Are all of the good men taken? And if they’re not…what’s wrong with them?

by mssinglemama on October 26, 2007







Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

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»Single Mom Dating Advice

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[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.






Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

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My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

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Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.
My parents, on their honeymoon.
»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.
My parents, on their honeymoon.
»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.
My parents, on their honeymoon.
»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.
My parents, on their honeymoon.
»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
A new study suggests men die before women because they are natural polygamists. Meaning, that during cave man days, polygamy was the norm – not monogamy. All of the competition for women and lots and lots of sex wore those poor guys out and they still die earlier because of it.

Read the article here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!




Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:


Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tied the knot this weekend in a private ceremony. She’s expecting their baby girl in just a few weeks now.

I’ve written about this before … about celebrities, or just us plain old folks, who get married after happy accidents – i.e. pregnancy, or in my case, getting busted by the INS. Is the idea of being a single mom really that scary? That instead of just staying with your boyfriend, you make it official and permanent with marriage – just because you’re pregnant?

So many marriages are the result of an accidental pregnancy. Being a single parent is really not that

I can’t see inside of their relationship and I am not judging, I’m just posing a question:
I love Spring.

I love it for the obvious reasons. Spring cleaning with the windows open. Flowers blooming. New beginnings. And the icing on the cake? Topless male runners.

Should half-naked, sweating, hot as hell men be allowed to run down the sidewalks next to busy streets? I could crash. Seriously. It’s dangerous. What would happen if women did it? And guys if you think it’s different, you’re wrong. Because seeing a hot as hell guy with his shirt off is quite the treat for us ladies.

What’s wrong with me? I’m a mother for crying out loud! I can’t believe I’m even writing this.

I’m not supposed be checking guys out like this. And doing it from my car? It’s not like I could even get their numbers? I could start throwing paper airplanes at them. Or maybe bottles of water. Would that work?

Torture. Pure torture.

I could teach Benjamin to throw cookies at them. Or I could just roll down the car window and let him shout at them, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

He does this to every one he sees. In stores, on streets, at the park and even from the car window. Doesn’t matter who you are. A hobo, a CEO, a goth dude, an old Russian lady – he’ll should “Hi!” repeatedly until you say “Hi” back. Convenient if I want to say “Hi” too.  ;  )

How do you pick up men? Do you pick up men? Guys, how do you pick us up? Secrets or tips anyone? Dish them please.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
I’ve been a single mom for 14 months now. But, technically, it’s been 27 months if you count … my pregnancy and my son’s first 4 months. I do because my husband was useless. He was actually a negative force and made things harder rather than easier. Which, of course, is why I left him. I often tell people, “being a single mom is easier than being a mom who is married to a jerk off husband.”

Of course, I edit the word “jerk off” depending on the company I’m in. Jerk off can be replaced with asshole, dick fuck or if I’m around old people – mean.

Now, 14 months after leaving him, my life is back in order.

I have a massive credit card debt to clean up and of course, a child to raise, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. So I’ve been dating. And it has been, to say the least, an incredible pain in the ass. Lots of ups, lots of downs. I’ve been asking myself – why am I so desperate to find someone?

Because it’s so hard to be alone? Yes. It is hard to be alone but I have never really liked being tied down and there’s no sense in rushing it just because I have a son. That is why I do feel rushed though – I think to myself – he’s only getting older. Soon he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have a dad. It’s just so hard. So I’m torn between the fact that in order to find someone there will be trials and errors. I just don’t want too many errors.

So what I’m discovering is that I am like a super speed dater. I date them and then eliminate them. But then I find myself getting eliminated also and that’s hard. If there are any games of cat and mouse. Any dating bull shit I get confused. Because I’m living in a very, very real world and dating bachelors who aren’t. Yes, their worlds are “real” but theirs are so far from my reality and often the two realities don’t mix. I’ve dated all kinds. The men who admit they have no idea what it could possibly be like and then there are the men who claim to know everything about raising a baby. This supreme knowledge came from caring for a friend’s baby or from watching over a niece or nephew. I think a nice in between guy would be ideal. But for anyone to say they know everything about babies when they haven’t even had their own is just completely audacious. But – they’re out there!

