Dating a Single Mom, Part 1

by mssinglemama on November 15, 2007

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Hi guys. So you’re dating a single mom? I don’t blame you. You’ve found a woman who has been put to one of life’s hardest tests – on her own – and survived. Single mothers are amazing.

But, she’s created a life for her and her little ones and letting anyone in could be risky. If you want in, you’ve got to be patient, understanding and respectful.

You may be feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m hoping these tips will help you out. But first, let me preface it with this…

One guy dating my best single mom friend, Abby, told me, “someone needs to write a book about dating a single mom.” I shook my head, “no, someone needs to write a book about dating Abby.” With or without her daughter, Abby is Abby and she’s a firecracker.

My point… Yes, we are single moms. But kids or no kids, we are still the same people. We still have the same communication issues, the same baggage, the same heart aches, the same dreams, the same goals, the same desires.

With that in mind here are some single mom dating tips for the guys. Moms, check out my single mom dating tips here.

  1. Be patient. She may seem rough around the edges – that’s her finely tuned defense mechanism. Don’t worry, in time, that tough cookie will crack and you’ll discover a well of the most rewarding love you’ve ever imagined. But until she can completely trust you – hang on for the ride.
  2. No experience with kids? Who cares. We’re all big kids inside. Were you ever a kid? So you do have some experience! Don’t be afraid to get down on your hands and knees and run around with her little ones. Experience or not. If you love her, loving her kids will come naturally. Just because she’s a single mom doesn’t mean she’s looking for Mr. Super Dad. She’s looking for someone who has the ability to completely and totally love her children.
  3. She’s testing you. Yes, she’s testing you. She has to. Think about it. Would you want to date a single mom who didn’t have high expectations for who she let’s into her child’s life? Don’t stress out about the tests. Chances are you won’t even notice them. Just be yourself and you’ll pass. The most important thing is to try to understand why she needs to test you. Understand it, respect it and once again, be patient.
  4. If she hasn’t introduced you to her kids… don’t pressure her and don’t think it means she’s not serious about the relationship. This is not about you. She’s doing what she has to do to protect her family. Once again, understand it, respect it and be patient. Your reaction to these obstacles and your patience will mean everything to her.
  5. Don’t play games. Single moms don’t have time to play games. If you wait three days to call her play any other dating games she’ll lose patience and probably drop you before you have a chance to hurt her.
  6. If you aren’t into her – tell her right away. If you don’t have serious intentions or if you don’t think there’s a chance in hell you would ever “settle down” with her than for god’s sake – tell her. You never know, she might be totally up for a casual relationship too. If not, at least you weren’t messing with a single mom, that’s just wrong.
  7. Treat her like a princess. This applies to dating all women, moms or not. Just didn’t want you to forget it.
  8. Talk to her about her kids. Ask her how they’re doing. Ask how she’s doing. And listen to her answers.
  9. If you’re a control freak…you might want to move on. You’re dating a single mom. She’s in control and you might just have to follow her lead for a while before she relinquishes any.
  10. If you really want to be with her… prove your worth. Not with money, although money is always nice to have. But with actions. What do you bring to the table? These are questions and tests you usually don’t have to ask yourself when dating single, childless women. But with a single mom, life is happening – right now. How will you handle it? Can you clean? Can you cook? No? You better learn or at least try.
  11. Make her life easier. Single moms don’t like asking for help. Take the initiative. Make her life easier. Maybe it’s making her smile, hugging her, taking out her garbage or bringing over some treats for the kids. Bottom line – if you’re making her life easier you’re in.

What you’ll get in return…you get the girl. And what an amazing girl she is. Good luck!

Here are more tips on How to Date a Single Mom:

Single Mom Dating, Part 2

Single Mom Dating, Part 3

Single Mom Dating, Part 4

[Photo credit: PlanetPersonals.com]

Related posts:

  1. Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1
  2. The Single Mom Dating Conundrum.
  3. E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater
  4. When Do You Tell Him You’re a Single Mom?
  5. MySpace, Facebook and Dating in a Virtual World.

{ 20 trackbacks }

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To my readers: « Ms. Single Mama
February 24, 2008 at 1:45 am
Single moms and the men who love us. « Ms. Single Mama
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Date night. « Ms. Single Mama
March 17, 2008 at 3:53 am
Man up fellas…why? Because you’re the man, damn it. « Ms. Single Mama
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Single Mama Signing Off (for a few days) « Ms. Single Mama
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How to Date a Single Mom, Part 3. « Ms. Single Mama
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How to date a single mom, part 4 | Ms. Single Mama
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How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2 | Ms. Single Mama
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Date Night with a Single Mom | Ms. Single Mama
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Loovya » Blog Archive » How to Date a Single Mom
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How to Date a Single Mom, Part 4 « Ms. Single Mama
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How to Date a Single Mom, Part 2 « Ms. Single Mama
September 4, 2008 at 9:28 am
Cabin Fever, Part 3
September 22, 2008 at 8:31 pm
…on dating a single mom « Pickles & Pedicures
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Single Mom Manifesto
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