Credit where credit is due

by mssinglemama on November 2, 2007

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, hospital a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, visit leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, hospital a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, visit leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

http://mssinglemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/benjammin.jpg

Was just inspired by Clark, decease and and entry on his Single Dad blog to post a hilarious personal I once saw on Craigslist. It was so funny I actually e-mailed it to my sister.

Here goes:

“I stopped smoking July 1st, mind 2007.

I enjoy procrastinating.

I drink far less alcohol then the average person.

I don’t care for sports or animals.

I believe it’s okay to spit.

I hate studying.

I use only paper plates, here disposable cups, and plasticware.

I prefer to cut my own hair.

I sleep 10-12 hrs a night.

I go to bed after midnight.

I haven’t seen my parents in ten years.

I’m very organized and neat.

I rearrange my money so that all the Presidents face the same way.

I reconsider things indefinitely before making a decision.

I like Oriental Noodle Soups.

I hate Rap/R&B.

I hate Marijuana.

I’d like to meet someone that lives close to me or has transportation. If you have personality issues please leave me alone.”

Isn’t that priceless?
My son’s father called yesterday, treatment on a Saturday. This is rare. I think I can count on my hands how many times he has called outside of his two days with Benjamin since I left 15 months ago.

“My car is dead, viagra 60mg I won’t be coming Monday,” he says. “What? Why? Where are you?” I ask. “45 minutes from Columbus.” My heart skips a bit, was he trying to come visit Benjamin, as a surprise? Nope. “I am on my way back from Columbus, I was up there to see a friend.” Ohhhhh….now my blood is boiling. He drove all the way up here and didn’t even stop in for a quick visit. “Why did it break down?” He is still completely calm, like this is no big deal. He was driving it without oil. Now, this happens to some of us, and it sucks. But this happened to the Ex because he is completely and totally irresponsible. I don’t know much about cars but I’m pretty sure his is probably fried.

He is in a world of hurt financially so there’s no way he’ll be able to buy a new car. I tell him he’ll have to pay for daycare on Monday and Tuesday. He says – fine, no problem. But I know he doesn’t have the cash…at all. So, in five minutes I realize I am going to have to pay for full-time daycare. Benjamin will have to spend five days in daycare indefinitely and his father isn’t even phased.

This has been a fear of mine since leaving the Ex… my fear, sometimes my hope (I have to admit sometimes I think we would be better off if he just wasn’t around at all), has been that he will become completely overwhelmed with all of his debt and just up and leave for Canada. I married him after we’d only known each other for three months, because he needed a green card and we were in love. I was young and very, very naive.

So…I have a very, very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach right now. I just tried to call him and there was no answer. He might stay for a while, but if that car is completely dead and he can’t get from point A to point B, what is he going to do? His girlfriend might be able to drive him around but she’s a single mom too. Yes, there is another woman as stupid as I was. I actually want to call her sometimes and just warn her. I feel more connected to this single mother who I haven’t even met than Ex-man.

The Ex has problems. His is a very sad story, which is why I stayed with him throughout my pregnancy. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Hoping that once the baby arrived he would change. When I told him I was leaving he didn’t even ask about custody or fight for it. As far as child support goes – he pays the bare minimum because I don’t report the cost of childcare, rent … nothing. I did this knowing that he was broke and knowing that if I claimed the full amount he would leave the country.

So this is my perpetual question – would it be better for Benjamin if he did leave? Wouldn’t it be better if he left now while Benjamin is still too young to know anything? Maybe he won’t leave – maybe he’ll stay and magically turn into a fantastic father. I do know one thing – I don’t want to do anything that drives him away. My worst fear is Benjamin growing up and then blaming me for the fact that his father isn’t around. I know this is a bit irrational and now that he’s getting older I’m becoming even more and more protective of him. Now it’s not his immediate health I’m worried about constantly – it’s his little heart.

Technically he’s not a dead beat dad, thanks to the state of Ohio’s fantastic child support system, the money comes straight out of his paycheck. But isn’t a father who doesn’t even care also a dead beat dad? I am lucky to recieve the child support, although so scant. I can’t even imagine having a true dead beat ex…but mine is pretty damn close to one.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
His car is totalled. A mishap of pure stupidity and irresponsibility, order the Ex drove his car without oil.

Now it will cost more than the car is worth to fix it, site which means he has no way to make the hour and a half trip to see his son – indefinitely. It is such a relief.

I know this is horrible, buy I know I should be feeling sorry for him. But it has been years and years of me sitting here making excuses for him. And for this, there is no excuse. He’s an idiot. The man has nothing to his name and mountains and mountains of debt and he drives his one possession into the ground. Nope. No sympathy this time. I’m done with it. Today, Benjamin didn’t even notice as I drove him to daycare instead of our usual Tuesday routine – waking up to Daddy.

We have an odd situation. The Ex actually doesn’t have his own house so he spends his two days with Benjamin in mine. Very interesting. We are daddyless and then all of sudden – he’s here. He walks in Monday mornings at 8:30, giving me just 10 minutes to brief him on Benjamin’s week and the down low on meals, etc.

Typically on Mondays and Tuesday nights I come home to find Benjamin tuckered out, very hungry and acting like a little tyrant. The Ex is very, very sensitive to any suggestion that he does not know his son as well as I do. This even though during his absent days I rarely ever get a phone call from him and when I do he usually never asks about Benjamin. I have to volunteer the days news. So naturally when he’s with his father Benjamin’s routine is shot to hell and so are his naptimes and eating habits.

On top of this Ex usually has some put downs to toss my way, including but not limited to:

  • You’re not really alone. We (meaning he and Benjamin’s sitter) spend more time with him than you do.
  • You chose this. It was your choice to be a single mom.

And then there’s always the stories about his new girlfriend and her son. I hadn’t realized how much his presence was stressing me out. It’s just that even seeing him, seeing him try to “act” like the perfect father, just that alone actually makes me a bit queasy. It’s like this psuedo-reality and Benjamin has to sense it too.

So this comes back to the burning question – would we be better off without him around at all? I just have this horrible vision of Benjamin when he’s two or three expecting his father to come and then being let down, again and again.

I know I have to let things shake out and I will never do anything to push him away from his son. The door always has and always will be open. I just wish he could be the man I thought he was when I married him – completely in love and devoted to his family. The one thing I haven’t heard since the car bit it, “God, this is horrible. I miss Benjamin.”

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
On Sunday morning I asked Benjamin to kiss me, hospital a request I’ve been making for months now. Usually he looks at me like I’m crazy and goes on his merry way.

This time he pulled his little binkie out of his mouth, visit leaned in with a pucker and kissed me!!!! I absolutely melted and shrieked with delight. He loved my reaction and is now a kissing fool. I am on cloud nine.

This morning before I left for work he walked up and offered me a kiss. Just for me. The perfect little kiss from the perfect little boy. Like most people have told me, this parenting thing just keeps getting better and better.

How could anyone resist this little face?

Baby Benjamin

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
Tonight when I called Ex to check on his car situation he said, diagnosis “I miss Benjamin so much. I’ve never gone this long without seeing him.”

And I know he meant it. He does love Benjamin but he just happens to be horrible at managing his finances, erectile communicating and just taking care of his own life in general.

Just wanted to give him credit for missing his son and being man enough to admit it. He found a new engine for his car…so he might be back in the next few weeks. Time will tell. In the meantime I’ll be taking Benjamin down his way for a visit.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

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