Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 1

by mssinglemama on November 3, 2007

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
Tonight when I called Ex to check on his car situation he said, “I miss Benjamin so much. I’ve never gone this long without seeing him.”

And I know he meant it. He does love Benjamin but he just happens to be horrible at managing his finances, communicating and just taking care of his own life in general.

Just wanted to give him credit for missing his son and being man enough to admit it. He found a new engine for his car…so he might be back in the next few weeks. Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll be taking Benjamin down his way for a visit.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
Tonight when I called Ex to check on his car situation he said, “I miss Benjamin so much. I’ve never gone this long without seeing him.”

And I know he meant it. He does love Benjamin but he just happens to be horrible at managing his finances, communicating and just taking care of his own life in general.

Just wanted to give him credit for missing his son and being man enough to admit it. He found a new engine for his car…so he might be back in the next few weeks. Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll be taking Benjamin down his way for a visit.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg
Was just inspired by Clark, and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
Tonight when I called Ex to check on his car situation he said, “I miss Benjamin so much. I’ve never gone this long without seeing him.”

And I know he meant it. He does love Benjamin but he just happens to be horrible at managing his finances, communicating and just taking care of his own life in general.

Just wanted to give him credit for missing his son and being man enough to admit it. He found a new engine for his car…so he might be back in the next few weeks. Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll be taking Benjamin down his way for a visit.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
I’ve been out and about in the single mom dating world for over a year now. I’ve had ups, downs and the spins! Here are a few of the tips I feel compelled to pass on.

And make sure you check out Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2.

  • Date him – ONLY – if you are truly happier. Remember you and your child/ren can be completely content and happy without a man in your life. If a man wants in – he has to earn it.
  • Watch for red flags: lack of goals, laziness, fakeness, cockiness, selfishness or the inability to make you laugh. Everyone has their own set of red flags. Listen to yours.
  • Learn to differentiate between red flags and that nice little “push him away” reflex you’ve developed now that you have a child. Don’t make a big deal out of nothing. Learn to recognize when you are starting to test him. I’ve noticed recently that part of me is wired now to test the men I’m dating. I set them up with baited questions and they either pass or they fail. The test comes in handy but is sometimes unnecessary.
  • Don’t freak him out. Give him his own space to figure out your reality. Make sure he knows you understand this is a lot for him to take in. If he says, “oh, it’s no big deal, a baby can’t be that bad.” Just count to ten and smile. Let the little things go, the big things will follow in their own time.
  • He will not instantly understand your life or be able to empathize with your situation. That would be impossible. Be rational about it and watch for signs of him trying to understand. Is he really watching? Is he really listening?
  • If he’s not calling you frequently or not making future dates – ditch him immediately. You don’t have time for rif raf.
  • Try to resist putting a time line on anything. For ex: “I’ll give him two more months to change.” Not a good idea. People grow and change on their own terms and on their own time. You don’t know his pace, and he doesn’t know yours. Just watch for little signs of improvement on his goals and your goals as a couple.
  • Men are the same. We have just changed. Sometimes this one hits me like a slap in the face. They’re still completely able to fall madly in love with you, commit to you or they’re able to hurt you without even knowing it.
  • It will get easier. I’ve been a single dating mom for 15 months. Each round gets easier. Each one gets better. As long as you’re making improvements on choosing men, that’s progress! And it will get easier to quickly spot the frogs from the princes.
  • Keep yourself out there. Don’t try once or twice and give up. You are shopping. Don’t tell me you would never go shoe shopping again if you bought a few uncomfortable pairs.

Like I said to the man in my life last night, “Benjamin and I have a pretty good life here and anyone who wants to crash the party has to be up to snuff.” His answer, “I completely understand.” He doesn’t really understand but he is trying. Definitely a good sign.

Good luck single mamas! This stuff isn’t easy.

