Hello, my lovelies.

by mssinglemama on August 30, 2014

It’s been a while. How are you, my beautiful readers?

So many of you are still here, finding this blog at the start of your journey as a single mom as you type in a search term looking for answers and support. Know that I miss you always, think of you constantly and wish I could be here, writing more. But life has to be lived right now.

Believe it or not, I miss my days as a single mother. Or maybe, I just miss my twenties. Either way… I miss you back.  But that was then and this is now. My “now” now involves our new baby, my not so little Benjamin, my two step children, the love of my life and my business. Phew. There’s a lot. BUT, I took a few hours tonight to finally, publish Ms. Single Mama Uncensored again.

I took the original eBook down years ago because it was such a hassle to manage and for you all to download and read. I still receive emails from readers weekly asking for a copy – so, here it is… Ms. Single Mama Uncensored for the Kindle on Amazon. If you don’t have a Kindle there is a Kindle app for the iPhone and probably for the Android, although don’t hold me to that.

Also, I haven’t read this in ages.

I need to re-write the ending and a bunch of other things, so stay tuned for an updated version.  ;  )

Download Ms. Single Mama Uncensored here. 

If you missed the details here they are:

The blog is just the beginning.

In Ms. Single Mama Uncensored the secrets are out. In the book you’ll find out…

  • How my ex-husband and I met and fell in love
  • More about the illusive Biker, my first single mom romance
  • Read the story about my first single mom crush
  • What really happened with Mr. Man
  • Why my fling with Cabin Man was so short lived
  • Details on how to have a happy and healthy sex life as a single mom along with tips on dating including touchy issues like when to tell him about your single mom status and when to introduce him to the kids.

BUY AND DOWNLOAD NOW ON AMAZON.

What people are saying about Ms. Single Mama Uncensored (the eBook):

“There’s no difference to me between this book and something on a shelf at Barnes & Noble. I bought it and have been devouring in big gulps for the past few nights. Thank you!” – Jen C. of Follow Your Bliss ”

“OMG…I can NOT stop reading your book. You’re an INCREDIBLE writer. I’ve loved your blog all along – but your book is truly, truly incredible. I am healing so much in so many ways just by reading your experiences and knowing, once and for all, that I too will be ok. Thanks for putting your heart on your sleeve for the rest of us single moms!!!” – Ericka Sevilla, on Facebook.

“For anyone who is on the fence on whether or not to buy this book…DO IT! I am also a single mother and since i am only 21 i do not have any single mama friends to discuss the different experiences and emotions that we go through with, but reading this book has helped me in SO many ways! Everything that Alaina talks about while telling her story is something that any single mother can relate to. For me at least, it seemed like this book was custom made for me. I believe that after you read her whole uncensored story that those of you who haven’t really started to heal can finally begin the process, and those of you who aren’t single mama’s can truly appreciate what a single mama has to go through to be also be a GREAT mama! Thank you so much Alaina for sharing this story with us! I obviously LOVED it!” – Chelsea

A true page-turner this book pulls no punches. Ms. Sheer recounts stories from her personal life with humbling candor, drawing readers in with all the confidence of a best friend. Central to the theme of this book is Ms. Sheer’s emphatic advice to each and every single mom searching for Mr. Right. That advice? Love yourself. We’ve all heard it, plenty of us have brushed it off, but none of us have had it phrased quite so convincingly as Alaina Sheer has done in this book.” – Jennifer Parker, Boise Examiner

“On the outside, you seem so put together: smart, beautiful, successful, confident, and (now) in love. You are, indeed, all of those things, but the e-book also shows a very the human side of you: an everyday, normal woman, with the same obstacles, mistakes made, lessons learned, worries, and disappointments. Despite what you have gone through, you remained strong for yourself and Benjamin–and in telling your story, you also give other single moms, dads, and everyone else HOPE. That is truly inspiring.” – Jen C.

“Old posts are mixed with new stories and her insights and revelations fill the gaps, creating a smooth, easy to follow glimpse into her world. Sheer invites you into her world, and while I am not single nor a mother, the underlying themes of trusting and believing in yourself rang true to my heart. Ms Single Mama finds a way to balance romantic optimism with the realities of daily life, all the while ensuring the needs of her son Benjamin are met. As both Benjamin and her confidence grow, she slowly heals from her previously chaotic life.” – Amanda, Stack of Spines

 

Enjoy… 

xoxo,

Ms. Single Mama

P.S.

