I just got home from my trip to Chicago.

The reason I went?

To meet this guy…

And he is just as remarkable as I had imagined.

That’s Matt freezing his ass off before we went to the top of the Hancock… and here’s me freezing my ass off , happy as can be just because I’m standing in front of a big happy tree.

There’s also something about this city that is beyond magical.

We only had one afternoon and evening to spend together but we also managed to meet up with this amazing single mom blogger (who I couldn’t snap a picture of because my camera’s battery died. URGH.)

Side note: If you live in Chicago keep your eye out for January 13th’s edition of the Red Eye, they interviewed me for an article on being a dating single mom. I’ll need someone to scoop up a copy for me…

I would write more but I’m going over to Mia’s house.

We’re going to watch Sex and the City (a momentary band aid for any woman who’s suddenly found herself single) and we’ll probably down an entire bottle of wine. Your comments to Mia’s “Letter to the Other Woman” have helped her tremendously. The letter has also been making it’s way across the internet — being posted as far away as Manila (I apparently have readers there - astonishingly beautiful readers by the way). I would link to them but it’s a password protected site.

Then tomorrow it’s off to pick up my little man… who is having the time of his life at Grandma’s - where today he spotted wild turkeys all on his own. How does a 2-year-old spot wild turkeys you ask? He sneaks off up the drive way - finds them hiding behind his uncle’s truck and then runs down the hill shouting in pure excitement to tell his Grandma. Amazing.

Life is pretty fucking remarkable if you think about it, despite all of the pain it throws at us.

Without the pain we would not be able to feel the joy. And if you hadn’t guessed by how excited I sound, this trip was just what I needed to snap myself out of my little New Year’s funk.

And to all of you lurkers who came out of the closet I’ve read every one of your comments… just amazed out how remarkable each and every one of you are - and I’m so incredibly flattered that you’re here.

To 2009 and to single parents… may this year bring us the strength to not just go on, but to make all of our dreams a reality.

Filed under: Cool Stuff, single mom, single parents | 29 Comments »

It doesn’t feel like New Year’s Eve.

Something is off and I’m not quite sure what. Maybe it’s the remnants of the flu or this nasty winter weather but my energy level has been much lower than normal. Perhaps I’m burnt out? It’s a very real possibility. I work like a mad woman.

If I’m not doing one thing, it’s another.

It starts every morning at 7:30 a.m. when Benjamin wakes up and it doesn’t end until 8:30 p.m. when I knock him out put him to bed. Goes a little something like this. Wake up. Get ready. Day care drop off. Work. Day care pick up. Dinner. Play time. Book time. Bed time. Blog time. Do over.

But in every single day - without fail - miraculous little happenings are sprinkled all over the place. New words, marvelous little creations, the sweet sound of him munching on his food, the hugs, the kisses and the “I love you too”s. And even in the worst moments, the times when I think I can’t take another second, all of those little happenings are on call because children have an endless supply of them.

All you have to do is ask for one.

How exactly do they do that? They’re all so perfectly remarkable.

Mine will turn three In 2009.

I can’t even begin to imagine how he’ll change this year, what he’ll teach me and show me. And as for me, I’m sure I’ll be changing as well. The moment we cease to change is the moment we stop living. That’s a quote from some philosopher or famous person - not quite sure who. But it’s so true.

Whatever happens I’m sure you’ll be hearing about it - because I love you. Each and every one of you. I just wish I knew who you were or why you read my blog. Hence…

My New Year’s wish! Tell me who you are.

I want to “meet” as many of you as I can. So leave a comment and introduce yourself. Please, dear lurkers, please come out of the closet. You can leave a comment anonymously. I promise I won’t bite.

If there’s anything you want me to write more about, let me know… give me some ideas for posts or just say “hi”. I don’t care what you do just let me know you are real humans.

—–

P.S.

I’ll be staying in on New Year’s Eve to rest up for a road trip to Chicago on New Year’s Day. Benjamin will be at his fathers and that should give me the 36 hours I need to make the trip there and back. I know, I’m crazy.

But there are some single parents there I absolutely have to meet. I’ll tell you who they are when I get back.

