On sharing a child.

by mssinglemama on December 31, 2007

After nearly two years my son’s father has taken him for his 36 hours of visitation. (Usually he watches him at my place) Right now there’s a pit in my stomach. Not of fear. I know he will take care of him…he is after all a good father and he does love his son more than anything. It’s something else. This just isn’t natural. Sharing a child with an ex spouse. I’m a child sharing rookie, this being my first time with him out of my sight for over 24 hours.

My mix of emotions are as follows:

  • Wow…I have 36 hours to myself, I’m not working so that means just play…and it’s New Years Eve!
  • Where is he going? I don’t even know. I’ve never met my ex’s girlfriend. I’ve never seen their house. I’m just a little bit uncomfortable with this, but I do trust my ex.
  • Will he be okay without me? Yes. It might be hard around bedtime but he’ll have a fun day. He’s a happy, independent kid.
  • Will I be okay without him? Will I be able to have fun tonight? Or will I be worried sick?

I imagine since so many parents in this country have shared custody of their child that it does get easier….but what about the children? Do they ever really adjust to this? I don’t think people ever get married and have babies with the intention of splitting. I know I didn’t. It was a whirlwind, green card wedding but we were in love. I thought with every inch of my body that it would be forever. But my dream came crashing down around me when I realized that we were completely incompatible.

Well…I’ll keep you posted. I’m going to spend the day out and about with my best friend shopping. Then the evening out at a cocktail party and then dancing with my amazing boyfriend. This won’t be that bad…and Benjamin will get a serious dose of daddy time which has been well over due.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Sharon December 31, 2007 at 9:51 pm

It is interesting what you put and I feel for you. I do not know how your situation feels, but I can imagine it is rough. Please remember to write about how it goes.


Hanie December 31, 2007 at 10:34 pm

Well, all I can say is, have a blast of time! Benjamin will be ok with his dad I am sure. Maybe this is normal for a first time-out.

Happy New Year! H


mssinglemama January 1, 2008 at 4:44 am

Thanks so much! So far so good…all though I wore myself out with shopping. Now I’m going to try to sleep it off before the parties start! I’ll definitely keep everyone posted.


Woman With Kids January 4, 2008 at 7:13 am

I’ve been in your shoes… the first times without the kiddos are so hard, and it’s perfectly normal to feel both awful and happy. Everyone needs a break.

It used to help me to think of it as time to relax and refresh, so that I would be at my best when the boys came home. And I would shop.

It does get easier. The ex, his wife and I are friends, it’s easier to let the boys go. It will get easier over time.


Woman With Kids January 4, 2008 at 7:14 am

Um, same thing I said above, but I don’t think I put the right website in… Hopefully it’s not porn or anything!


Sparkle April 16, 2012 at 12:47 am

Yes, I also felt mixed feelings about letting my kids out of my sight for 24 hours or more. Not that I was worried about their safety (their dad seems to have now have been hit with symptoms of a real father ever since he got served), I was more concerned for them and about what they think of the back and forth (ages 10,4,2). Granted I have had them 85+ percent of the time over the past 6 months, and a break was definitely due, but you start to get your single parent routine down & BAM! Something changes and you wonder how the kids will be able to handle it. (LOL the worry is never ending)

Also yes, I was head over heels for this man until I started to catch on little by little after the infatuation stage disappeared, 3 babies later & 15 years that we were NOT compatible (and when you begin at 12 you probably can’t even spell compatible- enough said). By the time it really hit home there was so much damage done on both sides, irreparable. Best tip from me? Don’t sign up for a long term thing when you’ve barely hit puberty. This is in my humble opinion.


Victor February 4, 2015 at 7:20 am

You are already mesisng around with him you might as well see what can come of it. The best relationships are one where your boyfriend ends up being your best friend as well as your lover. So it might end up being something great. Give it a shot if you feelings for him.


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