His father wants to take him…I’m freaking out.

by mssinglemama on December 14, 2007

When I told my now ex-husband I was leaving him the first thing he argued about was the laptop computer. Then the video camera. Anything of monetary value. But, not once, not once did he fight for our son. I wanted him to. It got to the point that his complete apathy to the issue was actually a little shocking. Why wasn’t he worried about not seeing Benjamin? It’s been two years. Since then he has come only during his 36 hours of visitation. No more, no less. And he has always come to us – staying in our house. Because his living pattern since I left him has been as follows:

Our old apartment (evicted)

His new apartment (evicted)

His boss’ basement

His girlfriend’s place (with her 5 year old son, yes she’s a single mom)

Now that he’s been with his girlfriend for a while he has as he says, “a new family” and wants Benjamin to be a part of it. So…for the first time he want to take Benjamin during his 36 hours. Up until now he’s always stayed with us because of his scattered living pattern.

Here’s the thing – the reason why I’m totally freaked out about this. And, believe me, I always try not to be judgmental. But … here are the stats on his girlfriend.

She’s an ex-stripper.

She works at Taco Bell.

She lives in a trailer.

Her parents live behind the trailer.

Her brother lives behind theirs.

Before my Ex told her not to she used to smoke with her son in her lap!

Okay…am I crazy to want to at least see the place? Am I crazy to be freaking out about this? I haven’t spent 36 hours away from Benjamin since he was born. Not once. I don’t want to be away from him.

I know this will be great for him and for his father – for them to get some quality time together, but why does it have to be in a place I’ve never seen? I’ve asked the Ex if I can see the house – he says no. But…we’ve been talking about it and trying to work out a compromise. I just know that when he takes Benjamin there he’s going to miss me and miss being home.

I’m crossing my fingers that this won’t become a regular weekly thing. That he will just take him every once in a while. And perhaps the biggest concern is that his car is completely unreliable. It’s an $800 Chevy that’s already broken down several times.

Oh – and along with the news that the Ex has decided to take Benjamin on his days- he also told me he’s filed for bankruptcy and is therefore excused of all of the credit card debt he owes me. Wonderful.

Sorry this is a quick entry (again) I have been super, super busy. Expect many updates this weekend.

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ladonnamobile December 15, 2007 at 6:29 am

My sister’s husband only visited his children so sporadically that she got his parental rights taken away! In our state (check your state laws) if one year goes by without any “meaningful contact” a parent can lose their parental rights.

In the case of my sister’s ex, he had visited, but not interacted with the children. Witnesses to his visits (she enlisted non-family visitors to observe and testify in court) told how he just sat on the sofa watching television, so the judge declared his visits “unmeaningful” and he lost all right to visit the kids. The downside: once the court delcared him a non-parent, my sister lost all rights to child support; she didn’t mind because he never paid anyway.

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