Oh, those married people…

by mssinglemama on October 15, 2007

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

My friend Dave popped over this afternoon. We were pondering why we’re both still single at the ripe, yet should be married age of 28. Then I asked the question – “do you know any happily married people? I mean truly happy.” He raised an eyebrow and said, “one.”

I’ve known more than one, actually several, but I have yet to see a couple as in love as my parents were. People used to ask me when I was a kid, “how do your parents do it? They are just so…” I would jump in here, “madly in love!” Yes, my parents were actually addicted to each other, lived for each other and were each other’s light and day. I am using the past tense because my father died of cancer 8 years ago. My mother has never been the same.

I just can’t seem to get myself away from this thought – why are people so afraid to let go, make it work – whatever the cost to their ego or pride – and love each other like my parents did? Why don’t I see happy couples frequently? Maybe they’re all just hiding because they’re so happy. I picture them in hidden mountain bungalows giving each other endless back rubs.

What I need is someone who looks at Benjamin and I like my father looked at my mother and us. He looked at us like we were the most amazing things he’d ever seen – day after day – night after night.

Have you ever seen that kind of love?

My mother and father actually met on a train. He saw her, played a few staring games and then walked right up to her seat.

“Hi,” he said. “Shut up,” she snapped back. Mom was sick of men hitting on her in public. Dad persisted and it only took her a few moments to be swept off of her feet. Here’s a pic of the happy couple after their wedding.

This is the real deal

»This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Federico November 1, 2007 at 7:52 pm

Absolutely positively could there be LESS of a doubt that man is your father? Identical! :-)

Great pic…

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ed August 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Your mom is gorgeous I can see why your dad was persistent and had to have her.

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Khimmy January 29, 2015 at 2:42 am

Hello,I don’t really have a big issue attacrtting men, its connecting on a different level than their attraction to me and finding the right man. I did not have such a big issue in my 20 s getting dates I was very bold in stating my needs and cut people off quick. I went out often and had lots of dates. Now in my 30 s I doon’t like dates b/c when I get a bad date it takes a ong time to move n from the disapointment. This occurred after ending a 10 year relationship. Its taking so long to heal the scars and guilt from getting out and leaving him and all the fear and doubts I allowed him to put in my mind about finding real happiness without him. Now my issue with dating is procrasnitation I keep going back and forth about deciding do I want a man in my life b/c of my ex as well as a bad relationship from online dating a year and half ago. From those experiences I realize that I allowed myself to settle simply b/c the man was very persistant and all into me. However, I like the attention. I tried for years to change him to be refined and so on. That Paterrn of fixing men stayed even after I left. They pulled me to be what they want and I feel it brings me down b/c I settled in the first place. It has been a tug of war with me trying to uplift them, break thier addictions and/or give them ambition. It has been very frustrating ending with us both feeling resentful and feeling controlled. I broke if off the 10 year relationship 4 years ago and started dating 2 years ago here and there. I have learned that I was afraid to really love based on past heart breaks in college.I allowed my ex of 10 years and other guys in forthat unconscous reason to avoid heartbreak. I settled b/c would not love deeply. However, I end up feeling controlled b/c thee guys really like me and fight to keep me then feel trapped. I am starting to stop the habit of dating a guy just to have something to do b/c I’m bored or stressed out or because he is persistant or b/c I am lazy to go out of my way to meet men that I really want. However, now that I want a family and a more fullfilling relationship, I can’t afford to just be pulled in by men I don’t want to be with for the rest of my life or b/c I just think a guy is cute or whatever. Even in the past few years of being single I find that these types of men don’t let go easily even if they don’t want marriage they might want convient sex and block my opportunity for love when they feel me pulling away. It takes too much energy to allow myself to encounter this level of toxicity, indecision and or insecurity. I need to have faith that a guy with most of the thing I need is out there, sexual attraction on some level, intelligence, ambtion, some level of success and stability and a good personality who is ready to be in a long term thing. I guess I need to start dating again and to do a little more work knowing a guy while still dating others without sex. Also I need to keep moving forward and procrastination stops me. Also I look alot yunger than mid 30 s and so I attract young men who are not what can provide stability and also I stopped clubing b/c those guys are notfor me so its harder to find guys. I’m not a big fan of the net b/c those guys I have met seem to be the most needy. Moreover, my thoughts about the likelihood of getting a great life with a man vs a mediocre one are a bit negative. Also with also have an issues with setting boundries in the beging b/c at times I don’t want to hurt the guys feelings and for the guys i do like I’m afraid they will go away so I might allow some stuff not sex of course . I have good dates when I allow myself to only go out with men that i’m at least a bit excited about. That is very rare that I find a guy who I want. At times I act too needy and then I don’t use my head b/c he can be toxic or whatever. In learning to have faith I am able tocut off even the guys I get excited about if they don’t want same thing that I want instead of allowing them to use me hoping to get love envetually. My biggest issue with any type of date is ending the date gracefuly without the man pushing my boundries sexually or feeling that i dismissed him and am not that into him. Then later feeling angry at him and venting it out of fear that he is no good and ending it. That was alot. The last paragrapgh is where I am now. I need to put myself in places to meet guys on my level of education and not get so upset at them if the test my boundries ,but, set boundries and keep dating many men who are similar to what I feel I can envetually marry and be happy with. My dates end up being a disaster when

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