Want more? Check out Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2

{ 11 trackbacks }

When Do You Tell Him You’re a Single Mom? « Ms. Single Mama
November 6, 2007 at 6:49 pm
Tips on how to date a single mom (for the guys). « Ms. Single Mama
November 15, 2007 at 10:00 pm
One side effect of being a dating single mama…my baby is trying to make out with me. « Ms. Single Mama
December 6, 2007 at 9:36 am
To find a prince you might have to kiss a lot of frogs. « Ms. Single Mama
December 15, 2007 at 7:45 am
Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2 « Ms. Single Mama
February 16, 2008 at 7:22 pm
To my readers: « Ms. Single Mama
February 24, 2008 at 1:45 am
Oh me, oh my. The sparks are flying. « Ms. Single Mama
June 18, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Single Mom Dating Tips, Part 2 | Ms. Single Mama
August 12, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Single Mom S.O.S.: Body Check
September 4, 2008 at 7:58 pm
The First Date
February 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Single Mom Dating Tips
March 12, 2010 at 11:48 am

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

mssinglemama November 3, 2007 at 5:57 pm

You’ve recognized one of the conundrums for single moms who are dating – we often don’t have the time to “give” as much as single women without children. It’s why when you do find the “right” man for you and your children it should be effortless. As effortless as possible. Dating with a child is one of the most stressful things a woman can take on. So it’s why I find that the “good ones” are willing to give a bit more than they receive. Making our lives easier, not harder. I guess I’m an old-fashioned girl at heart. And with that point, we will just have to agree to disagree and wait and see about those cats. : )

Reply

jonolan November 3, 2007 at 6:14 pm

yep, that’s the way it going to have to be – wait and see. Good luck though! I actually do have an idea of how hard it is.

Reply

Jenn November 10, 2007 at 6:20 am

Yep, either he picks up the garbage cans blown over in your drive, or he doesn’t.

Then when he does, either he drops you off at the door when it’s pouring, or he doesn’t.

Then when he does, either he loves you or he doesn’t.

And how could he, when you never even gave him the chance to know you?

So many tests we have, us single moms. Damn, life was easier back in the day, and not just cause part of the tuition budget was beer money.

Reply

notfrommars November 15, 2007 at 10:51 pm

Reading this it has some good information and some bad information in my opinion. First, you’ve got a contradiction: “give him his own space” yet “if he’s not calling you frequently…ditch him.” Wow, which is it?

As a single father I understand just how hard it is to date with children, and even single men understand that not all of your time is your own, but you also have to understand that choosing to date a single mom is a large commitment for us as well. It’s not just about you. We’re signing up for something larger than regular dating as well. So, if we’re not calling, we may be evaluating our commitment or maybe we need to take a breath. You write as if you’re on some kind of timeline, even though you say don’t create one. Day in and out, you might not have enough hours to devote to dating, but if I need a few days to think about things or to make sure that I’m doing what’s good for both of us, don’t I deserve that as well? This evaluation doesn’t make me riff raff, it makes me responsible knowing that more than just our feelings are at stake.

Also, men are not the same, and neither is love. We’re snowflakes (not just flakes). We’re all different, handle things differently, think differently, so how we handle our relationship won’t be the same as how the last guy you were with handled it.

And, in your evaluation of me, it’s much better if you are direct. I understand that I’m being interviewed for more than just a boyfriend position. These little tests you create secretly suck and make me feel untrusted and belittled. If you want respect, give it and tell me what you’re thinking, what doubts you have about me. Give me the chance to be honest and fair instead of setting me up for a pop quiz where I may not be looking and fail by default.

But, do keep yourself out there. Someone’s going to love you unconditionally if they can see enough of who you truly are.

And it will get easier as you realize what it is you’re really looking for, and how to screen out those of us you’re not looking for before you get too far down the road.

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mssinglemama November 22, 2007 at 4:11 am

I think you’re absolutely right, Not From Mars. You raise some really good points…I guess it would sound like I’m contradicting myself a bit. But, what I mean by give him his own space – is give him his on mental space to take in your reality. To not overwhelm him at the beginning. And to not expect too much of him at the beginning. Mental head space in my mind is different from a man who just isn’t calling often or making future dates. These men are a bit worrisome because I tend to doubt their intentions. As a single mother, with full custody of my son, I don’t have time for men who aren’t “chasing” me. I don’t like to be chasing someone, it stresses me out and I just don’t have the mental energy or time for it. I don’t know a single mother who does. And yes, all men are different. Sorry to sound a bit belittling with this post – just trying to make some short, brief and valid points. Could probably write a novel on each one of them! Thanks for your comment.