Last night I scooped Benjamin up out of his bed and took him into mine. I seldom do this because I want him to be a “good” all-night bed sleeper. But last night, I just couldn’t resist. I needed to cuddle with him and feel his little breaths on my face. And we both woke up feeling completely refreshed. He looked at me and smiled. A big, sunny smile and then he took his finger and stuck it right up my nose. Now, that’s what true love is really all about. How many men can really make me laugh that hard? Until I find one that can, it’s just going to be me and my little man.

Once upon a time, before I became a single mom, I got married…

wedding-dress

And then my Prince Charming turned into a frog.

After marriage counseling, much soul ringing and yet another really nasty fight I decided it would be better to raise my four month old son alone than in that environment. So I packed up my things and left my husband, my career and my friends to move in with my mother and become a single mother.

During my first year as a single mom, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me.

Then something happened.

I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

One year, many bad dates and a new apartment later I started this blog about being a single mom… everything that followed is documented here. Start at the beginning , watch my videos or catch up with a copy of Ms. Single Mama Uncensored: Dating, Sex and Love, a 120 page eBook that includes all of the back stories and juicy secrets you won’t find on my blog.

Characters

The Love of My Life – Benjamin

About-Ben

My true Prince Charming, Benjamin is now 5 years old. And, even though being a single mom is by far the most challenging circumstance anyone can imagine – I’d never want it any other way, and he’s the reason why.

The Single Mom – Alaina, aka Ms. Single Mama

I’m a single mom but I’m also a single woman, a writer, a novice photographer and a blogger. My fans call me inspirational and refreshing while my haters call me “a disgrace to my gender” and a bunch of other things too nasty to publish. I’ll let you decide what you think, but if you’re a total jerk there’s a good chance I’ll delete your comment – because the world has enough negative energy already.

My Man – Mr. Single Dad

He’s tall, he’s dark, he’s handsome and he’s absolutely wonderful. In fact, I had accepted the fact that he may never show up and had become quite content with that fact. That’s part of the reason why, I suppose, that we found each other. Love is really only possible if you love yourself first. And then… if you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who compliments you – not completes you.

It’s only fitting that he is also a single parent. See more pictures of us here. Read about how we met here. And – update – how we got married here.

—–

My eBook (for free).

All you have to do is become a Facebook fan. Details are here.

The Next Chapter: Read Beauty and the Biker

Seth and I, now happily married, blog about blending our families at BeautyandtheBiker.com. See you there!

Media & Stuff

Past media appearances/interviews include:

Questions?

Start with my Frequently Asked Questions page.

My Business

Working for other people made it hard to leave work when Benjamin was sick or to even leave right at 5:00 to pick him up from school. So I started my own business. So far, very good.

Visit Cement Marketing.com, my Web Development, Search Engine Optimization and Social Marketing firm in Columbus Ohio for my blog on social and search marketing.

—-

Really? I’ll take it.

My blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com.

Guaranteed Addictive
Single Mom blogger, Alaina, Ms. Single Mama
He holds my face in his hands and says before kissing me, “Are you feeling this?”

“Yes,” I answer, relieved. “It’s not just me, then?”

“No. It’s not just you,” he says.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask.

“Nope.” He smiles into my eyes.

“Me neither.”

But we just met. This is only our second date.

How is this possible? How can we both be feeling what we’re feeling? Is this purely driven by our physical attraction to one another? Definitely not, I’ve felt that before–this is something entirely different. And I was attracted to him before I even met him. This is something I can’t describe and all of my skepticism all of my cynicism, all of my doubts that love like this exists in the world is immediately gone.

And I can say that this is worth everything preceding it, no matter what follows…

——

The first time I see him it is through the glare of my laptop screen.

I am smiling as I look at his profile pictures. My smile is almost obtrusive because I can’t make it stop. “Why are you smiling like this?” I say out loud. “Stop. Seriously, this is ridiculous. It’s just a profile.” But I can’t. I am talking to myself and smiling and struck.

There he is.

All smiles himself with lovely dark eyes that are smiling even when he is not, the outline of his dimples showing through his beard. In one picture he is holding his daughter on his lap, she one of two children he mentions in his profile.

“They’re incredible. And tiring. And funny. And totally worth all the hard work.”

I scan his stats.

He’s 6’3″, clearly gorgeous, gainfully employed in a position he loves. And then there’s his smile. And my smile. The one that is still on my face. Obtrusive and still there, five minutes later.

