Comments on: Why I am a single mother. http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/ Single Mom Dating, Love, and Life Advice Sat, 20 Mar 2010 23:48:20 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Keish http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-15566 Keish Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:53:48 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-15566 I just read your blog and it has brought me to tears, but for very different reasons. I read your story and feel so guilty because I chose differently. Like you, I was in a marraige with an emotionally unavailable yet emotionally abusive and manipulative man. I had two beautiful boys with him, and his contribution to their care was minimal at best, despite the fact that we were both working. When i could not take it anymore, I left. However, the mistake I made was leaving the boys with him. I did it because, at the time, I had no real support system. The time I spent living with family was fraught with pressure from them to go back to him. In addition to not really having anywhere to go with my kids, no car, and a child that was autistic, I felt surrounded on all sides. So I left the boys with him, a decision that I felt at the time was the best for them and would ensure their safety. This was compounded by his insistence that I leave the boys with him, since he did not really care what I did. I had nightmares of him chasing me and the boys with a 'cutlass' if i disobeyed his 'edict'. So I left them. And I regret that decision so much!!! I have been fighting to get them back through the courts, but not having my own space and very little family support, I have lost the case four (4) times!!! But I am continuing to fight and put my life in order in time for my divorce. They seem ok, but he continues to use them as a ransom to try to force me back home to him. So my tears are of regret, wishing that I was as brave as you were. I wish I took my boys with me and trusted that things would work out for me. Oh if I only knew better!!! :( I just read your blog and it has brought me to tears, but for very different reasons. I read your story and feel so guilty because I chose differently.
Like you, I was in a marraige with an emotionally unavailable yet emotionally abusive and manipulative man.
I had two beautiful boys with him, and his contribution to their care was minimal at best, despite the fact that we were both working.
When i could not take it anymore, I left. However, the mistake I made was leaving the boys with him.
I did it because, at the time, I had no real support system. The time I spent living with family was fraught with pressure from them to go back to him. In addition to not really having anywhere to go with my kids, no car, and a child that was autistic, I felt surrounded on all sides.
So I left the boys with him, a decision that I felt at the time was the best for them and would ensure their safety. This was compounded by his insistence that I leave the boys with him, since he did not really care what I did. I had nightmares of him chasing me and the boys with a ‘cutlass’ if i disobeyed his ‘edict’. So I left them.
And I regret that decision so much!!! I have been fighting to get them back through the courts, but not having my own space and very little family support, I have lost the case four (4) times!!!
But I am continuing to fight and put my life in order in time for my divorce. They seem ok, but he continues to use them as a ransom to try to force me back home to him.
So my tears are of regret, wishing that I was as brave as you were. I wish I took my boys with me and trusted that things would work out for me. Oh if I only knew better!!! :(

]]> By: Sherry http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-14733 Sherry Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:27:55 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-14733 I am very glad to find your site. I am going through the first year still. Its only been about three months, my daughter is getting ready to have her first christmas and I cant wait still it is hard to watch comercials of families happy togther. I know what I did was right, telling him he had to go, our house was like yours and I knew for her to grow up happy and healthy her parents couldnt be togther. Thank you for showing me that one can make it through this, you are a great source of encouragement. I am very glad to find your site. I am going through the first year still. Its only been about three months, my daughter is getting ready to have her first christmas and I cant wait still it is hard to watch comercials of families happy togther. I know what I did was right, telling him he had to go, our house was like yours and I knew for her to grow up happy and healthy her parents couldnt be togther. Thank you for showing me that one can make it through this, you are a great source of encouragement.

]]> By: The hero deadbeat? http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-14381 The hero deadbeat? Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:51:52 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-14381 [...] Her mother left her father after a fight. I can relate to that one and it wasn’t pretty. [...] [...] Her mother left her father after a fight. I can relate to that one and it wasn’t pretty. [...]

]]> By: pat http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-12240 pat Sun, 23 Aug 2009 16:59:18 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-12240 If you feel this way?....why are you reading this blog? If you feel this way?….why are you reading this blog?