Find Seth and I on our new blog, or follow me on Instagram @alaina_gray

 

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The big announcement…

by mssinglemama on May 17, 2013

We have some rather big news, coming in a teeny, tiny package. More details on Beauty and the Biker. 

xoxo

Alaina

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Love from a reader and another single mom.

by mssinglemama on March 15, 2013

I love hearing from you, my readers. I receive so many, it is hard to respond to all of them. Know that I do try.

This email from Madison had to be shared. The fact that my blog helps all of you feel more confident, empowered, and inspired fills me with so much hope and happiness. You are all beautiful. You will all be loved again (by your true match). And, you are NOT alone.

Here’s Madison’s email… And she even attached a picture. 

Dear Alaina,

I stumbled onto your blog late one night while I was researching single mom dating statistics. lol. Classic right? A lonely single mom looking for validation from the web. I found validating and warm reassurance while reading your posts. Your positive attitude and honesty about your journey is inspiring. Sometimes I feel like I will never make it through this deep and dark era as I face motherhood alone. Then sometimes I hear/read stories like yours that give me a little push that I so badly need in the positive direction.

My name is Madison. I am 24 years old and single mom to two beautiful twin girls.. I never planned on being a single mom of course, but I was young when I got married and put up with an abusive husband for one year. I found myself with newborn twin daughters to raise at 20 and I somehow have made it this far. I am happy, brave, hopeful for our future but sometimes I need assurance that I am doing ok. I waitress and work as a secretary at a hospital and when my girls start Kindergarten this year, I can go back to school as I wont be paying a fortune on daycare anymore.

Between sleepless nights with sick little ones, and crying in my closet while I eat my secret stash of peanut butter M&M’s, I have become a real strong lady. I have survived these last 4 years by a customers generous 15.00 tip and by moms like you that stay positive. Thank you so very much mssinglemama, for giving me hope and for sharing your happiness with the web!

xo.

Madison

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How do you let go? On shared custody.

by mssinglemama on February 20, 2013

One of the most challenging aspects of single motherhood, or single parenthood, is adjusting to shared custody.

In many cases, as mine was until recently, you are legally obligated to send your child into your ex-spouse’s home regardless of whether or not your gut instinct is screaming at you that something is just “not right” about a step-sibling in the house or a step-parent or even their biological parent. You, in most cases, have to pack your child’s bag, put him into his or her little car seat and drive them directly into the Lion’s Den. Your child comes home, an emotional wreck. In Benjamin’s case, filthy, hungry and exhausted to boot.

Now, I am a bit jaded–from my own personal ex-experience being so downright awful–but there are obviously many situations that aren’t nearly as bad.  There are dreamy ex-spouses who actually communicate with you for the children’s sake, drop them off on time and pick them up on time. Feed them, clothe them, support them and continue to be a supportive co-parent by always putting the children first. I have yet to meet one of these, but I hear they exist.

So, what do you do when you have no options legally? In my case, it took something actually happening to Benjamin for us to be able to receive full custody with zero unsupervised visits at his father’s home. I can’t get into details, but it has been a harrowing ordeal, to say the least. All of those years my gut instinct was right. I regret ever sending him there. I regret not acting like a mad woman and hiring a fierce attorney to keep him from ever spending the night there. But, I can’t go back in time, only forward… and am relieved that it is over in a sense. No more sharing for this mama.

What advice do you have for each other on surviving the ex hand over? Any coping mechanisms you have learned that you can share with new single moms? Or do you just want to vent.

Do so in the comments. Can’t wait to read your thoughts on this.

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A New Relationship: How to Tell the Kids

by mssinglemama on January 13, 2013

My single mama friend called me last night.

“Hey lady, I really need your advice on something,” she sounded fearful and scared. I thought the worst. Maybe she and her new man were breaking up.

“Charles and I are definitely going to get engaged,” they just know – as Seth and I did- that they are meant to be. And it’s lovely.

“That’s so exciting! I’m so happy for you. So, what’s the problem?”