What is going on? This is nuts.

I had logged on that afternoon to delete my account on OkCupid.com. I had gone on one really awkward date and couldn’t bear the thought of going on anymore. It would be a waste of time. And I don’t want a man that badly. Not bad enough to do that again.

Before deleting my account I stopped, noticing a stock pile of inbound messages. Hmmmm…. who were these from? I scanned the inbox. Nah, nope, gross! And then there was his face and a message.

Evidently we’re 0% match, 41% friend, and 50% enemy. I think that’s pretty funny, because based on how you describe yourself and your “manperson”, I think we’d actually get along pretty well. So, guess I’m just saying Hi, and I’d like to talk sometime.

Keep being awesome.

We find out later we were 50% enemy because I hadn’t taken the time to properly fill out my profile. I write back immediately and after a few exchanges we have made a Saturday coffee date.

That day I can’t think about much else and after Benjamin marches off to Margaret’s house across the street, she’s my soul mate single mama neighbor, without whom I don’t know what I would do. We both trade our children back and forth all weekend, every weekend. This is one of those times and she’s happily acquired Benjamin so I can get dressed. But I can’t get dressed.

This never happens to me. Sure, I have trouble deciding on what to wear, but in this instance I am literally unable to even find something, anything to wear. The butterflies aren’t just flying around in my stomach–they are throwing punches. I end up electing to be on time rather than super cute and choose an old sweater over a t-shirt. Completely boring but at this point, this is a huge win–at least I am dressed.

On paper he is everything.

But what will he be like in person?

When I walk in, I see him on the couch. He jumps up and greets me and I can tell he’s just as nervous. He’s taller than I imagined. It’s not every day that six foot, three men are standing before you. His face is warm, sweet, kind and interesting. And in an instant I can tell that he has lived and survived through pain, real pain. The pain of divorce, the pain of raising two children through that. He is equally as strong as he is sensitive and caring. A dad, through and through. I immediately like him and feel like I’ve known him forever.

When we sit down the conversation starts and it doesn’t stop. We are talking (and laughing) for hours. I find out he has recently moved back to Ohio after four years in Texas, my favorite place on the planet. He has passions: his motorcycle, his songwriting, his children, who are five and six. And then, the coffee long gone, we take a walk from Cup o’ Joe into the Short North. We window shop, eat ice cream and when it’s time to get back to Benjamin he tells me he’d like to see me again.

And so it began…

—-

And here we are, kissing on my couch.

The butterflies are there, the lead weights are there. Everything is there and I have absolutely no reservations, no compromises, no settlements. I also have to stand corrected. On the Prince Charming stuff. While I don’t need to be rescued in any way, he definitely exists because, I have found mine.

To prevent any worries on your end, my sweet readers, because I know some of you may be thinking–that I am insane or that my body has been taken hostage by dopamine and other chemically, or hormonally induced forces… there will be no rushing the children into things. As badly as we want everyone to meet, introductions will be made slowly, very slowly. Like a month from now slowly. And even then we will be friends who have play dates once a week or bi-weekly.

We have both learned in the past that being a single parent dating requires patience and planning.

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Prince Charming can kiss my ass.

I am a 29 year old, divorced single mom. I left my husband when my son was just four months old. I started this blog one year later.

During that first year, I was hunting – searching for someone to rescue me. Then something happened. I opened my eyes and realized that I didn’t need a man at all, I just wanted one. There’s a big difference.

When you are a single mom, juggling a full-time job and raising a child or children – it’s hard to find time to paint your toenails, let alone go out on a date. We don’t have time for rules or drama. We also look at men differently. They could look hot in that pair of jeans but will they be a good father? Would they be a good husband?

And then there’s that whole raising a little human by yourself thing.

This isn’t easy. There aren’t any clear answers.

We can’t make it all go away but we can make it better – piece by piece, day by day. And in the meantime we can keep each other company.

Thanks for reading and please e-mail me with any questions or issues you’d like me to write about at mssinglemama@gmail.com.

Thanks to all of you – my amazing readers – my blog was listed as one of the Top 100 Must-Read Blogs by Women by Blogtreprenuer.com. You rock. Thanks for being here.

If you’re a single mom looking for dating advice click here.

