E-harmony Dating Review: for the single parent or any other dater

by mssinglemama on October 15, 2007

eharmony.jpgLet me preface this by saying, I went into this online dating thing with total enthusiasm and a very open mind. After all, I’ve heard that friends of friends have actually gotten engaged after meeting online. And with very little free time on my hands – why not try it out?

I started out as a voyeur.

I would scope out the men on Match.com. They all looked like loser players, so I moved on to eHarmony. Those commercials are just so enticing. Could those people be real? They have to be, right? So I sign up.

I take the super personality tests of all personality tests and then wait as my matches come in. Some are 47, some are 37, some are fishermen living in Alaska, others are construction workers in my own back yard. Not that I have anything against fishermen or construction workers or older men. But I’m looking for a young professional, college educated, like-minded individual, not someone who I clearly would have nothing in common with.

I check my match settings. They’re set at preferences the system is clearly ignoring.

There are a few interesting men who do pop into my inbox…so I e-mail them. I wait, days, weeks and never hear a word. Then I realize – these men probably signed up for free and then jumped the boat. Or, even worse, they were probably paying members years ago. The thing about eHarmony is that you actually have to turn your matching off when you cancel your membership, otherwise they keep you in the system. It’s why they can boast so many “active” members and keep sending you dozens and dozens of useless new matches each day.

I actually e-mailed eHarmony telling them I thought their matching system was crap. They wrote me a long winded e-mail back telling me I needed to expand my matching preferences. They refused to give me a refund of my $110 membership fee. So, I stayed on, after all I had paid for three months – why not use it?

Recently I found a match that peaked my interest. A single dad, college educated, cute and his profile description was intriguing. We meet for a lunch date. A nice, safe lunch date. This after talking on the phone several times. He shows up, I stand up, and I’m towering above him.

“Oh, damn,” I think. “Why in the hell did I wear these heels?”

He was very, very sweet and it was a nice lunch – but there wasn’t an ounce of chemistry. Our personalities couldn’t have been more incompatible. So much for the eHarmony matching “system.” I’ll keep you posted if I do find compatible matches, but so far it has been a joke.

I will say – if you are going to try online dating – go with a site where you can search profiles yourself. And there is no personality matching system that can beat your own gut instinct.

If you are new to eHarmony you must read this post on the eHarmony Blog (yes, there’s a blog on eHarmony. It’s fantastic. Consider it the eHarmony bible. Go now by clicking here.)


Check out PlentyofFish.com, it’s quickly becoming the most popular online dating web site out there because – it’s FREE. I haven’t tried it myself (no need as I’m now in a fantastic relationship – fyi – I met him in a bar, the good old fashioned way).

Another great place to scope out all of the single men or women who have profiles posted in your area is Oodle.com. Go to personals and search by zip code, the site lists all of the people with profiles in your area. Pretty spiffy.

And then there’s always MySpace – also free. Most of my twenty-something friends meet their men here…send them a friendly message or two and then exchange numbers.

My friend have also had a lot of luck on Yahoo Personals…cheaper than Match and easier to use.

┬╗This website has moved to MsSingleMama.com.

Why? Because this single mom outgrew the old space – so get your but over here to see the latest from Ms. Single Mama!

Related posts:

  1. Single Mom Night Out
  2. Being a Single Mom With a Glass Half Full

{ 4 trackbacks }

E-Harmony Really Does Suck: Worst web site of the year by Time Magazine « Ms. Single Mama
December 10, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Try SingleParentLoveLife.com for Free. « Ms. Single Mama
January 15, 2008 at 1:39 am
Why online dating gets a bad name… « Ms. Single Mama
April 28, 2008 at 8:11 pm
E-Harmony’s Matches are Dead Wrong | Ms. Single Mama
August 14, 2008 at 6:32 pm

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

mssinglemama March 1, 2008 at 4:07 am

Thanks Dads House! I’ll check yours out too!


Level_Headed August 5, 2008 at 4:20 pm

Before recommending PlentyofFIsh, I’d HIGHLY recommend you try it first (to keep your reputation in tact).

FREE=nothing but a cesspool of individuals who CAN’T afford any other means of online dating.

If dating Middle Aged, Less Affluent, No College Education is your choice of date,
by all means have at it, however NOTHING has come close in the “utter disappointment” I’ve experienced with PlentyofFish. (thank God, I never wasted dime on the site or in person dates).


dating guide May 15, 2009 at 1:42 pm

I would have to agree with you, welfare dating is becoming popular but that doesnt mean its successful for the daters other then the dating site in most of the cases.


passingobserver August 9, 2009 at 11:07 am

I find it strange that someone would complain that they “towered over their date”. Didn’t you check out their height BEFORE you went on the date? If height was an issue, why did you agree to date a shorter man anyway?