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jokerza January 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Okay lets get this straight. You dont have time for someone who does not chase you, and you will not chase them. A relationship should be mutual. There should not be a giver and a taker. It sounds to me that you are still bitter and that its your way or the highway and nine times out of ten the men will take the highway. Not because you have a child, but its because you want them to invest their heart and soul in you and understand your situation, when you will not acknowledge their situation and the huge shoes you expect them to fill. Your kids are priority number one yes, and any man who questions that is mad, but the true question are; how do you see this new man? (threat or commitment); will you be committed to him as much as you expect him to be committed to you? Will your past experience with men affect this new relationship? ( Often woman want the kind caring loving man, but when he presents himself, she is so hurt and affected by past relationships that she is to scared to invest or take the leap of faith. The men can sense this and either invest less or walk away) And will he be a priority or a distraction?

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Duru April 1, 2014 at 5:45 pm

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Peter March 5, 2015 at 10:35 pm

a mouthful. Based on your gamamrr, I’d say that don’t FULLY SEX EDUCATE THEIR KIDS because they’re far too busy in your area trying to teach them proper English.

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BK January 17, 2008 at 11:53 am

I agree with you on the point on that the “good ones” are willing to give a bit more than they receive. Maybe I am wrong, as it is from a guy’s point of view, it is especially important for a guy to be extra patient if he is dating a single mom. He will have to understand that the she might have been through a bad relationship in the past and not to be too impatient in getting her to commit. Give her the extra allowance and patience. Be concerned not only to her but also to her kid(s).

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Ms. Single Mama January 17, 2008 at 1:32 pm

Yep. Definitely BK – well said!

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mssinglemama February 15, 2008 at 3:59 am

Interesting…that only one woman has responded to this post – and it’s one of the most popular entries on my blog. Ladies??? What do you think?

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SingleMoM April 3, 2009 at 5:22 am

I'm a single mom of 2 children and i recently gave this guy (stanger) my phone number i've known him from a local gas station for about 4 months or more) and i would talk to him when i would go there which was at least once a day..i just left a 8 year relationship( 3 weeks ago) and didnt shed a tear and nor do i even care to see the ex if it wasnt for my children he doesnt even really do much or visit with either, is it to early to start dating already without the children

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Single MoM April 3, 2009 at 5:23 am

involved at first intil i got to know him as a person myself he . but i had given him my number to a co worker that worked with him and then i seen him the next day and he ask why didnt i just give it to him does taht show him signs that i may not be sure about him because i am just a totally shy girl when it comes to talking to guys.. then he walked out to my car with me and offered to hang out with my kids the first time we would hang out i think thats a little odd of a guy but then i get the feeling he knows i'm a single mom and is maybe just a careing guy coud it be possiable i am only 24 and was 18 when i had my first child and i never dated before the father of my kids was my first boyfriend…very confused on how to take the simple fact that he offered to take the kids out somewhere on a first time meeting

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Jason March 6, 2013 at 7:19 pm

U will be fine don’t be scread

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SamanthaSwears June 30, 2009 at 10:21 pm

I love it! When I got divorced, I was so busy trying to replace "the husband" that I lost sight of the whole process and how fun it is to meet new people and really get to know them. I found a great article when I was googling "how to find a husband" that put it all into focus: http://www.dating-relationship-advice-for-women.c… Take it easy, girl! Have some fun. No more losers. This is your life!

At first I was terrified how it would affect my children, that I had two precious little girls to protect ON TOP OF being sexy and funny and engaging and found myself wondering what kind of a daddy he'd be. The line about dating only the people who make your life happier is the most important!

Slow down girls and get to know a guy WAY BEFORE he even has a chance to meet your children! Only the kings get to come into the castle. You'll be happier and your kids will thank you in the long run by having the best possible role model for how to live a happy life. Thanks!

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samantha September 7, 2009 at 5:11 pm

I have been talking to a guy for a few weeks, Just over the phone. He says he is falling for me and talks alot about future plans. He doesnt know I have a 3yr old son. I havent met him yet, and I am meeting him over the weekend. He seems like a great guy and I am only 21 and he is 32. I am hoping if he see’s me and realises how great I am that he will be ok with the whole kid thing:P I am scared he will just leave and I will be devastated as I like him alot.
How do I tell him??? Will he feel I wasnt honest with him???
I mean I have been waiting till we meet, but should I have told him over the phone?
PLEASE HELP!!! SO SCARED!!!

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