A video for the dating single moms.

»Watch more videos

»Single Mom Dating Advice

»Skip to the Best Stuff

[Photo: Morgan Siler Photography]

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.


After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.
After my last potential prince turned into a frog I looked at my best friend and said, “I just need a nice boyfriend.”

“I know,” she looked slightly concernted, “but it’s okay to be single for a while.” I realized…I have become way too desperate. It is okay to be single. It’s more than okay, it’s actually quite nice.

I used to love being single, used to relish in it and savour every moment knowing I could meet a new boyfriend any day and that these single moments would be lost. So in the past week it’s hit me – why do I really want a man? Do I even need one?

Sure, he could give me back rubs, sex, kisses, cuddles and hopefully make me laugh. But what else? Other than the fact that Benjamin will need a father, I can’t see any other reason to make room for a man in my life right now.

The reasons why I love being a single mom:

  • I get to parent the way I want to parent
  • I get to do whatever I want with Benjamin, whenever
  • I get to focus 100% of my attention on Benjamin
  • I am less stressed out
  • I have more time to keep my life in order: cooking, cleaning, shopping
  • I get to buy whatever I want without criticism
  • I can hang out with whoever, whenever
  • And the best part, I’m completely free and there’s always the chance that some day I will meet my Prince Charming.

Why do you love being a single mom?

Let’s focus on the positive for a moment, shall we? Being a single mom rocks. Really. We are pretty damn amazing. Every single mother I’ve ever met has been so strong, like a rock, fortified in her own solitude completely aware of the challenges and the rewards.

We don’t all have the answers. We don’t know why fate turned us down this path… but we go on, because we have to and in reality it’s not as hard as it sounds. At least we’re not married – that’s what really scares me. Do I need therapy? Maybe. Am I happy? Most of the time. Do I want to find someone eventually? Yes.

That will be another challenge and I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I’ve got a pretty big bridge to cross. Can I cross two at once? Usually these things happen in a nice order. Love. Marriage. Baby in the baby carriage. Not baby in the baby carriage. Love and then marriage. But, doesn’t that sound like it could be, dare I say it, romantic and fun?

***UPDATE***

You might be interested in another post I wrote on loving single momminess that caused quite a stir with some angry readers. Read it here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My parents, on their honeymoon.
My parents, on their honeymoon.
»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
A new study suggests men die before women because they are natural polygamists. Meaning, that during cave man days, polygamy was the norm – not monogamy. All of the competition for women and lots and lots of sex wore those poor guys out and they still die earlier because of it.

Read the article here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)

****UPDATE****

Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
My fellow single mama friend just broke up with her boyfriend.

Trying to distract herself from the drama of yet another failed relationship – she jumped online. Online to the land of hope…where single men await by the hundreds in online personals.  I talked to her last night as she checked out profile after profile – “Oh, he’s super cute. Oh! Here’s another one! Oh my god, he just chatted me.” This morning, gave her another call, “hello???” She sounds exhausted.

“I’ve been up all night online…20 guys have e-mailed me already!” And many of them sound very promising. Her site of choice – Yahoo Personals. So… we’ll live vicariously through her for a few weeks and I’ll keep you posted. But, if she’s had that many potential matches already – that’s a damn good sign.

Some rules of thumb for online dating.

1. Your gut is far more accurate than an “advanced matching system” ever will be, so choose a site where you can control the searching. Read my review on E-harmony for more details.

2. Always meet for the first time during a lunch break. No alcohol, no hours and hours of misery. If you hit it off – then you can pay for a sitter and devote an entire evening to him.

3. Check for dates on photographs. Men aren’t stupid, they’re actually a bit crafty and may be posting pics from before they started losing their hair or gaining tons of weight. If you only like one picture out of five…go with the other four and spare yourself the embarassment of having to call it off based soley on looks.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
A new study suggests men die before women because they are natural polygamists. Meaning, that during cave man days, polygamy was the norm – not monogamy. All of the competition for women and lots and lots of sex wore those poor guys out and they still die earlier because of it.

Read the article here.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!
It’s been over a year and a half now of pure singleness and in that time I’ve been dating.

Trying all of my options, refusing to shut any doors based on age, looks or personality quirks. I’ve dated men of all ages..26, 31, 33, 37, 38 and even 47! I’m 28.