]]> By: Mrs. Realife http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-11540 Mrs. Realife Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:32:59 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-11540 Clearly I'm reading this nearly 2 years later... but I couldn't be more proud of the bravery you stood in to get out and protect your son -- I'm a domestic violence counselor and I want to tell women about you and your incredible story!! Clearly I’m reading this nearly 2 years later… but I couldn’t be more proud of the bravery you stood in to get out and protect your son —

I’m a domestic violence counselor and I want to tell women about you and your incredible story!!

]]> By: desiree fawn http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-11295 desiree fawn Tue, 21 Jul 2009 23:30:21 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-11295 I just found your blog and read your story -- you are such a strong woman to take yourself out of that situation. You absolutely did the right thing and though I don't know you -- I'm proud of you. I watched my mother in abusive relationships my entire childhood and it gave me a bad image of men which I've struggled with my entire life. I have thankfully found a loving man and loving father for myself and our daughter and I hope I can always say that. I'm very happy to have found your blog and I can't wait to read on! I just found your blog and read your story — you are such a strong woman to take yourself out of that situation. You absolutely did the right thing and though I don’t know you — I’m proud of you.
I watched my mother in abusive relationships my entire childhood and it gave me a bad image of men which I’ve struggled with my entire life.
I have thankfully found a loving man and loving father for myself and our daughter and I hope I can always say that.
I’m very happy to have found your blog and I can’t wait to read on!

]]> By: logicalspeaking http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-10577 logicalspeaking Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:17:44 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-10577 This is what happens when you CHOOSE to date bad boy types. I wonder how many good men you ladies turn down to date these "challenging" men. This is what happens when you CHOOSE to date bad boy types. I wonder how many good men you ladies turn down to date these "challenging" men.

]]> By: just me http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-9747 just me Tue, 26 May 2009 18:44:58 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-9747 my marriage is pretty crappy right now and has been since day 1. heck we even fought while on the honeymoon. i'm stuck. plan to leave as soon as i finish grad school which is 1.5 yrs away still - seems like an eternity. you are inspiration for me. my marriage is pretty crappy right now and has been since day 1. heck we even fought while on the honeymoon. i'm stuck. plan to leave as soon as i finish grad school which is 1.5 yrs away still – seems like an eternity. you are inspiration for me.

]]> By: Susan http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-9548 Susan Wed, 20 May 2009 02:00:38 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-9548 You are courageous woman and a wonderful mother. You put your baby first and knew that your life and your child's could not be happy in the current situation. I was a single mother too when I was much younger and it was terribly difficult, but necessary if I was going to find happiness for myself and my children. And - I did. You will too. You are an inspiration to woman everywhere who are facing the same challenges and crises. Thank you for sharing your story. Susan Over at "<a href="http://raisintoast.typepad.com" target="_blank">RaisinToast</a>" You are courageous woman and a wonderful mother. You put your baby first and knew that your life and your child's could not be happy in the current situation.

I was a single mother too when I was much younger and it was terribly difficult, but necessary if I was going to find happiness for myself and my children. And – I did. You will too. You are an inspiration to woman everywhere who are facing the same challenges and crises. Thank you for sharing your story.

Susan
Over at "RaisinToast"

]]> By: Jenn http://mssinglemama.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-8955 Jenn Sat, 25 Apr 2009 16:09:24 +0000 http://mssinglemama.wordpress.com/2007/12/02/why-i-am-a-single-mother/#comment-8955 I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years before I decided to leave (for the last time). I have been a single mom for a year and half and becoming pretty good at it. The books "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft and "Codependant No More" by Melody Beattie became my bibles throughout leaving, divorce and even at times now. I believe we are such strong women to choose the well being of ourselves and our babies over the false security of a loveless marriage. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years before I decided to leave (for the last time). I have been a single mom for a year and half and becoming pretty good at it. The books "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft and "Codependant No More" by Melody Beattie became my bibles throughout leaving, divorce and even at times now. I believe we are such strong women to choose the well being of ourselves and our babies over the false security of a loveless marriage.

]]>