E-Harmony’s Matches are Dead Wrong

by mssinglemama on November 13, 2007

I’ve been an online dating “lurker” since my divorce. I joined eHarmony on last year’s very depressing Valentine’s Day.

I was still living at my mom’s house which is out in the woods. There were no men in sight except for the biker across the street.

I took the eHarmony personality test. Be careful with this, because once you take it – you never get another chance. Make sure you’re awake, relatively chipper and feeling completely open and honest with yourself.

After the test eHarmony served up my first seven matches. I was excited – “Look, an inbox full of men! Just for me!” But I couldn’t see the photos. They wanted my money. But at the time it wasn’t in the budget – at all – so I started sifting through the descriptions.

One guy actually sneaked his e-mail into his profile, “EHarmony is expensive,” he wrote, “E-mail me at dude@dude.com.” Yay! A guy who likes to beat the system. I like that so I sent him a lonely Valentine’s Day e-mail. Days later there’s still no response. I had even attached a picture. Hmmmm. I forget about it and try to stomach my first virtual rejection. It stings a little.

Three months later I get a response, “Hi, this is Carlise, Dan’s friend. I am checking his e-mail because he actually died in a car accident last October.”

My heart cries for Dan for a moment and then my sympathy for he and his family is replaced wtih anger at eHarmony. How could they do that? Then it hits me. The “matches” on eHarmony are not paying members. Many just popped in, took the personality test, and then never returned – or even worse – died.

I still became a paying member. I’m was too tempted by all of those new “matches” they e-mail you every morning. So after I spent over $100 to activate my account I was like a kid at a candy store – hurrying to scope out every man’s photograph.

I didn’t think one of them was cute. I e-mail a few any way but never got responses – because they’re probably inactive accounts. I e-mailed eHarmony asking for a refund. They told me my matching preferences weren’t broad enough, that I should be open to dating people of all ages from all over the world.

After receiving over 155 matches, only one led to a lunch date, and that was a complete failure.

Bottom line: don’t waste your money on eHarmony.

My friend Abby, my bestest single mom friend, had three very interesting and very good looking dates from Yahoo Personals last week.

The reason Yahoo and Match are better online dating sites than eHarmony:

1. They’re inexpensive.

2. You can see rough dates of when matches last logged in (although both sites should improve this feature).

3. You can control your searches, don’t let a computer match you - especially if 80% of those matches aren’t even active on the site.

See my other online dating entries for more background on this and some very important online dating tips.

Related posts:

  1. Are all of the good men taken? And if they’re not…what’s wrong with them?
  2. E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater
  3. Online Dating: Rules of Thumb
  4. Online Dating Etiquette: How to break up…virtually.

{ 4 trackbacks }

How to escape a bad date. « Ms. Single Mama
February 14, 2008 at 3:41 am
Hello Russians… « Ms. Single Mama
July 25, 2008 at 9:14 am
E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater « Ms. Single Mama
August 14, 2008 at 6:31 pm
How to Date Online (for the single parent).
September 18, 2008 at 8:47 pm

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Jensen November 22, 2007 at 2:17 am

I found a survey that gives a lot of the same details you mentioned. You should check it out, I thought it was fascinating.



boomerzhx55 January 21, 2008 at 9:32 am

I dislike eharmony too! Im a baby boomer, I chose a niche dating site called http://meetwealthyboomer.com which caters to my age group.


boomerzhx55 January 21, 2008 at 9:34 am

BTW, yahoo personal is not a bad website. I like it. I make lots of friends there.


Ray January 29, 2008 at 3:10 am

You seem like a nice woman and you deserve better, but I am responding mainly because I HATE EHARMONY.
Indeed, eharmony does truly suck. I spent THREE NIGHTS SOLID filling out their voluminous questionaires and when I got thru. I finally finished it in ***great anticipation*** of the lovely person I would meet that would end my loneliness.
In one paragraph they said they could not match me. This is in spite of the fact that I have good kids; they and my large extended family love me and each other and we have all lived generally wholesome middle class lives. (the kids are now adults)
So, does it mean there is no one else in their “great” database that comes even close, or that their matching method stinks?
Or is it that I am a *REALLY* twisted person … probably weirder than ozzy osborne and his fine family. Thank you so very much e-disharmony.


Crazy Computer Dad February 1, 2008 at 3:53 pm

I had the same experience. I gave up on online dating altogether. :-) People always say you meet people doing things you like to do, so I found meetin.org and meetup.com and just started doing things I like to do. I meet a lot of great people and I’m always having a good time. These are not dating sites, just group activity type sites. I’ve been dating a great woman for 7 months now, and hey, she likes most of the same things I like,, go figure, because we met doing those things.


puppypaws February 16, 2008 at 1:26 am

You think you wasted your money. Hey I paid 2,000 to get hooked up with a married man through Lifemates.
I cry with you sister.


mssinglemama February 20, 2008 at 12:50 am

Holy Sh*t!!!!! 2K! and you didn’t get your money back?


Celene February 22, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Thank you Crazy Computer Dad for your comments, I will follow your instructions about meeting.org and meetup.com

Indeed is too hard to live alone, I am widow, my daughters have his own lifes.(31 and 29) And I would like to trust again.

If someone wants to write me, I have 57 years old, I would like to have friends, I feel soo lonely. my e mail is celene535@hotmail.com


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Wealthy and traveling anywhere and whenever I want with my doggie, plus helping get dogs fixed, and those that need homes, and organizations that do thus and such.


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Linda February 4, 2015 at 7:35 am

Hey Will,thanks for sharing I hadn’t known about your parosnel life before. You forgot to mention in your original comment that your wife is 8 years younger. It really does seem like age is the lesser of all evils. I think it speaks volumes to your character to have such positive things to say about your first partner, in terms of recognizing what you learned, the preparation and sense of gratitude, even though you are no longer together. I hope to find the type of relationship you describe, or moreso have it find me, granted it does take work to maintain.


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