The 47 year old was an incredibly interesting single father but there was no spark.The 37 year old calls himself a monk and can’t actually be with women physically. The 31 year old had an addiction to porn. The 26 year old wouldn’t or couldn’t stop talking about himself. The list goes on and on…

I have found that no matter what the age – they all have issues. But, as they age, these “issues” become even more solidified and the chances of changing or maybe correcting them are slim to none. If they’ ve been single for most of their adult life – what are the odds they’re finally going to take the plunge and “settle down.”It just leads me to wonder if there’s even a chance of finding an attractive, successful, happy, well-rounded man (over 30) who hasn’t been snatched up yet. Or one who actually wants a serious relationship.

If a guy is over 30 and has yet to commit to a woman in his life is there even a chance he would commit to a single mom? I just can’t see it happening. Besides, why would we waste our times with non-commital guys? We can’t. This is my new red flag…men over 30 who have never been married or had kids.

So, with that said – I have two options:

1. Dating divorced men or single dads.

We know they can commit. We can determine rather quickly what happened in their last relationship. Was it a mis-match from the beginning? Did he try everything in his power to keep her? Did she cheat on him or vice versa? He’s already been married, we can see how he handled it. Single fathers would understand the “baby thing” and we would also be able to tell what kind of parent they are – double bonus!

2. Dating younger men.

Ahhh…younger men. I’m talking 23-26. They are young, hopeful, unjaded and have little to no baggage. Sure they use terms you may not understand like, “most def”: translation – most definitely. But they are so refereshing. In just a few years time these younger men are bound to be snatched up and gone – off the market forever. It is so tempting to think that maybe, just maybe you could mold this young man into your perfect husband. They’re also fun, refreshing and so quick to fall in love and give you everything.

Please share your thoughts…your experiences. Beg to differ? Please do so. And if you’re an exception to my red flag let me know.

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

{ 2 trackbacks }

The Best of Ms. Single Mama
September 30, 2008 at 7:34 pm
The ultimate prize: a single mom.
October 21, 2008 at 9:30 pm

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Scavenger October 26, 2007 at 5:38 am

hmmmm ok…
Single and very jaded.
Most women these days are “cougars” anyway
.

Reply

mssinglemama January 14, 2008 at 2:37 am

Yep we are. Because we have to be. There are a lot of jerks out there and most of them happen to be older … and – go figure – still single.

Reply

bodyopus July 1, 2008 at 8:47 am

…the irony of your blog is it works both ways. I find the same “options” in dating women. Younger , they’re beautiful,..fresh, energetic, and are willing to take a chance as they have nothing to lose,BUT, have not experienced those bumpy journeys in life so it requires raising another child. I’ll pass…to the dismay of my buddies! I am a single dad and would no longer be interested in any women that has not been married, and experienced raising children. They are much more insightful, intimate, and…well.. “get it”.
He’s out there…just don’t look so hard. All the best!

Reply

Single Mom October 18, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Are you still single? You’ve got it together. 😉

Reply

M!ss Natalie February 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

It’s interesting to see you comment on a comment on your own blog, over 3 years later 🙂

Reply

Kay February 4, 2015 at 5:53 am

My hat is off to your astute command over this tocbi-pravo!

Reply

222 October 3, 2008 at 4:49 pm

Helloooo there from down under

Reply

J-MA (ie. 222) October 3, 2008 at 5:02 pm

as i was……… before my little Madam decided to press a few buttons .. ha ha!

Hello there from down under..

Have done experienced both ………. dated a single dad (2 gorgeous children) and have also dated the young ‘unjaded’ men. Am 25 so (little Madam is 3).. myself so these guys ARE younger than myself with no baggage at all..

Younger Men:
have dated 2 thus far, and have found them both to be so attentive and ‘willing’ to go out of their way to make your life easier.. but along with this came the unfortunate fact that i couldn’t just ‘drop’ everything and hang out like i would’ve if i didn’t have Maddie. Also felt at times, i had to explain to them in detail about my responsilities of providing a stable bkround for my daughter. Almost like explaining to another child.. The most recent has been a dreammmm.. except we argue a lot. I carry ‘baggage’ (aside from Maddie) from past relationships.. ????? wot do i do?!

