by mssinglemama on January 24, 2012
I know I will get blasted for this one. But, whatever, bring on the hate. This is reality, this is love and this is modern parenthood. We both put our children first and care about them more than anything in the world. What’s the most amazing of all is how much we have all fallen in love with each other.
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One of our hugs leads to a kiss.
When we open our eyes all three are staring up at us. Their heads tilted upwards and smiles spread across their faces. All of them, beaming the purest form of happiness. Collectively they look like a little cheering section for love.
I can’t grab a camera this moment will be over in a second. I just have to take it all in, studying their faces, studying his, little hands cover little mouths as they stifle giggles, “Look, they are kissing! Look!!! Heee heee.” 
[click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on January 14, 2012
Three years ago this May I quit my day job.
Some of you called me crazy, but most of you were cheering me on. I was “crazy” I guess. I left a solid career at a solid advertising agency during a recession to chase a dream of working for myself. Why? Because I was tired of trying to fit their rigid, corporate structure – and all of the bull that comes with it – into my life as a single mother. Try explaining 9-5 to a two year old who needs you more than anything in the world. And try explaining to a typical boss that motherhood is more important than their bottom line.
There was also the memory of my first boss and mentor walking out of our radio newsroom with a pile of boxes in his hands after he had been fired (for no good reason at all).
“Remember,” he said, “this is what they do to you after 16 years.” Watching him being forced to leave something he loved because he didn’t follow their rules was the most valuable lesson he every taught me.
There was also writing on the wall at my ad agency. They were trying to “accommodate” all of this “digital stuff.” Clearly they were missing the boat entirely and I was on their boat. It was the perfect time for me to break out on my own and seize an opportunity to offer my own clients what they clearly could not. Cement Marketing is the result. I work just as hard, but on my own schedule.
Even though I had a) motivation and b) a goal and a plan – it was still the most frightening thing I’d ever done (next to leaving my ex husband with a four month old). Funny how “leaving” things or “quitting” things that aren’t good for you can feel so right, isn’t it?
So many of you have asked me over the years to write about starting your own business as a single mom. I didn’t even know where to start… it would require another blog entirely. So, I turned to Jennifer Foss, aka Job Jenny. We met when we were both new single mom bloggers. Today, her website is bursting with resources and she’ll even help you re-design your resume and advise you on what career path you should choose.
I asked her to write about finding a new job in the new year… [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on January 9, 2012
And I absolutely love them all.
The Mr. and I were talking today about blending families. From our initial digging on Amazon, it doesn’t look like there are very many books on the subject for modern single parents.
Any others out there becoming step-parents or blending families with young children? Tips or advice? Or what questions do you have about it all? Let’s start the discussion here… and see where it takes us. I’m thinking another Website entirely could be in order. Maybe with both his and my perspectives?
by mssinglemama on January 3, 2012
It is our second date.
Our first date after our coffee date. So, in my mind, this is our first real date. I am wearing my favorite gray Calvin Klein dress. It’s just short enough, but not too short and hits mid thigh. To keep off the Fall chill I’m wearing my light brown suede jacket and–because I can–my pre-Benjamin stiletto booties.
I am proud of myself for picking out an outfit so quickly, considering how daunting it had been to get dressed before the coffee date.
He texts me that he is parked around the corner, behind the bushes, where I know Benjamin can’t spot him. I kiss Benjamin good-bye, wish the sitter good luck and dash out the door. Per the sound and logical advice of my girlfriends, we have waited four days to see each other again. But, it has felt like weeks. Typically four days would be nothing for me, a splash in the water, nothing. But on each night we’ve spend hours on the phone talking and each night, I’ve woken up at 3:00 or 4:00 AM wide awake with anticipation. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on December 22, 2011
Remember the single mom manifesto project?
I sent three of these out to over 150 of you and not one as returned.
I’m so sad about that, but I understand knowing that we are all busy and it seemed like a far fetch that we could pull it off. Or maybe they were lost in the mail…
Either way, I am still in love with the idea of gathering all of your declarations of your principles, the foundations you hold dear as a single mother – and then making them public. Sharing your story for others. What drives you? What guides you? The manifesto is all about you and what you believe.
The definition of Manifesto from Wikipedia – a manifesto is a public declaration of principles and intentions, often political in nature. Manifestos relating to religious belief are generally referred to as creeds. Manifestos may also be life stance-related.
I wrote mine in the books and sent it off. I had photos and everything. If you want to contribute your manifesto… write yours, scan it digitally (you can use the Pro Scanner app on your smart phone) and then upload it to my Facebook page as a photo – if you prefer to be more anonymous – email yours to mssinglemama@gmail.com with the subject line MANIFESTO. Everyone who submits one will then receive a password for a FREE Ms. Single Mama Uncensored eBook!
