Single Mom Night Out

by mssinglemama on October 12, 2007

Monday night is my one free night of the week.

It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!

My date was interesting, to say the least.

I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.

This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…

The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”

He looks at me and kisses me.

Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.

“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.

I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.

“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.

UPDATE

The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelly October 17, 2010 at 1:30 am

So true! Last line of this entry. I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.

Thank you for sharing.

Kelly

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Max January 5, 2011 at 9:36 pm

This is what I’m talking about, you are insane.
Reasons sane people won’t ask after your kid;
1. He’s known you for a total of 4 evenings. Presumably he’s never met the kid.
2. Kids puke all the time, it’s no big deal.
3. Why did you even bring this topic up to the guy you’re dating?
4. The kid already has two parents to look after him.
5. Obviously the kid is fine or you would not be spending time talking to this guy (or you would have mentioned something is wrong).

And I don’t have time to cover the sheer madness and insulting remark you made to him that things have to be heading somewhere. Add a kick in the pants to that earlier slap (figuratively of course – the literal version would be 20 years of Common-Sense School).

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Same guy April 26, 2011 at 9:57 pm

I agree with Max. I guess the new “rule” while dating a single mom is that, guy should fake sincerity about “how is kid’ etc.. nice way to form your own red flags . but then again, it’s good for you if it works for you.

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Rosalyn May 13, 2011 at 2:31 am

I am not looking forward to “testing them out….to find one” ugh.

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linda January 29, 2013 at 12:26 am

this is so hard !! i got a baby and her dad really hurt me, i just want to know if im ever going to be happy with another man, i mean, how do you get there?? obviously at first there’s a lot of fear but how do u get to be ok and move on? i feel no man is ever gonna marry me, i need help

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John May 19, 2013 at 12:30 am

I will not date anymore single moms. You all think your kids !@#$ doesn’t stink.

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stephane comtois March 22, 2014 at 9:01 pm

Where does a single dad meet a single mom, I will only date a single mom cause they know what its like being a parent, but where are they????

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