Single Dad:
Still had ties with his ex, and still stayed at her house every now and then.. ‘for the kids sake’ as i was told! This obviously didn’t last very long 🙂 He did however understand the joys and woes of being a parent, which was a pleasant change from the ‘younger man’.

seemed to drabble on.. lol! sorrrrrrrrrry… but im still hopeful 😉

x

Reply

J-MA (ie. 222) October 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm

ooohhh…. and no i don’t believe all the good men are taken just yet…. they’re asking the same question about us ‘Are all the good girls taken’?!

Reply

Safari December 8, 2008 at 1:07 pm

Men and Women are equally as jaded when it comes to dating seriously. This doesn’t surprise me at all.

http://www.stuffcougarslike.com

Reply

NotADad April 17, 2009 at 3:37 pm

MMmm. Addicted to porn – do you mean he could not function properly sexually because he used porn compulsively (can happen – a form of sex addiction)? There could be non-judgmental ways to help there, you have to not see porn as competition or setting some standard to live up to physically. It's just images and fantasy. By the same token, it's best seen and enjoyed as that. Maybe sharing it together and discussing it, what is arousing, what is not. What is a turn off. What is beautiful. What is realistic. What is demeaning and why, and to who? What is not. As a sex aid in other words. You could find out more about what each of you like. Most porn, unfortunately, is boring. these days. But some is not, used as directed.

I dunno maybe women can't do that. I've always asked lovers to *tell* me what they like, or at least make it patently obvious with appropriate noises for eg, otherwise I will not know. It's weird how women will just *not* say "I love it when you [highly specific action], I don't like it as much when you …" – until years into a relationship. Maybe tied up with feeling like a brazen hussy to be so clear about sexual needs, I don't know? Men have no problems asking for a BJ, whatever! But when girls do tell, I do it there way usually, because the more she gets off the more I will get off, for sure. Or at least I did (past tense at present, what a loser!).

Reply

NotADad April 17, 2009 at 3:56 pm

On maturity at "over 30" (LoL!).

I was a rather promising piano pupil as a teenager, but was more interested in rock than Bach (pity about that – I adore Bach now while still liking rock of all kinds). In the end I had a Gunnery Sgt-type cranky old piano teacher who could have put the fear of God into most Gunnery Sgts. She was regarded as a brilliant teacher. Once when I was 19, she called my mother on the phone and told her that I had to practice, that I could be a concert pianist, that I was lazy because I was too talented etc and that was a flaw (she was right to some extent). When my mother said "But he's 19, I can't tell him to do much" Cranky Teacher said: "Nonsense. They're still babies until they're at least 30. My daughter was the same, I had to force her to practice, now look at her!" (Her daughter was an acclaimed musician of some fame). We'll, I didn't practice and though I play some things (including rock) quite well, I am not the Bach specialist I would perhaps now quite like to be.

Morale: she was right. This is not an argument for bossing around 19 year olds. What I mean is, at 30, I was not that far ahead of where I was at 19, I just thought I was. In actual fact, I don't think I really matured in many ways until I turned 50. And I still have a way to go. It's ongoing. And I hope it continues to be. Stop growing, start dying,

Reply

newlySingleDad April 22, 2009 at 7:01 am

i am a newly single dad. i have 50% custody of my almost 4 year old daughter. My ex does not sound as (whatever negative term is appropriate) as yours. But i am curious, what do you think of someone whose wife cheated on him (me) and she would not spend any time working through the issues, and just put up walls until i called it quits. any comments or advice?
thanks

Reply

aCupof TEA May 11, 2009 at 10:59 pm

My philosophy is: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER go for the younger guys!

Reply

Reality June 25, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Plenty of good single men out there who want to settle down, marry, etc.

Problem is they don't come "packaged" as the guys most women normally are "hot" for.

Remember all those "nice guys" you knew? I know many of them were utter doormats and even living a lie behind their "nice guy" ways, but some of them were just decent men who were raised to be gentlemen to women, and then spent their 20s being rejected over and over for the guys women end up complaining about in blogs.

It's a red flag to be never married and childless in your 30s? You're missing a lot of good men then. I'm 35, never married, no kids…does that mean I want to avoid commitment at all costs? No. It means that I, like many guys, spent our 20s being told and shown in to many ways that the only way to get a woman is to be a jerk. To be aloof, cocky, and play games.

