Comments on: Dating a Single Mom, Part 1

By: Mike

Mike — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 07:15:12 +0000

I just wanted to say thank you for your blog!
After a bad relationship of 4 years I have gotten back in contact with an old friend from high school, it has been 10 years since we have spoken and we used to get along so well but somewhere along the line lost contact.
This friend now has two gorgeous boys of two and six, they are just like their mummy. She is now single and has also been through a bad relationship.
At this stage we are just good friends, we have so much in common and have a great time with eachother. I am trying to take things slowly because there are children involved, but… I really have fallen for this loverly lady and love her kids also I definitely don’t see her children as baggage, quite the opposite actually.
I am 30 and have wanted children for a few years now so her kids are a refreshing change to my life, they are great kids and I love spending time with them.
What I’ve taken from your blog is to be myself and really, just be a decent man… If I do this and nothing develops beyond a friendship I can still come out of it with the best friend I’ve ever had.

Thank you!
Mike

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By: Margie

Margie — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 03:41:31 +0000

A really good answer, full of raintoality!

By: Elisa Knight

Elisa Knight — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:05:15 +0000

I just have to say that it’s very difficult for single mom’s but what about the one’s like me? My husband passed away and I’m raising a 16 yr old. boy and a 10 month old baby girl. I’m a widow doing this on my own and I’m only 41 yrs. old. I appreciate my life and all that I have but I’ve found this dating thing hard. Especially when I see so much negativity in men. I realize my life is a gift and want to say please have some understanding and empathy. Life can be hard but it’s what you do with it that makes it all worth while!

By: David

David — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:15:42 +0000

The only problem I have with single moms is that MOST of the time, the father of the children is around! They want to see their children, or have joint custody. They might still be battling legally, etc. It’s a nightmare. They don’t like you being “dad” around their kids, etc. You want to knock him out, but that can possibly cause her to loose custody of the kids, and not doing anything about it raises your blood pressure. I’d rather he just pay child support!

I’ve seen a lot of my friends and cousins who have single mothers bring in a new boyfriend every 6 months- a year or so. My fear is being “that step dad” and never the “dad”.

I’ve dated a single mom, and she was wonderful, but I didn’t want to deal with the problems and challenges. Just about all of the problems were with the father of the child. He didn’t like me being “dad” to his kid. Her family only wanted him to come to the family get together. Not because they didn’t like me, but because his family was there too, and we don’t like each other… What a nightmare. Thinking I would have to deal with this problem for another 18 or more years is enough to make me go crazy. I’m sure problems and challenges were more specific to the woman I dated, but for now, I’m holding off on single moms. Hopefully I can find one without the baby daddy in the picture! Just stick to paying child support.

By: Dwayne

Dwayne — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 18:54:08 +0000

There is some great advice and perspective here. I recently reconnected with an old sweetheart who is also a single mom. Thanks to the insight here I know I have to be patient. She isnt blowing me off, I know that now. I have to be patient because I am completely in love with her. It just hurts that I cant see her as often as I would selfishly like to. I know in time she is worth it-thanks

By: Lucy McBees

Lucy McBees — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 18:51:27 +0000

It seems to be very very valueable and I love it. Great community. I find great resource of the info thank you mom.

By: smartmamma

smartmamma — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 02:02:57 +0000

Wow! Guys guys guys… Please go back and reread the original post! At no point does mssinglemama say that single moms are better than single non-moms! Nor does she say that 100% of single moms are awesome. Unfortunately, there are messed up single moms just like there are messed up single non-moms.

What disturbed me most about some of the responses to this post (no need to call anyone out… You know who you are) were these 2 points:

1. Several of you commented about having to bend to the single moms will, having to give up your wants, desires, etc. to conform to what she wants. Where did the original post say that? A relationship with a single mom is still a relationship. Both parties still need to make sacrifices. We know that. We expect nothing less. Please understand something… We are juggling every moment of every day. That’s not a complaint, its a fact. We are expert jugglers out of necessity. For example, I am a completely solo parent, no father in the picture. I work insane hours to support my dd, then come home and try to squeeze as much time in with her as possible before she goes to bed, then I get me time. I tell you this only to give an example of the logistics involved in going out on a date. I can’t bring her with me on a date… That’s not fair to her or you. I can’t just conjure up a sitter, they have lives and schedules too. We aren’t on a power or control trip, we are on a tight schedule with very real scheduling challenges! We don’t want you to give up your selves, we just want you to understand why we seem so hard to schedule a date with.

2. This point is the most important… This post is intended to be hints and tips for men who WANT TO DATE A SINGLE MOM! If that’s not you, ok. Skip the post and move on. I don’t want to date bodybuilders or men who have young children of their own (ironic, huh?). So I don’t read articles about how to date those types of men, and if I ever did I would certainly not comment on how self-centered or annoying I thought they were. To each his own. Single moms do not want to date men who see our kids as a liability. It would never work. So if you don’t want a relationship with a single mom, please… Don’t pursue one. And please… Don’t take mssinglemama’s post as anything other than advice for those men who do want a single mom in their lives.

Oh and ps… If you need to be in control, you really shouldn’t be dating. That goes for guys, girls, parents, childless… Everyone!