I have decided that I absolutely hate play dates. Each one I’ve hosted or been too has been with women who aren’t really my friends, just acquaintances and now that I have three under my belt I’ve concluded to never attend one again. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say never, but I just don’t think I’m the play date kind of mommy. When I get together with my mommy friends we have a blast, what I’m referring to are legitimate “play dates” and oh, are they awful.
Why do moms set these up? Enlighten me. I actually tried to host a single mom playdate but the two moms were no shows. One wrote me an e-mail, this had all been arranged on Craigslist, saying she was too nervous to actually spend time with a stranger. At least she was honest. I was nervous too. At the two “play dates” I’ve hosted I felt like it was just a who’s the better mommy contest? And felt like it was kind of a test – is it about the mom’s getting along or the kids getting along? What is more important? So much pressure for one little date. I actually think it would be easier to go out on a blind date with a man than have a date with a mother who I’m not super close with.
What are good play dates like? I do enjoy these women’s company but it just felt awkward. Please give me some tips.
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I find the whole playdate thing completely painful. If you figure it out…let me know.
I know! Isn’t it awful??? So awkward. If you have to set up a playdate that in itself is just weird. I have another one this weekend, which I reluctantly agreed to… wish me luck!
You took the words right out of my mouth. I have noticed that if I agree to go on just one play date, the other parent has the expectation that I will go on playdates with them every single week, and then they feel let down if I say no just one time. Or they will ask me to call them the next time I plan on going to the park or the mall, and when I give them a call they say they can’t go, and I end up feeling stupid. It’s not that I think they need to structure their lives around me or anything, it’s just that I don’t like bugging people with unexpected phone calls for the purpose of random get- togethers. Also, it bugs me when
women call me at the last minute, as if I have nothing else going on in my life, just because I am a stay-at-home mom.
Also, why do women hover over their children with hand sanitizer and bottled water when they play at the park? Let’s your kids get dirty and if they need water they will ask for it, seriously. While I think play dates are important for children who are too young for pre-school, I think pre-school and elementary school is enough to satisfy a child’s social needs. I want my child to have a best friend, I just don’t want the best friend’s mother to end up being a judgemental thorn in my side because I am anti-playdate for the most part. Good luck to you.
Hi y’all, it’s the brave one again. Okay, so my last post didn’t really answer the question about what a good playdate is. Let prospect playdate mommy know what your child’s schedule is. For instance, if your son or daughter goes to Sunday school, let moms know which Sunday school your child goes to and invite their child to go with your child to Sunday school. If the family is of a different religious background, fine, you are off the hook. Try the YMCA approach
A good playdate for me is signing up my kid for those sports classes at the YMCA, they have swimming, ballet, soccer, gymnastics, basketball you name it. For non-members like myself, the classes cost $50.00. For YMCA members the classes are only $30.00. The classes generally are 8 weeks long, with once a week meetings that are only 45 minutes long. Short and sweet. The next time you get approached for a playdate, or vice versa, try arming yourself with a sports schedule from the YMCA. Tell prospect playdate mommy, that the YMCA is the only time your child can get together with their child, and let them know which class or classes your child is taking. Hand them a schedule and enrollment form. You will seem interested and un-aloof, even if you are actually one of those playdate hating mom’s like myself.
The Sunday School and YMCA methods are the best ways that I know of to avoid those last minute playdate requests that can leave us mom’s feeling emotionally drained and used. Be firm, but friendly about what what your schedule is. If you tell all the mom’s that your schedule is always open, you will most likely get those pesky unexpected last minute phone calls, and if it is on a day when you are not in the mood for a playdate, you will have to face the awkwardness of having to dream up some lame excuse for why you can’t go on a playdate that day.
Think positive and know that one day, you will come face to face with a mom who share’s your views on the frustrations of playdates. You guys could make a great team and possibly develop a lifelong friendship that is full of trust and understanding. I hope that happens to me.
Also, much love to the “hand sanitizer” moms. Sorry for generalizing. If you want to be over-protective that’s cool too.
Maybe I’m just jealous “cause my own mama didn’t chase me around with a little bottle Purell, but I know she loves me. Peace out. -The Brave One
God, have just been on agonising multi-mum coffee morning with no-one I was really friendly with. Third one in three weeks…. like nails on a blackboard. I always end up feeling completely bored and then spend the rest of the day trying to convince me that its not simply a negative reflection of myself. How long is it possible to spend talking about after-schools activities??
I found you site by me being upset about my Kindergartners play date. It is 3 months into the school year. I have called 3 or 4 parents because no one was calling my son. Now I decided to wait a month or so to see if anyone would call, nope. I can’t stand this. Is it a game? Like dating? I feel so sorry for my son who is always asking for playdates. Apparently some other kids ask him too. But their parents just don’t call. We have no kids on our block his age or relatives/cousins in the area. It just stinks. I signed him up for an activity after school 1 day a week. It just shouldn’t have to be.
ahh, what a relief, the yoke, the massive burden of guilt has been lifted after all these years…thank you…what is so charming, sweet, innocent, fun, exciting, child oriented, as having a mother walk into your home,…and the fun begins..china pattern evaluated, paintings/portraits calculated, ohhh the painstaking agony we go thru as mothers so our children can have a friend in the home…what is the purpose? Our child is happy, gets along everyone, …I agree with previously posted comments, I have been used as a babysitter, I have had to deal with hitters/verbally abusive kids,(which are the ones that are somehow getting the playdates)…I wish in so many ways we lived back in the good ol days when there were friendly good neighbors/kids our kids could just go outside and play with..or was that simply an illusion…
Playdates make me want to stick a fork in my eye. They turn cool women into mom zombies. Men would never put up with them unless there was beer and poker involved.