Am I bitter? No. I'm more thankful that I and many like me never had to deal with the problems of divorce and other insanity that others have. We took each rejection and friendzoning to heart and learned from them. Now we sit in our 30s and see a sea of damaged women out there. Women who got knocked up from that fling with the guy everyone kept telling them to dump. Women who are in their 30s and emotionally a mess, claiming all men are children and such but never taking accountability for their own actions.

I'm not attacking you personally here, but I get tired of these incessant whines of women who claim all the good men are taken. You women need to wake up and realize you can't have "hot, wealthy, exciting, wild" combined with "stable, loyal, committing, sensitive". You can have some variations and some combinations, but not all of it. No more than men can't have the supermodel with large breasts, a career, money, and yet loves to cook, clean, and give sex anytime the man asks.

I'm honestly glad you're at least trying in all avenues, but it sounds like some of your "qualifications" are the kinds that don't usually come with "stable, loving, commiting, etc" You women need to realize that if you put everything on that magical "spark" you all hope for, then you'll end up alone most of the time. Excitement doesn't come from seeing him, it comes from what you two do together.

Believe me, I finally found Ms Right, and while I think she's beautiful, she's not the typical long haired brunette with a nice chest and slender body that I normally would pursue. When I first met her I wasn't excited about her, but after two dates I couldn't fathom anyone else I'd want in my life. I didn't settle, but I came to reality…and I can only think how I could have been an idiot and tossed her away for some impossible fantasy. Thankfully I didn't.

I'm not telling you to go out and date some ugly guy who wants to get married, but to be realistic and open-minded in WHERE you go looking for men. If a guy can get laid every week by hot young women, then he's not planning on getting married…period. If he can get all the joys of a relationship without giving much of anything, then what's in it for him to commit (based on what he wants out of women)?

There are MILLIONS of good marrying men out there, but they might not be 6 feet tall. They might not have a full head of hair. They might not be obese, but they also might not have a body of an athlete. They might not be the ethnicity/race you normally go for. They might work a normal job and bring home enough money to make for a good HALF of a family income. They're out there, and they want to be a good man to a lucky woman…to prove to themselves and others that you don't have to be a jerk to get women, but the more you keep pushing them all away, the more alone you end up, and the more of them who might decide to just become cynical and become the "jerks" you women complain about just to get laid.

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Tucker August 11, 2009 at 1:05 am

I’m a single, 30 y.o. (but I look mid-20s) guy who has never been married or has kids. But I am no one’s red flag. I’m single because I have been in relationships, most of my adult life, that just didn’t work out – some great people just never find “the one.” In addition to my past dating experiences I have dated a single mother. She was 8 years older than me with three kids, twin 21 y.o. boys and one 18 y.o. daughter [do the math… she was very young]. My experience with her and her kids was great. [Long story short] She wanted to settle down with someone her age or older, who already had kids and didn’t want more kids. I was younger and I eventually wanted kids of my own. But that didn’t stop our attraction towards each other. We got serious and dated for 2-3 months. She said if I were older and had kids she would marry me. But we ended our friendship because we knew we were not for each other.

Now I’m dating another single mother. She is the most amazing girl I have ever dated. I am so good to her: I cook dinner and I give her foot massages. I know there is more to it than that but, hey, most women would love those two things. Aside from my cooking and massaging skills: I’m not arrogant, I am very sweet, affectionate, passionate, fun/funny, independent, educated, mature, I have a career, I’m going to be a great father – I’m great with kids and kids always get along with me, I’m not conceited but I am cute, tall and handsome. No one is perfect but I am darn close. I’ve been told, by my sisters, that it’s hard to find a great guy like me. I truly believe that, my sisters wouldn’t lie to me. Many women are looking for a guy like me but life is about chance. Every woman has different preferences and their own perception of their perfect man. But some women can be blind when a perfect man is right in front of them. I’m just hoping that the single mom I’m dating now will choose me and realize that I’m a great and quality guy worth introducing to her kids.

I’m not taken, yet, and there is nothing wrong with me.

