Monday night is my one free night of the week.
It’s the night Benjamin’s father comes. So, I get to go out and have a worry-free night. This week was Monday night #3 with the new man person in my life. I put on my super-hot outfit, kissed Benjamin good-bye and left. He and his father were jumping up and down in the living room jamming to the Fratellis and all was right in the world. Time for this single mom to have some fun!
My date was interesting, to say the least.
I really like this guy and we have major potential but in the past three weeks I have been over-calling him and freaking out. This is new to me. I never used to be like this. I would play by “the rules” and carry out the proper dating etiquette. But, I head out, determined to have a great date and to try and forget all of the crazy confusion I’ve been feeling.
This desperation I’m feeling comes and goes, but when I have a man in my sights I just freak out – thinking – this could be it. It could all be over. Mr. Prince Charming is finally here. I build them up in my minds, then they come crashing down and – poof – he turns into a frog. That aside…
The night develops and he basically calls me out on my nervousness. I tell him – “Every second I spend with you is time spent away from my son and my friends. I only have one or two nights out a week. So I have to know it’s heading somewhere.”
He looks at me and kisses me.
Tells me I look stunningly beautiful and my knees buckle. I’m lost, gone. So far away from mommy land. We finish up our night of bar hopping and head back to his place. I was so caught up in the moment that I left my purse down in his kitchen and didn’t hear the several missed calls from my ex. Woke up in the morning, had more amazing sex, and then dashed home. My mascara running down my eyes, my outfit still hot but wrinkled and smelling of bar smoke.
“What am I doing?” I ask myself. But, I have to do this. If I don’t do this dating thing and if I don’t have time to spend with someone how will I ever actually end up with someone? So I’m rationalizing, justifying and feeling incredibly guilty the entire way home.
I walk inside and there is my Ex, with some horrible news.
“Benjamin puked twice last night.” What!!!???? He has never puked in his little life and I wasn’t there. But, Benjamin survived the experience and so did his father. I feel like an awful mother though for not being there…but at the same time I feel refreshed and happy because I had such an amazing time last night. I don’t think I’m alone. Feeling torn goes with the territory of singlemomdom…ultimately we will have to test men out in order to find one.
The little fling with this particular man person ended less than one week later. Why? I told him about Benjamin puking and he didn’t even bother to ask how he was feeling. Red flag. Weak in the knees or not, I don’t want a man who doesn’t care or even pretend to care about my son.
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