Which brings me to another point. Many women complain that there are “no good men out there” but the fact of the matter is there are good men out there that are ruled out without a second look simply on demographics and statistics they can do nothing about, like height. Yeah, I know that’s life. You can’t help how short you are. But it is a fact that women say 5’8 and taller are reluctant to consider shorter men. So while they complain about “lack of good men” the bottom line is that it is their own preferences creating some of the “shortages”. Let’s be candid.. we all do it..

E-Harmony i what it is. I agree that their matching system sucks. WHy invest all that time in a long questionaire when you will get such crappy matches? That’s why I don’t use e-harmony.

ANd finally the reality of the dating scene is that there are plenty of people out there competing. If you think you are hot stuff, you will soon find you are not so hot besides 100 other profiles that basically look like yours. I agree with the author. Don’t rely on any matching system. Use a service where you yourself can build your own matches in detail, and would add- stop looking for perfection with these long shopping lists, and unrealistic fantasy pictures of what he or she “should” look like, earn, etc.. etc.

It’s not going to work for a long term thing and often not even short-term. Remember there are hundreds just like you out there. Your best bet is to start without too many expectations and unrealistic fantasies, and perfectionist shopping lists. Be flexible and realistic. Have just a few core, “bottom line” things you are looking for, not long shopping lists.. Yeah, I know we’ve heard it all before but…


Hmm September 24, 2009 at 3:37 pm

I agree with passing observer about the whole height thing. I am a woman, and it sort of appals me when I see other women write off perfectly good short men. I’m 5’8″; my last boyfriend was far shorter than I was, and I had so many friends (and even my mom) say that they couldn’t believe I went for such a short guy. Who cares? Height is the last thing one should be picky about. It’s something a person absolutely can’t control–unlike weight or general health or general upkeep. THAT’S the one thing that drives me crazy about men my age (late 20s early 30s)–they really let themselves go in terms of weight and appearance …. which would be fine if they didn’t expect physical perfection from women.

Totally agree about eHarmony tho–it is quite possibly the most insulting, paternalistic, anti-woman, sexist dating site I’ve ever joined, and I’ve even been a member of religious sites. But Eharmony really thinks it knows best about men and women. For one thing, I’ve never been matched with someone more than a year or so younger than I am, but I’ve been matched with guys who are 13 or 14 years older. Why? Because eHarmony has decided that older men and younger women are “more compatible.” So, say I’m 29–I apparently have more “combatibility” with a 43-year-old than I do a 27-year-old. Right.

eHarmony, as others have said, also doesn’t take into consideration vastly different education levels. I have a PhD … I’ve been matched with paramedics, HVAC repairmen, truck drivers, home health aides, etc. I have nothing against people who do such professions, but come on–I thought the goal here was to be “compatible.” I know few successful couples who have such vast differences in education and profession–why didn’t eHarmony uncover that little secret while doing all their research?

eHarmony also doesn’t allow you to specify or figure out whether or not your match has been married before or has children. You can only specify whether or not you want someone who has children under the age of 18 living in their home. Again–good for men, bad for women. Most of the time women are the primary caretakers of young children, so they get the shaft, while men who technically don’t have any kids “living in their home” are free to be matched with whomever.

And then there are the creepy questions and “must haves/can’t stands” about sex. If eHarmony’s question-and-answer sessions are supposed to simulate a real first date, they couldn’t be more clumsy and awkward. How many first dates have you been on where the guy said, “So how do you feel about premarital sex?” or “By the way, I MUST HAVE someone who enjoys having sex on a regular basis.” WTF. If the purpose is to weed out the creeps, I suppose it works.


- December 17, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Aol! i’m keen it all!


Fooled Guy March 20, 2012 at 12:44 am

eHarmony sucks ass. I don’t like Average thur Obese women. I’m healthy, I want the same from my mate.

The whole “dimensions” of compatibility is code for fat chicks wanting love. “We don’t discriminate by body type” is the reply I got.

Match has serial daters and semi-prostitutes. Meet people in the real world and have some freaking values.


Jeremy March 14, 2013 at 1:47 am

Dating is hard no matter where you meet people. There are a lot of nut cases online as well as in bars. If you are going to use a dating site ask your prospective date enough questions that you can use one of the free background checks. You wont get much from a free search but enough that you can do a google search and see if there is anything negative on the web.


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Bentayan February 3, 2015 at 9:53 am

Hey Gina, thanks so much for the thhufotgul response. I am so happy for you by the way. I know when i read yours and Bri’s story it seemed pretty instant in terms of the connection of obvious chemistry. I sometimes have a hard time letting chemistry free but also distinguishing between superficial physical chemistry and chemistry that is more deeply rooted. Agreed that age alone didn’t kill mr. energy and i or in other words, that i should avoid all younger dudes based on this experience. Im still torn on the lifestyle front. I dont want it to matter and it may not matter much for everyone but i do think it matters to a degree. especially life philosophy. can’t wait to catch up on your blog when i get back!


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