[Photo: Norman Rockwell's New Year's Eve]

Filed under: Uncategorized | 71 Comments »

Just floating thoughts in my head of what makes a man sexy (to a single mom, and therefore eventually to all women because most of us will be mothers). This man, by the way, is a figment of my imagination. And while I have dated different men who possessed at least one or more of these qualities I have yet to find the entire package.

But there’s definitely still hope - major hope! I’ll never lose that. If I compared this to my Sexy list pre-Benjamin days I think there would have been some big differences.

So here goes…

My Top 10 Things that Make a Man Sexy

1. The sight of him doing the dishes, sweeping the floor or mopping. Seriously, works like a charm.

2. Even better, him repairing broken things around the house or assembling Christmas toys or new furniture without complaint.

3. Making me laugh.

4. The simple worn flannel shirt never fails.

5. Boxer briefs or boxer shorts - NOT tightie whities (this, I believe, is universal).

6. Picking up the check but having the confidence to let me grab it every once in a while.

7. Creative play ideas for kids (this is THE real winner).

8. Ability to express emotion and feelings without losing his cool.

9. Just a subtle splash of cologne (don’t kill me please).

Read more »

Filed under: Beautiful Men!, Dating, sex and love | 16 Comments »

Mr. Man is still sending them to me, in letters and in voicemails.

He misses me and wants to do whatever he can to get back into our lives. I do miss him but I just can’t. Besides he’s far, far away now - off on that rocket ship - so we have some time to think about things. Seriously, he’s gone. That challenge I had alluded to in earlier posts about Mr. Man is happening right now.

Meanwhile Benjamin has yet to request Mr. Man’s presence or ask about his whereabouts. He seems completely satisfied with the rocket ship story. He also knows, because I tell him, that Mr. Man misses him. I’ve also been reading him parts of the letters he writes devoted exclusively to Benjamin.

Like this one:

To My Little Buddy, Benjamin;

Seems this trip to the moon is going to be a long one. I’ve seen some nice stuff along the way so far. The main thing is that we are all getting along together on the ship. There has been no biting, hitting or kicking. We also have this little boy on our ship about your age. His name is Huck. (This is a private joke between Mr. Man and I - I detest the name Huck, he claims to love it.)

Huck is trying to poop on the potty almost every night now. When ever Huck feels like he needs to go he comes to one of the adults and asks them to take him to the bathroom so he can try again, which is great because Huck used to go to his room to be by himself.

You let me know how you’re doing and I’ll pass the word on to Huck and when Huck has some luck you’ll hear from me. Okay?

I miss you Ben, and I hope you’re not sick anymore. Do me a favor and give your mom a big hug and kiss for me.

Benjamin is potty training by the way.

In this past week of fighting the diabolical flu I found Benjamin on the toilet twice. He’d carefully positioned his potty seat along with his stool and then jumped up there all on his own to go #2. I just heard him shouting from the bathroom, “Mommy, I POOOO - PEEEEEEE - on the POTTEEEEEE! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Read more »

Filed under: My little guy, mr. man, relationships | 13 Comments »

All of Benjamin’s life people have commented on his eyelashes.

“They’re from his father,” I say. They are amazing. Like little butterfly wings.

He also has his father’s body - his shoulders, his legs, his torso and even his little butt. But he has my smile, my eyes and my eyebrows. Like any mother, I day dream about what kind of a man Benjamin will become. But unlike most mothers, I hope against all hopes that, aside from the physical resemblance, that my son is nothing like his father.

——-

His father is the mysterious man who shows up once a week to pick him up for an overnight. We barely know each other any more. I can’t even remember what it felt like to be in love with him - I must have been delusional, I think. There’s nothing there now. Nothing at all. Just a shadow of the girl I used to be… a naive girl who would fall for a man and marry him on a whim because he needed a Green card.

Here’s the thing, when you’re a little girl and you dream of that damn prince and the castle you forget to dream about how he’ll be as a father. At least I did.

This dream surfaces, for some of us, in the form of a blinding nightmare because it’s after we’ve already had his child. And it dawns on us that we’ve bred with a rotten apple, a dud, a bad father. Read more »

Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Forgiving the Ex, The Father (My Ex), Uncategorized | 23 Comments »

‘Twas the night before Christmas in the Single Mom’s House.