“He will be moving in with us in December. So, it’s a long ways away, but I’m scared about how to tell Sarah. It’s always just been the two of us. What will it be like? Will she be upset? How did you tell Benjamin?”

She sounded so worried and concerned. Just this fact alone, told me her heart and head were in the right place. If a mother cares that much about her child’s transition into a new relationship, all will definitely be fine. I have met too many mothers over the years who put their relationships over their children. Welcoming, with open arms, ex-boyfriends who abused them or men who cheated on them back into their lives and their child’s lives. It’s upsetting, to say the least.

My friend’s daughter, Sarah, is in Kindergarten. A sweet, quiet, little girl who has never seen her mother with any boyfriend, not even her father. Here was my advice to her:

Read the rest here, on Beauty and the Biker.

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Which is worse? Single motherhood or an unhappy marriage?

by mssinglemama on December 9, 2012

This is a question I have attempted to address head on in several past posts. But now that I am blogging here less frequently and spending all of my blogging energy on Beauty and the Biker, I wanted to leave a post up for a while that would spark comments and hopefully a vibrant discussion.

So, please chime in with your opinion:

Which is worse?

Being unhappily married or being a single mother?

For you? And finally, for the kids?

My answer – as you all may know – is that it is far easier to be a single mother than to be unhappily married. But, everything is relative. I had an emotionally abusive ex-husband who contributed nothing into the relationship. I also only had one child. From where I was sitting, being away from him was the only viable option toward ever finding happiness. I just knew it would never work between us.

There have been studies which have found that children raised in happy homes are happier, regardless of if those homes are one parent or two parent households.

What about you? What are your thoughts on this?

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New Leaf Necklaces (the Next Generation)

by mssinglemama on November 18, 2012

Designed by me this time, inspired by you. 

The new leaf necklaces are upgraded and made with pure sterling silver and 14K gold charms. And from what I can tell, the only jewelry created just for single mothers. We all wear them together and I believe they give us strength and inspiration. Even if we just know that other single mothers are wearing them.

What the charms mean:

The larger leaf – you
The smaller leaf – your child (and you can order extras if you have more than one)
The swallow – freedom from your ex and your past marriage
The heart – the hope in finding new love or having found it

I hope you love these as much as I do. Get your orders in now before Christmas! Shop here in our Etsy shop. 

Also, don’t miss Seth’s hand-made leather bracelets for the man in your life. They’re pretty awesome.

Have you been over to Beauty and the Biker yet?

It’s my new blog about blended families after divorce and re-marriage, and I am still doing lots of thrift give aways. Up for grabs now is this cute zebra clutch/wallet.

 Click here and visit the post. Leave a comment and you’re entered to win.

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When do you give up on single mom dating?

by mssinglemama on November 4, 2012

Here’s an interesting question from a Facebook fan. This question, by the way, could have come from me a few years ago, or from many single mom friends I know who are struggling with dating right now.

The question is from Sarah, a dating single mom…

Alright, I’m about to give up! I’ve done the online dating thing. I meet GREAT guys, but none that I click with. They have everything I’m looking for, but there is zero passion and zero chemistry… And it seems like I’m the only one who notices it. The one person I clicked with is separated (which I kinda have a rule about not dating people who are not completely “un-married,” which I broke) and he was really scarred from his marriage.

I ended it because I knew it was doomed – he needed time to heal. I raise my daughter solo (bio dad decided to bail totally 2.5 years ago) and I’m a teacher, so I have no time to go out and hope that Mr. Right will stumble into my life. I feel like I’m a catch (I mean this in the most humble way possible), but I can’t seem to find my soulmate! What gives? Please offer me some advice before I join a convent!

My advice to her… 

1. Keep going if you can.

Dating is tedious and painful and downright annoying sometimes, especially when you are waiting and hanging on for that big spark (rightfully so). But, it can be fun. Hear me out on this one. If dating is not fun for you–change your mindset. It is a chance for you to go out with your friends and meet new people (I recommend group dates on those precious Saturday nights when the sitter’s watch is ticking). It is also a chance for you to get yourself back out there.