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Margarita February 4, 2015 at 2:22 am

Dondu sir:I do not agree with your response to Mr. Krishnan on the Saravana Bhavan US visa case. The U.S. Government does grant visas for Indian Cooks, on a preeanmnt basis, if one goes through the procedures – a)advertise in local US papers calling for cooks with knowledge of Indian cuisine – prove that there are no locals able to do this kindof cooking b) file an immigrant petition with the Immigration service, and WAIT for some years for thisto come through. What Shivakumar did was a criminal offence, in applying for a tourist visa,with falsified documents, whereas his intention was to employ this people in the us as cooks. They try to take a short cut and violate immigration regulations and get caught.. The New York Woodlands and other Indian eateries went the regular way and were able to take many cooks in the past. Saravanas policy in recruting appears to be crooked.

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lurker January 17, 2010 at 7:13 pm

“I have found that no matter what the age – they all have issues. ”

Yes, they have. And you also have: you have a kid, what decreases the amount of men interested in having a serious relationship with you. Men are not enthusiastic about marrying a woman with a kid who is not their own.

Not that it is impossible for you to find true love. But if I was you, I would stop being so damn picky. Nobody is perfect and you are not a trophy wife either.

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morris December 24, 2010 at 8:51 am

single – married-divorced -single – kids – married – divorced THEN whamo found the most amazing guy! When I wasn’t looking…thats the key relax and enjoy your free time doing something you enjoy LOVE is found in the most unexpected places,,,When you mention CHANGE thats not the word its GROW If ur 100% happy with who u are NO REGRETS at all! then relax be you and your psitiveness will attract – you can NEVER change anybody and if you want to after meeting move on,,you must not only like,be friends first then lovers etc what matters regardless of age is how you both GROW together in body,mind and soul – good luck there

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susan June 4, 2011 at 5:28 am

and it’s even harder when you’re in your 40’s! it’s sure true that the ‘pool’ shrinks dramatically, but where once i would have said NO WAY to someone (still)not married or with kids, in some ways I can see the benefits – no ex, no grown, or semi-grown kids (and thus the dreaded blended family). more time for me and my children, hopefully some financial stability.
And as for younger, well I can also see the benefits there too – energy, self awareness, and with any luck less bedded un old-man habits!

Certainly my red-flags are well in place, but i am possibly more open minded than i was a year ago.
My current life was hard won and I’m happy with it, and I understand the different between ‘need’ and ‘want’…no wI just have to figure out if I want it badly enough.

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What? June 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm

What? I have been following your blog for about 2 years now. I’m a single mom in grad school. I enjoyed most of your stuff but… definitely, not this one.

You started off sounding open minded and concluded with only date single dads or really younger guys? Seriously? What? Weird ending.

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What? June 14, 2011 at 10:57 pm

PS. You don’t expect people to see you have a huge red flag for being a single mom… and you should not. Yet, you are doing some major stereotyping and grouping of people yourself. Yes, I am sure you are not like a single mom from teen mom. Not all single moms are what society paints so horrendously… so, why do you even blog about something like this? Who do you think you are?

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susan September 4, 2011 at 4:36 am

my step father married my mum at 36. he had never been married, never lived with a woman, and didn’t have kids.
they’ve now been happily married for 32 years.

one of my best friends also despaired of meeting a good man. at 40 she met him. he was 22. shés 50 in a few weeks and they are blissfully happy.

i’ve been sole parenting for 3 1/2 years and have had a few dates and one less than successful longish liason. I’m beginning to think that the childfree guy might be my best option – exes, kids, it’s all so flipping difficult. i’ll work on the hopeful premise that he just hasn’t met the right girl yet;)

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What attracts men April 17, 2013 at 4:34 pm

All men are taken and if they are not they are gay!

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dating tips for short guys August 29, 2014 at 6:11 am

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Lorn September 5, 2014 at 7:22 am

I disagree with your post about not dating men if they haven’t had kids or been married. Some people don’t want marriage–it doesn’t mean they are commitment phobic. There is more than one way to commit to someone without having to sign a contract. Another thing, men who are over thirty or forty and not married with kids doesn’t mean they don’t want that but might have not found anyone they want to settle down with.

You need to expand your horizons and quit buying into fairytale ideologies that are keeping you single. What you should be concerned with is finding someone who is a great partner and surrogate father to your child. If marriage is what you want then find someone into that. Don’t categorize single men over a certain age bracket with having something wrong with them simply because they don’t fall in-line with your expectations.

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