Benjamin opened his first present this morning, a gigantic Mickey Mouse doll. I found it at the thrift store so I figured - why not? After jumping up and down like a maniac he told me to turn it on. Upon discovering that Mickey did not talk he threw him down the basement stairs.

And that my friends, is what Christmas is all about.

Hopes and dreams for a talking Mickey Mouse, only to be dashed by the hard reality that he’s just stuffed with fluff. I’m not sure when we’ll open the rest of his presents, but I hope they’re better received. We could do something generous like take all of his old toys to the Salvation Army but the flu has completely side swiped us. This is Day 4. I’m waiting to see if he pukes up his breakfast, and if not — we are going to brave the voyage to Grandma’s house. Read more »

Filed under: Striking thoughts, single mom | 16 Comments »

Because it just has to be said.

Last week I broke the news that my best friend Mia’s boyfriend and the father of her child is moving out. Catch up here if you missed it.

Your responses were overwhelming and she read everyone of them. Your thoughts, encouragement and advice meant the world to her and your insights were invaluable - so Thank You from Mia and myself.

Three days later she gave me this letter, “Can you publish this? Please - it’s therapeutic for me.”

Editor’s Note: On the non-capitalizing of The Other Woman’s name - “It’s not a typo,” she told me, “I refuse to give her the respect of capitalizing her first name.”

To molly, The Other Woman,

I remember meeting you last year with my entire family. I am sure you remember meeting me, along with my then 3 year old daughter Sydney. I made small talk with you about college and your plans for the future like one might do with someone younger, more naive about the world. You reminded me of myself at 23. That is how old I was when I met him. And at 24 I was pregnant. Unplanned and scared, I was making decisions that would affect the rest of my life and the life of the baby inside me. So, I know we are not faceless. I wonder if you have blocked us from your memory out of convenience. Read more »

Filed under: Breaking up, Divorce & Custody, Forgiving the Ex | 37 Comments »

Benjamin has a severe flu - puking, puking and puking.

We had to go to the grocery store today. Had to… there were things we needed like saltines, popsicles and sorbert ice cream. He nearly puked in the cart. I made this video after we got home and he passed out.

(Thought you all would like to see my vulnerable side, because I do have one - we all do).

P.S. Benjamin is improving, so no worries, but he’s still very, very sick.

Filed under: Being a single mom, Mommy Stuff, Single Mom S.O.S., Uncategorized, single moms, videos | 24 Comments »

The other night on Twitter (my new addiction) I stumbled across an interesting Tweet from a guy named Seth. Then I clicked through to his blog and felt like I’d slipped into the world of my male alter-ego. If I were a dude and childless, I think I’d be him.

I immediately asked him for a guest post on dating single moms… and just a few days later - here it is. (I love those productive types). I think you’ll love him too after reading this post, just what the doctor ordered for any single mom and the men who are lucky enough to date one of us.

And be sure to check out Seth’s blog, The Dating Papers.

——

On Dating Single Moms

By Seth, author of The Dating Papers

“I’m the mother of three kids. Ages 2 through 7. They live with me,” she said over a spoonful of macadamia white chocolate ice cream.

I remember Kathleen’s exact words not for their syllables but for the look on her face as she said them. The blank look of expectation as she waited for me to voice my rejection.

“You’re kidding. I’m not ready to have a family.” She expected me to say. Most single moms expect guys to run when they mention a child. This need not be the case. Read more »

Filed under: Dating tips (for the single mama), Dating, sex and love, how to date a single mom | 11 Comments »

I have a kick ass prize to give away and a nice little runner up prize as well.

Just click here to get to the ad-free page (the prize has a value of over $149.00). All you have to do is leave a comment or a tweet on Twitter to enter.

P.S.

Nothing too exciting to report from my night out, but I did have an amazing time - dancing, chatting and yes, being social. Good for the soul. Oh, and I did not drunk dial anyone. VICTORY! (although I must confess, I was tempted).

Now go play and enter my contest.

Filed under: Uncategorized | No Comments »