I get nervous every time I host a "first time" playdate. Will the child be comfortable. Will the mom be bored. I feel like I need to bake or at least p/u fresh fruit, sometimes even feed them dinner. I want everyone involved to have an enjoyable time. Being a Mommy isn't the most exciting thing in the world, even though I know it is worth it, and sure appreciate my mom's sacrifices. In all the playdates I have hosted (about 8 or 9 different families), there have only been 3 mom's that I would ever want to talk to again. They are the ones that are "real" about stuggles, worries, and day to day difficulties. The mom's you can actually laugh with about stuff. The others seem so perfect (Lord knows they are not), there is nothing to talk about.
It is like dating, "mom friendship dating" and it is exhausting. Of the 3 mom's I like, my fav's daughter is in another class this year and she has gone back to work part-time and is hosting 2 tlc groups through her church (she is super busy but still friendly). If we bump into each other she says we should get together and then gives me her impossible schedule.
The other Mom has a son who I adore, but he is extra work to have over. She had gone back to part time work also and I end up taking care of both our children.
The 3rd mom is the kindest person, but I am renting and she is in a beautiful $mill+ home and I am embarrassed to have her over. Our kids are not in the same grade this year, so I have not made any effort.
I am hosting a playdate on tues with two moms' and 2 girls I have never had over, but I have been to separate playdates at their houses and need to reciprocate before a year end slumber party at one of their houses. Judged or not, I am going to suck it up and make the best of it.
LOL!
i dont like play playdates
it weird going to someone elses house
there’s this mom && she keeps demanding for a playdate
i mean the kids already see enough of each other @ school
whats the need of seeing each other after school
it not like they really need a social life
come on thier only in elemantary school
i just find it aquare to send a child into someones home
i don’t know how these parents are like
its just not right
especially demanding a child to come over your house to play with your child
Words cannot describe how much I despise playdates! I don’t know which are worse, the irritating or boring as hell parents who come to your house and you just pray nonstop silently for them to leave, or the ones who just want free babysitting and drop their little out of control darlings off to wreak havock on your nerves for a couple of hours. I lie awake at night sometimes trying to think of new excuses to get out of them, as if life isn’t stressful enough. I thought the requests would die down once your kids are full time in school but they don’t!
Amen! I, too, hate playdates with a deep passion. It’s awkward, it’s uncomfortable, it’s weird. The few I’ve hosted have never turned out well. There’s really only one girl my daughter plays well with. Her mom is a friend of mine, but she is working part time this year and has a baby to care for. Most playdates turn out disastrous. My kids aren’t used to having other kids here. My daughter (7), who asks for playdates with particular kids in her class, always ends up unhappy for some reason or other. After her last one (where one of the Alpha girls from her class came over to our house) she said she just didn’t like it when her relaxing time was messed with. I agree that kids should have enough time to socialize at school, but it seems that the social groups and cliques are being formed outside of school, and if you’re not active in those groups outside of school, your child isn’t going to be included at school. It really sucks. Add to the mix that my kid is really bright, reading and writing at a much higher level than others in her cohort, and you really have problems. Recently, we’ve been reading Laura Ingalls Wilder’s “Little House in the Big Woods” to each other, and she pointed out that Laura and Mary had a grand old time playing just the two of them, and how it’s just like how she and her brother (5) have the best time playing just them two. My son, who has no “spectrum” issues whatsoever, is verbal, related, and has a rich imagination, is perfectly content playing alone, with me, or with his sister. He likes playing with other kids at school, but prefers playing with boys in the older pre-school class. The school psychologist tells me, on the one hand, that really bright children often have difficulty playing with other kids, but “encourages” me to get him more socially active beyond his school experiences. But isn’t that just putting the kid into more stress situations? When do kids ever get to relax any more?
I really don’t think the playdate thing is a necessity. I suspect it’s a nice system of mutual childcare and babysitting that’s been euphemized to be the key form of child socialization in the US. I also resent that it falls mainly on the moms to deal with the details of playdates.
My daughter is in a K-1 combo class. My daughter is a first grader who is friends with one of kindergarten students in the class. The kindergarten students only go to school for half a day (8 am -12 pm) Monday through Friday, while the first graders go to class from 8 am -2:20 pm Monday through Thursday, and a half day on Fridays.
The mother of the K student above keeps asking me to get her daughter and my daughter together Monday-Thursdays when I already told her that my daughter has homework and is tired and hungry after school on those days. I keep telling her that Fridays are best for me, but she keeps forgetting or she just wants her way.
Once a child is in the first grade, they spend 30 plus hours a week with their classmates, and I don’t see why playdates are needed during the nine months of school. I think that playdates should be reserved for the Summertime when boredom and loneliness sometimes take over from lack of school. I’m only anti-playdate from late August until June, after that I am more open-minded about these seemingly manufactured friendships.
You people sound a bit mean and cynical. I have a single child and playdates in the holidays are an essential for her. Having said that, if a parent asked for a playdate and you are not interested, for gods sake just say no. The parents will be fine with that and they will just organise something else. The worst thing you can do is not say no because you don’t want to be seen as being unfriendly and then cancel on the day with a weak excuse because the playdate is so extremely low on your priority list (I think that happened to me today). That is very annoying and very stressful.
i just had a playdate this morning at my house. its was uncomfortable, the two women were cheerful and happy and creepy………..i just need my son to have more social interaction but women are annoying! im an army wife from the bay area cali- and im not into what these other moms are into, -shopping, makeup and talking about having more babies!! population crisis people! ugh