Sound good? Leave comments with questions if you have any. And Merry Christmas!!! Love you my Mamas.
by mssinglemama on December 11, 2011
The auditorium is full. We have all been called here for a special event, an hour assembly featuring a guest speaker.
A woman walked onto the stage with a man. The two were here to tell us about sex, or I should say – to tell us why we shouldn’t have sex. After the man showed us a photo of an aborted fetus the woman took another tact. She wanted to talk about what sex does to your heart.
“Let me tell you about a girl named Sally,” she said. “This here in my hands,” she holds up a giant red heart cut out of construction paper, “this is Sally’s heart. And one day Sally decides to have sex with Dave and then a piece of her heart is ripped and broken.”
She rips off a piece of the heart.
She keeps going through Sally’s sexual history until there is nothing left except for a tiny scrap of paper in her hands.
“And after all of them, this is all Sally had left. Because every time you have sex with someone, they take a piece of your heart and you will never have it back.” [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on November 28, 2011
I have an apology to make to New York City.
I am sorry for doubting you and jumping to conclusions after my last visit.
I’m not sure what happened, maybe it was the hot weather (100+) and the wrong neighborhood choice (Times Square), but this time I had a completely different experience. We were in Greenpoint, a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn, where my sister, Anna, and her husband, Ryan, are living until he finishes law school.
The first night Benjamin woke up and started puking. He had the flu, most certainly and unavoidably. And there we all were the next day, on Thanksgiving, staring at each other and wondering in horror when we would all start doing the same. That got old after the first hour so we proceeded as planned and Anna and Ryan made a delicious Thanksgiving Feast. [click to continue…]
by mssinglemama on November 23, 2011
I always pick books up, read a chapter or two, set them down for weeks and then pick them back up later to read a few more. If you recall a few posts back I recommended Gloria Steinem’s Revolution from Within. And as usual, I then didn’t finish it… but a few nights ago I started reading it again and flipped directly to the chapter titled Romance versus Love. I’ve attempted to write about the difference here and here – and it’s been a running theme on this blog. The big questions being – what is love, what does love mean to us as single moms, as single women and why do we always seem to choose the wrong men? Had I found this book then, I would have found that Steinem has already sorted it all out for us.
I wanted to share some of her thoughts, as I found them completely awesome.
It’s not easy to generalize about love. Like each person who feels its invisible filaments stretching to another person, it is unique in each instance. Unlike romance, whose plots are uniform enough to be conveyed by shorthand – “if-I-can’t-have-you-no-one-will,” “transitional affair,” “middle-aged crazy,” “the other woman,” “wartime romance,” and so on – love has no standard storyline and no agenda except to deepen the joys and cushion the blows of very individual lives. As Robin Morgan sums up in The Anatomy of Freedom, “Hate generalizes, love specifies.” And romance generalizes, too. When we look for a missing part of ourselves in other people, we blog out their uniqueness. Since most of us have been deprived along gender lines, we generalize about the “opposite sex”, thus rendering it a blank screen on which we project our hopes (in romance) or our fears (in hate). No wonder romane turns so easily to hate, and vice versa.
Steinem continues to write that, as described by those who experience them, the characteristics of love are remarkably similar to the marks of high self-esteem. You’ll have to pick up the book to read the details of each, but here are the characteristics of love:
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by mssinglemama on November 18, 2011
Just thought you would all like to see this mysterious guy who has me completely smitten.
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by mssinglemama on November 10, 2011
She is only a fresh seven years old. I cross my legs and sit down by her cousin’s Barbie house. There’s a party going on for her one year old cousin and even though I want to be meeting his family, I would rather – in this moment – be here with her.
There are three Barbies. The first is decked out in glittery jewelry and extremely put together, the second looks like she just stumbled out of bed after an extremely rough night and the third is just right, simple and cute.
I have my own feelings about Barbies. They are gross exaggerations of the female form, something no little girl should ever feel she should live up to or look like. Why are their breasts so large in proportion to their waists? Couldn’t Mattel make them just a hair more realistic? And then there are all of the good times I myself had with Barbie as a little girl. I loved them.
She starts by lining all three Barbies upstairs against a wall.
“What are they waiting for?” I ask.
“The Prince,” she says.
Then the Prince marches in and measures up the girls.
“He’s going to pick one,” she says.
After he’s made his choice and marched off with the Just Right Barbie, I am left holding the two single Barbies.
“We have to find them Princes,” she adds nonchalantly, as if it is part of the plan all along. [click to continue…]