2. Date for fun, not to find a husband. Re-align what you expect out of dating.

If your goal in dating is to find “The One” and meet your husband, you may be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Also, you could be coming off as too desperate to the men you do see. When I posted my OkCupid ad–the one Seth found–it said, in no uncertain terms, that I was not looking for a serious relationship. I wanted a person I could trust and have fun with, that could possibly lead to other things. My frame of mind was relaxed and I understood that, for me, dating was fun! And then, BAM, I met him and of course, knew right away he was the end of the line for this mama.

When you do re-align your mindset and define your dating goal in more realistic terms you can’t lose because you end up having more fun. And that’s really what it’s all about. Fun.

3. Remember to date yourself first. 

Dont’ ever forget my old advice to date yourself first. Treat yourself as you would want him to treat you. Read up on an old post I wrote on this subject– would you date yourself?

Other oldie but goodie posts on dating as a single mom. I know these will help:

Hope this helps, my Lovelies. Keep your chins up. And keep yourself out there or take that much needed time to yourself to just re-energize.

 

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New Leaf Jewelry

by mssinglemama on October 15, 2012

I’m bringing it back. But I need your input… click here and chime in.

 

 

 

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Did you choose to be a single mother?

by mssinglemama on September 22, 2012

A while back I asked you, my lovely readers, for some stories.

I have been writing here for years and now it is your turn. I want to hear from you–why are you a single mother? Why did you choose this path? Or was it chosen for you? How have you evolved? What are your greatest challenges? What are your greatest achievements?

I still believe, in my heart, that without my experience as a single mother, without taking a stand for myself and leaving a bad marriage–I would not have found the happiness I have today. There’s just no way. We choose our paths. Each of us is responsible for the decisions we make in our lives. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react. And becoming a single mother forges something in your heart that either brings you down or makes you stronger and better for it.

This post is from Nancy. Leave her your comments and cheer her on. I think this is beautiful.

On choosing single motherhood because of persistent tug in the gut.

By Nancy from BC, Canada

The single mama life came about to an unlikely target a few years ago. That target was me. Coming from a traditional, Portuguese Catholic family where life was mapped out for me- ie. - get married, make babies (yes, much like in My Big Fat Greek Wedding), it never really dawned on me that I’d be in this little pickle.

I suppose my streak of independence and stubborness and my sense of resilience, determination and positivity bit me in the butt, which ultimately contributed to the earth shaking news – that I wanted to leave my marriage.

I remember the first time I thought of leaving. I was washing my dishes on a beautiful summer day. My kids were happily muddling around the house when the thought crept inside my brain. Though I had spent numerous years in an unhappy state cheating myself thinking it was normal to live unhappily, I never gave the thought serious attention until that day. There was a brief moment of exhilaration or as Oprah would say, I had experienced an “a-ha” moment.

That moment quickly came crashing down when the over active left side of my brain poured out thoughts like, “That’s crazy,” or “Why leave? I have a

husband, two healthy kids, a house, money in the bank,” or the most powerful and dominating thought, “Everyone will think I’m crazy.” As I’m writing this, I can’t believe how this fake and debilitating thought has crippled so many decisions in my life. The thought to stay safe, do what I’ve been taught, and to not change. That moment I experienced while washing the dishes entered my body like the plague because no matter what I tried, whether it was a vacation for just the two of us or the counselling sessions we attended, the thought wouldn’t go away. I desperately tried to feel something to make me stay but that feeling never came.

I took a very long time to physically leave the marriage. Since my departure, I’ve had some low lows and some high highs, but one thing that has always kept me afloat is the tremendous support I feel from my friends and family and my kids. I’ve learned that showing support to someone about anything they want to do can really breathe new life into their lives. There are no crazy ideas, only brave ideas. There will always be a few people who feed off of gossip nourishing their own insecurities, but those people do not outweigh the ones who are knocking on my door and surprising me with a triple fudge brownie after a bout of sobbing or the ones who laugh with me over a glass of wine or the ones who come over and surprise me by washing my dishes and cooking dinner.

I’ve finally retired the negative thought “Everyone will think I’m crazy” and replaced it with “I could be crazy but I’m healthy, strong and happy. I’m really, really happy.” And if indeed I’m headed to a mental institution, well at least I’ll have a smile on my face. Besides, I hear they serve good cookies.

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