and normal. It was depressing and we all knew it…but it was our reality.

I’m divorced. I’m smiling. I have a life. I have better things to think about than how I’m going to play my husband today to avoid the fight. I’d rather be watching Sesame Street with my kid.


puppypaws February 16, 2008 at 1:19 am

I like your site. I ‘ve just started blogging, and i’d like get a link from my site so others can read your stories and links. Know how?


mssinglemama February 16, 2008 at 2:20 am

Hi Puppy Paws…yeah – definitely – depends on what service you’re using to blog. If it’s WordPress – you have a blogroll in your dashboard. Click it and then hit link … then type in my url … If you want to link in one of your articles when you’re writing a post highlight the sentence you want to link, then click the hyperlink icon – looks like a chain – then paste the url in.

What’s your blog address?? It’s not connected to your name…another thing you should do when posting comments so others can come to your site. Tks for reading and keep in touch!


Avi July 5, 2008 at 11:44 pm

Hey Ms Single Mama…what an interesting read your blog is. I’m a single dad, coping with raising my adorable 19 month old child and working at the same time in a stressful job. Nice to hear reassurance about not rushing into a new relationship. Despite all the pressures involved, I can probably call this period the happiest time of my life, after making such a big move to protect myself and my child from further damage by my troubled ex wife. Once bitten twice shy. Still, I’d like to think life would be better one day with a special person. When a relationship works, its better than being alone.


Ophelia Schlag October 18, 2013 at 12:32 am

My dream retirement involves traveling domestically and internationally to get the job done on environmental causes.


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Mayra Graddy October 23, 2013 at 5:57 pm

After I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any manner you can remove me from that service? Thanks!


Thaddeus Mceirath November 1, 2013 at 7:36 am

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